il; it _'t ~ .»,V .li ati I _i I 1: .i ~» .Ii r 4 »l=»€~t ;-1. V' ll! .F ,. 1 `7’*“"" >»~'»gz-' if > . .J it ll iii ls H. ,ii l. ,,- Q. i .VVV li ,i ;- ll ,j _.j ri ii- :li `.’ l wif' Al -el .~-_ 3; it l 'i if ., ,_. .ii .jj ._. i it 4 ._ 5' ,aj _‘vii i ~ - . ‘ii ‘f-r-».,¢<= L .i l`. -. ».-.- -vs_ .,jV l i .1 t 2. . -i ~. .5 ., 'la . ti . v ,. i gi ll I L .n t i it .i ei, ii li ‘li _ii i . , . ‘ -==¢.-t. ti f' . .1 e,_-. i ». 1 . 1° ~ ‘fi . MV. VIA . 4, ip; V , 11- 777'* :-' r _ t _ Vp _...g-. -¢-- cliarluiititiwn Guardian Prniaefit A. A. amim Mgngglngfdltor . . J. R. Burnett-V 5A»ro|tu,\v, j.-\su.u. .- f . \' mg-.. i I or iiiiiniii, sillins iii) 0. i. 11 Some Ludlorous Ex lliices lltli lulliigorers Illio ln lftsr Soft .Jobs-Plenty lhultions Ind Arc llot From Cuando. For Las Prliioc Eduard lsfrind. The sketches from England by Lleut Alexander Ross, M.D., are greatly appreciated and keenly look- ed forward to by Guardian readers. The "Doo," as ho is fumlltarly called by his many friends here, has a keen sense of the humorous and ludicrous, and lt will be evident from the fol- lowing sketch of an Army Medical Oflicer's experiences with mallngerers that be is ln his element ln ii large mllltary hospital “somewhere lu Eng- land.” Slr,-In times like Llic present, when the armies ul’ tho-nation include, or ought to, tho whole manhood of the nation, one meets all sorts of condi- tions of men. It is true that the over- whelmlng majority ut those who have joluod tho colors urtrwarriors of the true typo and ln-ned. lt iii-always it pleasure to meet these mon. and much has been written of their bravery ln danger; their fortitude ln pain, and their child-Ilkc ,gratitude for the suiallest thing dono to roliovo their lot. Whon dlro necessity drives them -to the Hospital l'or alleviation of sickness or treatment for wounds, one fuels lt to bo a great privilege to wult upon tliciu und inuke them whole again ff possible. Their constant elimination of self, and their desire to be of as llt- tle troublo as possible, act as a spur to the whole stuff from the highest oft flcer to the lowest orderly. lt ls for their beueflt that all these hospitals have been butlt. and lt is dart of the duty of the various hospital staffs to see to it that the beds are occupied only by the men for whom they were intended. And lt is often no easy task; for all who have joined our armies are not heroes. ' _ Anyone who has to do with liospitnls will soc there out of all proportion to their numbers ri class of parasites which may be culled tho "scrlmshank- ers" and the "dead-beat." These have joined the army from no patrio- tic motive, b ut for thc base:-it and most selfish ends. If they had their way tho hospitals intended l'or the slek would be filled by those creatures who would oeciipy beds of oase, have nothing to do. be fed and cared for at the f-.xpertsc of' thu country. ldvvry pains are taken to keep them out of the hospitals and to turn thorn out it’ they get hi. The dodges and devices adopted by these skunks are often ex- tremely ludicrous. They join tho army from various motives. b ut generally their usual mo- tive is to got their country to look af- ter thom-feed, house, clothe and euro for tliem- while they have no- thing to do. They are sick heroes. who tell their friends that they have Joined to do their bit for their country. They alwiiyii have been parasites and this is their harvest. Sickness being their game, of course, we soc rt great deal of them. They usually have some alight chronic ailment which, as it rule. is of’ no importance, but which is magnified as being something terrible and, abovo everything, whjeli rol`iises to got. wolf. Tho M. ()., (llliulieiil Officer) must he ciircflll that no lu- jtrstleo is done to thorn, while at the sumo time he must. son thul, tho ln» stftutiou of which he is tho rziiurtliaii is not exploited by them. This eluiss may be called the “dead-beats." There ls another class the "scrim- shanker" .wltlt whom there is nothing wrong. He fs extremely anxious to get iz certificate of medical untltness -so that he may not only evade his duty but be able to shout what he would have done lt only he were well. He may have been forced by public opinion to join the army, or may have done so in it sort ol' it revival meeting furvour, and now finds thi-it the mlllt- ury llfo is not oxuetly ri had of roses. At any rate, he ls oxtreinely desirous of getting out. Sit-.lnicss bolng his de- vleo, ho naturally eouics to tho hospi- tal and so into the hands of tho pliy- nlelan, blessed man." It ls the suprorno doslrr: ot' the i-itiifl' to keep these creatures out ot' tho hon- pltiil altogether, for once they get ln mlliin ol' rod tapo must he invoked to get thorn out again. There are hun- dreds ol' reports and hlstorles to be written up'. Boards aint comnilsiilons must slt upon them and try them. All this takes time whllc his hateful presence must be endured and the poor M. 0. must resist all the time the temptation of sending him to the lethal chamber. The scoundrols ure’ glvon the belie- flt of every doubt, and noinutlnios get away with the "goods" b ut_not often. Nearly always they ara caught. They invariably exaggerate their symptoms and do not group tliemiiftcr the man- ner of renl disease. Intultlvely one gets to know them. Thore ls a-sort of- geueral woe-bogono-look-of the oe‘= caslon about them. the-some sort of put on look as one sees at home when the t-oper invades the doctor‘s office and asks- for a prescription. for . , niiiur siauacriolis Fun ourinoiini iieiiiiaiis ' ` ` Furnished . by W. I. Lounon.. . » GOD’8 LOVE. ' ' Llku u cradle rocking, rocking, Silent, peaceful. to and lm: , Like a mothcr's sweet. looks dropping Ou the llttlo fmgbolow, ‘ Hangs the groan A r_tlr,' swinging, turn- ing, , -‘~'~"` " . F .:?rli;:is.lpoisden5;dnVsih;.oMb:&Li:l\;r: » nate glitoffl nl- Down and watolt,fn¢fn;;°Vol_oV’,_. _ - And as feeble babal that dliffer. Toss and ery and will not rest., Are the ones the lender mother ‘ Holds the closest. loves the heat.; - Bo when we are weak and wreched \ V - ..¢. nitiiizit iinzii . I ‘ Pay But no lorlr.- Bot-Those whiskey, for 9. "bad cold", and starts to cough. ` ` ‘ In clvll practice one so seldom meets a ease of ,mallugerlng that the M.O., new t0 Mllltary work,._ls _liable 'to take a man's story at its face value and so be taken in. But he soon learns, und before longfls on'to` his Hob. ‘The M. \0’S., with a long army record _ tell many amusing storleoof the dodges of ‘those shlrkers and the heroic treat- ment adoptedto euro them. ‘ There _ls one thing that I am pleased to be lu a position to allude to. and that is so ln the experience of men hero very few of these creatures are Canadians, let alone Prince Ed- ward Islanders. When the eolonlals como hero. they do so with one sup- reme desire. and that is to got iit tho 3 il-d Germans Lot mo illusitrato several oxperlenc- M es. , \ - .M.O. What alls you? Mnllugercr: mu" ahrel' ‘O my way uf tiroamlfm' og Pains ln my spine, Str. ° M.O. Wlierei' Begins ln buck of Q head and shoots down. 5 f' treatment he submits, othorwlso ho in . wish 1-:ven»b0ay.,.. \` >` ` Happy N ew Year - l. Mallngeror: I wou'l. be operated_on.‘ I don't believe ln operations. I want- to be cured wltli modlelno. ` M. O. llow long wore you this way? Fifteen years. , ` M. 0. If you were so long that way, nd since you refuse to bo advised y me. you go at once to your duty. allngerer: Butl can't. Sir. - M.O. I won't argue with you, you ut you go. lt patient. ls n rea noe ocs ont. ' Thumb can't hold ri. gun. i M.-0. A`uythlng else? No Sir. _M. 0. Quite sure? Yes Sir. M. O. How ls you stomaeli? Not Good, Slr, No nppotlto. M. 0. Show me your tongue. (Ton- gue clean.) »M.0. How do you sleep? I do not sleep well. had dreams. M. 0. How are your bowels? They dld not move for three days. M. 0. (to ordorly) give htm No. 9 Mulingercr: Oli. Sir! my bowels moved this morning (He was evidently ac- quainted with the vlrtuso of No. 9.) M. 0. (to orderly) Glvo hlin No. 9. dlabolicf (Dose given, niallngerer docs not trouble M.O. again). N. B. Your readers ought to bo- come acquainted with this famous mixture which, though it has a Ger- man name. is a good Brltlsh remedy. Warrauted to cure all vague aches and pains as well as make hair grow ‘ on tho buldest heads. ANOTHER. M. U. \Vliat. ails you? Mallngerer: M. O. Lot me me lt? (Thumb is very stiff all right) . M. 0. llow long since you_j0lnud? Three mouths. M. 0. How long luivc you been this way? Seven years. M.O. Did you tell thc examining officer? No, Sir. M. O. Why? I wanted to do my blt for my country. M. 0. Strip (Patient obeys slowly and watches M. O.) M. O. Is this the scar pointing to a small superficial scar over buck of wrist. Maliiigeror, yes, Sir. V M.O. My friend you are all wrong: if your hand were cut there your thumb would full down instead of sticking up. (Maliugerer looks silly.) M. O. Now open and close both hands as quickly as possible. BOTH THUMBS STICK UP. M. 0. That will do. llls nerve re- , actions ure tested uinl found to be nor- l miil. Pntlclif, is izivcn tho battery l‘or flvo minutes several ltnii~.s a day. tt NEXT MORNING. Mallugercr. I um well now Str, l wish to go out. ` M. O. No you don't. You trlcd to fool us. You will go when I am ready and you take u note to your C.O. that you are a Mallugerer. He will punish you as you deserve. , ‘ His papers wherever he may go ln future brand him as a fraud. V ANOTHER. ` M. 0. Wihiit iilln you? Mulingcror: Selatleu and pains in`uiy knees. M. 0. i‘xauil|u‘.s lihn. l‘nl.lont. ovor- doeii lt. Suffers too much pain. _llc is suspected and watched. Reports are mado of lilm to tho M. 0. when he docs not. siispcet. lt.. Artur ii week of watching. M. O. You are hotter now, <:iin't you go out? No, Str, my knees are stiff, next. day, gramaphone. Patient is soon dancing for bonoflt of ward when no nurses or officers are present. (They, always want to poso as clever chaps before tho fellows). _ M. O. V(Ater glvlng him it ,good dose of the battery) Now. why don't you diince as you dld when. tho grump- phono wait playing? Ward laughs at film nud he ls killed. Ho goes out* cured. ANGTHER. ,M. 0. Whitt alla you? Mullngcror: 1 Eneurosls nocturnalls. M. 0. I-low long have you boon this way? All my llfe. M. O. Dld you toll the examining officer when you joined? No, Str-. ' M. 0. Why? I want to do my blt for my country. M. 0. Funny way you are going about lt! M._ 0. Let film be takon to Guard roonf. . Let htm sleep on bare boards and wiiko him every half hour. In a week patient fs cured. - /morn-ten. ' M.O. What alto you? Haomorrholds. M 0 exiiimlnes and finds lt a case T , _ » _ augurating u l’ostniaster'S Fund for D8 ‘ sidered a good one and steps were at once tukrin to start the Fund. and a nu . _ . . , ,eived approving of the movoniont. One luttor roeelviitl frotn the Post- uasfer al. llunlcr ltlver will sufllru an ANOTHER. ` M.O. What ulls you? V. D. H. (au‘ old bird who knows thut. V. D. Il. stands for valvular disease of tho, heart). ‘_ M. 0. How long since you.jolued? Reenllsted three months ago. M. 0. Did you have a Board? Yes, Sir, six months ago, and I was dls- charged froni the army. M. O. Why did you" reenllst? I felt better and wanted to do my bit for_ my country. l lt takes two or three months to get him out again. during-which time lioV ls doing nothing, drawing his pay and, llvlng im easy llfo. Ile-cult do lightl work qutto well. The second Board* that deals with such as those solids them to jail. From the above lt may bo soon that if tho sorrows ot' the M. 0. are many tho lot ot’ the “dead-boat" and the ‘,‘-scrinishankcr" ls not always an easy one. However. these dlubolleiil skunks tollctlier with the skirker und tho Gorman, that uuartetto of nll that ls base. ought to be sont to whore the l<‘i'oneltinu|i says the Gorman Head- iniartors nro. and give them ull M- 0- to apply the appropriate treatment. _ I am. Sir, etc.. A. ROSS, M.D., Lt. It.A.l\l.C. Pll$lMlSlfllS‘ . 0 Plllllllllll fUllll‘ ZW ln wrltlng to the Post Ofllee Inspec- tor a few weeks ago tho Por-i_tmiister nl. i|,,nlsh rnitdc the r-iigrzmitiori of in trlotie purposes The hlea was con- mbcr ot' letters have since been re- s:tu_\plv\, lln Hlnletii “I lletlrllly A Good, I Timely Tip on Plumbing »\ lhe secret of making your bathroom beautiful is the installation of high- . grade, modefn plumbing fixtures. , . ' If your fixtures are old Vand .unsanitary, a new porcelain enamel bath or lavatory will work won- . ders in the appearance and sanitation of your bathroom. ' Decide now to change from the old to the new and let us `quote you prices on these fixtures. They cost much less than you imagine. We esti. mate at any time and . guarantee all work to f satisfy you. . , i ' _ Fred H. Trainor, 80 Grafton Street It _.W 7 1'. nr .J .~ ` '. " -_ ' .'e~1.‘~ '~'.w'- ' .. -.. ». .*, t , . .. -- -- » ~- 4. » ~. t nw 'Y it -f .ti ., .»' ._,f ‘ ».r ._ .- _ . ‘ i _ ‘ ' ' i 1* it ' ‘ . ..r- . ~'»='.=§,».-- - '- 1- ..r in -' J/‘ "1 ' " ' - 1 ‘- ~- 1" -‘ » ..,' ‘ . .; . - ‘. ' 1' , . ~, ‘ . ..- 1 1. `.' » ».'7a:. ;-.» ,aka ` ' `.`\»,.~ I. sl-1..-'aa-_:&§.l`l..~5lf..!~ -. . , =: _ 1,* 'i ,, _ ' _ Alf*£Wi‘-?"=`-4 f"»" ° - ' ' ‘ll ‘ . ., ~' . ' 'i °’d‘¥‘“ ./» ` ' lt’ I. “' | l l " ‘ ""' ` 'i » . This is the weather for wa footwear. Milfs. Wmnerfs and Childfen's 3 , felt remiss. etc. Pizicizs Rioniidisqgm g V V I v , V , . _ .. -V1; . gr , , j V .~.'_-V.y.`, V \.._' - ablxa thouéand of our best and bflvest sons whom we B' “iii sin. wished do" m.im.il`&“0lI\8ll’:n `i` . ' 5 ‘iii f fi 9 A A Memsjzehain-v.".h°°‘ ,iran ill afford to lose, and their loss or their retention Then “I5 Hill Gpdwsmt intlonie V. I nav, ,f .H A ‘ 6 ,ia I ` ‘ riot M /\ l 'i 1 -. -» -- . M, .»._‘.. , . i *I , `. ` 1 lik vo ` I , 4 i I sbitpypfnnyuxgal imnedmuouauiu,” agree with your remarks. regretting that such ii fund wimfnot started soon- er. 1 have. already been-making a monthly contribution -to the Canadian Postmasters‘ ° Patriotic Fund with headquarters _ln Ontario. However. 1 am enclosing the sum of five dollars and tr~ust_the Fund will make a credit- ublo showing and obtain the support lt deserves from nll-the .I’ostmastor;s."‘ A number of Postmastora have al- ready sont hi their subscriptions, and it is hoped thatln tho near future every otllce will bo_hourd from. The subscriptions to date are:-l ‘John F. Whear, I’tO. liispoctor $10.00 I.. B. Hunt. Summeriildo 10.00 J. H. Vanldorstluwlluuter Itlvor 5.00 llorhort Clark. Alborton ' X 5.00 Wm. Callback. Central Bodcquo 5.00 D. D. McLeod. Orwoll Cove 5.00 F. P. Murphy, Emerald ~ 3.00 D. Livingston, High Bank 2.00 J. A. Brennan. Tlgnlsh 2_00 Kathleen Brennan. Tlgnlsh _ .50 M. M. Stewart. Caledonia 2.00 li. Miitlioson, Clyde ltlver 2.00 George llinno. Bristol 1.0() N. Boyce, Mcrmalil Fiiriii 1.00 Margaret llurnett. l"ort itiigiistiis 1.00 l’. J. D. Iidinonds, Fiiiniinr-rvilh~ 1,00 Adeline Matthews. Portage 1.00 Thos. flureorun. llaldwlns Road l.00 Mrs .l. McDonald, Belfast 1.00 Neil McLeod, French River 1.00 Mlehacl Mctjalip, J`ohu.~itons Itlvcr 1,00 John l\flcl‘heelo,v. Me(lunnell’s Wliiirf' ‘ » R. (7. l\’lcI)onald. McNelll's Mills A. J. \Vllliams. Mail (»`,ontructor. MeNe|ll's Mills - 1'. J. lVl\u~ph)‘. Mnll't1oiitriictor. Me\luill's Mills Mrs llunnali Duriint, Margate L00 1.00 L00 1.00 .50 Total to date $65100 _ SHEEP'S CHEE_8E. 'l wo Greeks ln California have start- ed u sheep-cheese factory-thee flrat to bo establisheil in America. They will operate it plant conslsthix of 175 acres in alfalfa, 100 acres of dry reed, 1,250 selected ewes whose lambs wlll be marketed at three mouths and the owes then milked' for four months. I r m | For That' Cold Room For that room you can't got warm, wlicthor lt bo attic, bod- room, hall or any other cold cor- ner of the house- you will need a I;ert‘ectlon Ofl Heater. j The Perfection ls a whole hoatlng system In itself. lt. gives instant and satlsfwctory warmth, has no disagreeable. odor and heats the coldest room ln the shortest possible time. This heater. has fancy legs, heavy nickel mountlngs, cool oprlnghaad-9. wick can bit ail~ _lusted from outside. _ You neod'ono of these heaters. Our prices arose moderate you cnn't. afford to be without one. liennelli Chandler _:brtoVpe'ratlon. and so advises the pat. ° ‘ P11006 393-J J, vkhfil RN' - '_ on j V VV - V - I Cold Weather. Footwear at . v .G0I*.`F/BR0.S- ` okeerithefeot S ' . ._ 'I ol -».» depends. veify...largaly.,i‘ipdl“oui'selves. l mm' Y' °""‘9"‘ ' f -' ~' ‘ ` I ‘° , ' . \ <1 '- V ' .., ' ‘V r »