The
      Adventures
      of
      Drunken
      Dragon
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Location:
      The
      Playhouse
     
     
      DESCRIPTION:
      Bby
      far
      the
      illest
      bar
      in
     
     
      Chartown.
     
    

    
     
      HIGHLIGHTS:
      No
      pushy
      bouncers,
     
     
      cheapest
      prices,
      no
      cover,
      and
      no
      shit-
     
     
      ty
      pop
      tunes.
     
    

    
     
      PARADOX:
      Very
      few
      people
      frequent
     
     
      this
      club.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ahight,
      y’all,
      I
      know
      that
      I’ve
     
     
      been
      hatin’
      on
      a
      lot
      of
      bars
      in
     
     
      Charlottetown,
      and
      at
      times,
      I
      have
     
     
      been
      down
      right
      nasty.
      However,
      most
     
     
      places
      are
      wack
      and
      they
      deserve
      to
      be
     
     
      dissed
      by
      the
      dragon.
      But
      there
      is
      one
     
     
      exception.
      This,
      of
      course,
      is
      the
     
     
      Playhouse.
      This
      is
      by
      far
      my
      favourite
     
     
      bar
      on
      the
      Island.
      Since
      I’m
      banned
     
     
      from
      most
      bars
      in
      Charlottetown,
      I’ve
     
     
      been
      frequenting
      this
      ill
      joint
      for
      the
     
     
      last
      four
      years.
     
    

    
     
      I’ve
      never
      waited
      in
      line
      to
      get
     
     
      in,once.
      This
      means
      no
      waiting
      on
      the
     
     
      frickin’
      sidewalk
      freezin
      yo’
      nutsack
     
    

    
     
      off
      because
      some
      steroid-abusing,
     
     
      bald-headed
      bouncer
      is
      on
      a
      power
     
     
      trip.
      Not
      only
      is
      there
      no
      line
      up,
      but
     
     
      cover
      is
      free.
      The
      extra
      bling
      bling
      I
     
     
      save
      from
      not
      paying
      cover
      has
     
     
      allowed
      me
      to
      pay
      for
      other
      useless
     
     
      things—like
      my
      Arts
      degree.
      Word
      to
     
     
      the
      mother.
     
    

    
     
      You
      will
      also
      save
      cash
      money
     
     
      at
      the
      Playhouse
      ‘cause
      the
      drink
     
     
      prices
      are
      hella’
      cheap.
      And
      who
      does-
     
     
      n’t
      want
      cheap
      booze?
      Just
      make
      sure
     
    

    
     
      »,40u.
      clean,
      the
      tap.
      off
      after
      drinking
      out
     
     
      of
      it.
      Jeah,
      that’s
      right,
      beotches,
      no
     
     
      bartenders
      either!
      The
      drinks
      are
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “Pve
      got
      gravity-defying
      dance
      moves.
      You
      can’t
      see
      my
     
    
   
   
    
     
      never
      watered
      down,
      and
      every
      night
     
     
      is
      ladies
      night.
     
    

    
     
      The
      hypest
      thing
      about
      the
     
     
      Playhouse
      is
      the
      music.
      They
      don’t
      get
     
     
      no
      Collective
      Soul
      cover
      band
      or
      spin
     
     
      no
      Backstreet
      Boys
      records.
      Their
      DJs
     
     
      are
      slammin’
      and
      don’t
      play
      the
      same
     
     
      shitty-ass
      pop
      songs
      that
      other
      dance
     
     
      clubs
      in
      town
      play.
      As
      an
      added
     
     
      bonus,
      they
      actually
      bump
      the
      phat
     
     
      joints
      you
      request
      and
      don’t
      ignore
     
     
      you
      like
      they’re
      fucking
      Funk
      Flex
      or
     
     
      somebody.
     
    

    
     
      Don’t
      worry
      about
      rednecks
     
     
      picking
      fights,
      or
      wallhuggers
      who
     
     
      don’t
      know
      how
      to
      bust
      a
      move
      on
      the
     
     
      dancefloor.
      You
      can
      actually
      dance
      at
     
     
      the
      Playhouse
      without
      any
      worry.
      This
     
     
      is
      perhaps
      the
      only
      joint
      in
      town
     
     
      where
      b’boys
      can
      lock,
      stop
      and
      pop
     
     
      on
      the
      floor
      without
      honkies
      starting
     
     
      shit
      with
      them.
      I
      have
      yet
      to
      see
      a
     
     
      brawl
      at
      the
      Playhouse.
      Only
      the
     
     
      classiest
      chickenheads
      go
      to
      the
     
     
      Playhouse.
      These
      hunnies
      have
      class
     
     
      and
      dress
      fine.
      No
      dirty,
      Hollywood
     
     
      crack-whore-lookin’
      skanks
      here.
      If
     
     
      you
      want
      a
      woman
      like
      that,
      check
      out
     
     
      Myron’s
      or
      yo
      mamma’s
      house
      (I’m
     
     
      just
      playin’,
      foo).
     
    

    
     
      The
      Playhouse
      is
      clean
      and
     
     
      the
      bathrooms
      don’t
      stank
      with
      urine.
     
     
      The
      Playhouse
      is
      the
      only
      bar
      in
     
     
      Charlottetown
      worth’
      spénding
      your
     
     
      hard-earned
      money
      at
      and
      is
      the
      place
     
     
      where
      you
      can
      have
      the
      best
      of
      times.
     
     
      I
      just
      hope
      the
      owners
      don’t
      do
      some-
     
     
      thing
      wack
      like
      turning
      it
      into
      a
      fuck-
     
     
      ing
      honky-tonk
      bar.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      feet,
      but
      I’m
      dancing
      on
      the
      ceiling
      Lionel
      Ritchie
      style.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Adam
      da
      Bomb,
      me,
      and
      Cinephile
      are
      showing
      the
      hunnies
      our
      goods.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Adam
      on
      da
      floor
      of
      Tha
      Playhouse.
      “Don’t
      spill
      that
      shit,
      homie.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [15]
     
     
      BS]