Found!
      Saviour
      of
     
     
      Wretched
      Beasts
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Brad
      DEIGHAN
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      would
      like
      to
      invite
      all
      to
     
     
      attention
      that
      a
      certain
      specific
      animal
     
     
      life-form
      that
      has
      continued
      to
      exist
     
     
      along
      a
      certain
      dead
      tree
      downstairs
     
     
      by
      the
      Cadre
      office
      has,
      in
      recent
     
     
      times,
      began
      to
      interest
      me
      in
      size,
     
     
      shape,
      and
      smell.
      If
      by
      any
      chance
      you
     
     
      do
      happen
      to
      govern
      this
      lactose
      non-
     
     
      intolerant
      fiend
      —
      a
      big
      soggy
      brazier
     
     
      —
      please
      hasten
      to
      remove
      it
      from
      the
     
     
      premisses
      immediately.
      If
      this
      re-
     
     
      habituation
      is
      not
      performed
      as
      of
     
     
      Monday,
      February
      8,
      at
      5:03
      p.m.,
      I
     
     
      myself
      will
      be
      unwillingly
      compelled
     
     
      into
      the
      removal
      and
      usage
      of
      this
     
     
      large
      heathen
      creature.
      In
      the
      instance
     
     
      that
      the
      previous
      owner
      shall
      desire
      to
     
     
      re-attach
      this
      steadfast
      and
      enduring
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ERRORS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      critter
      to
      him
      or
      herself
      after
      this
     
     
      point,
      the
      individual
      in
      question
      will
     
     
      discover
      that
      the
      adoption
      certificate
     
     
      has
      been
      approved
      of,
      signed,
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      legalized
      by
      the
      Cadre
      Lost
      and
      Found
     
    
   
   
    
     
      official.
     
    

    
     
      However,
      conditions
      do
      apply:.
     
     
      (a)
      In
      the
      not-so-unrealistic-event
      that
     
     
      such
      a
      person(s)
      does
      come
      down
      to
     
     
      pilfer
      this
      living
      garment,
      they
      will
      be
     
     
      first
      forced
      into
      the
      removal
      of
      all
     
     
      clothing
      and
      fitted
      in
      order
      to
      ensure
     
     
      that
      a
      certain
      debauched
      incident
      does
     
     
      not
      take
      place
      in
      an
      attempt
      to
      gain
     
     
      what
      is
      not
      theirs.
      (b)
      The
      conforming
     
     
      of
      this
      animal
      life-form
      to
      the
      person’s
     
     
      body
      will
      in
      no
      way
      elicit
      belonging
      to
     
     
      this
      person(s).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      There
      were
      some
      prominent
      errors
      in
      the
      last
      issue
      of
      The
      Cadre.
      We
      would
      like
     
     
      to
      explain
      that
      we
      are
      very
      much
      aware
      of
      the
      errors,
      and
      are
      unspeakable
      embar-
     
     
      rassed
      by
      the
      errors,
      and
      would
      not
      so
      much
      like
      to
      discuss
      the
      errors,
      pear
     
     
      that
      the
      errors
      be
      forgotten
      about
      already.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      AFGHAN
      BENEFIT
      POSTPONED
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Afghan
      Benefit
      Show
      that
      was
      to
      be
      held
      on
      Saturday,
      February
      the
      2nd,
      has
     
     
      been
      postponed.
      Because
      of
      weather
      conditions,
      the
      Groundhog
      Day
      benefit
     
     
      could
      not
      take
      place
      on
      its
      scheduled
      date.
      Though
      every
      attempt
      was
      made
      to
     
     
      notify
      the
      public
      of
      the
      postponement,
      the
      organizers
      wish
      to
      apologize
      for
      any
     
     
      inconvenience
      this
      cancellation
      might
      have
      caused.
      Look
      for
      announcements
      of
     
     
      the
      new
      date
      of
      this
      show
      in
      The
      Cadre,
      and
      on
      the
      UPEI
      Student
      Union
      website.
     
     
      Students
      should
      expect
      a
      Bigger,
      Badder
      Benefit
      (TM)
      to
      come
      their
      way
      some
     
     
      time
      after
      the
      February
      break
      from
      classes.
      The
      organizers
      still
      hope
      to
      raise
     
     
      money
      for
      the
      hundreds
      of
      thousands
      of
      displaced
      people
      in
      Afghanistan.
      Anyone
     
     
      who
      had
      already
      purchased
      a
      ticket
      for
      the
      Saturday
      night
      event
      can
      contact
      Stuart
     
     
      at
      flatulentelm@hotmail.com,
      or
      can
      use
      this
      ticket
      at
      the
      next
      show.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      EXCELLENCE
      IN
      TEACHING
      AWARDS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Students,
      Faculty
      and
      Alumni
      are
      invited
      to
      submit
      nominations
      for
      the
      UPEI
     
     
      Faculty
      Association
      Awards
      for
      Excellence
      in
      Teaching
      for
      Sessional
      Lecturers.
     
     
      The
      awards
      are
      open
      to
      all
      University
      faculty
      members.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      deadline
      for
      nominations
      is
      noon,
      Friday,
      February
      8,
      2002.
      Information
     
     
      about
      the
      awards
      and
      nomination
      forms
      are
      available
      at
      the
      Faculty
      Association
     
     
      Office
      (Main
      Bldg.
      Room
      #214).
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Letter
      to
      the
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Editor,
     
    

    
     
      I’m
      writing
      this
      email
      in
     
     
      regards
      to
      the
      piece
      in
      your
      paper
     
     
      about
      the
      parking
      issue
      that
      was
      found
     
     
      on
      the
      back
      of
      your
      last
      issue.
      The
     
     
      writer,
      Thomas
      Lloyd,
      did
      a
      shitty
      job.
     
     
      I
      wonder
      if
      it
      ever
      occured
      to
      him
      that
     
     
      sometimes,
      just
      sometimes,
      its
      actual-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ly
      a
      litte
      bit
      of
      a
      problem
      to
      find
      a
     
     
      parking
      space.
      Now
      I
      don’t
      know
      if
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      this
      idiot
      ever
      took
      a
      look
      at
      the
      park-
     
     
      ing
      lots
      but
      anyone
      who
      ever
      did
     
     
      would
      know
      that
      LOTS
      OF
      CARS
      +
     
     
      NOT
      MANY
      SPACES
      =
      A
      PROB-
     
     
      LEM.
     
    

    
     
      The
      part
      about
      “just
      using
     
     
      your
      imagination”
      to
      guess
      where
      the
     
     
      yellow
      lines
      are
      is
      also
      a
      very
      stupid
     
     
      statement.
      I
      think
      that
      Thomas
      Lloyd
     
     
      should
      make
      a
      point
      out
      of
      getting
      out
     
     
      of
      bed
      at
      6:00am
      every
      morning
      and
     
     
      shoveling
      the
      whole
      parking
      lot
      clean.
     
     
      The
      part
      about
      the
      “stupid
      piece
      of
     
     
      shit
      truck”
      was
      a
      real
      piece
      of
      work
     
     
      too.
      I
      wonder
      who
      in
      this
      university
     
     
      could
      afford
      a
      BMW
      or
      a
      Corvette
     
    
   
   
    
     
      while
      paying
      tuition
      as
      well??
      I
      won-
     
     
      der
      if
      Thomas
      Lloyd
      drives
      a
      nice
      car
     
     
      or
      does
      he
      just
      get
      the
      workers
      at
      the
     
     
      mental
      institution
      to
      drive
      him
      to
     
     
      school
      each
      day?
      And
      what
      kind
      of
     
     
      Journalist
      is
      this
      moron
      anyway??
     
     
      Must
      have
      a
      busy
      life
      to
      do
      a
      great
     
     
      story
      like
      this,
      while
      telling
      off
      all
      the
     
     
      drivers
      in
      the
      school.
      I
      know
      that
     
     
      watching
      star
      trek
      and
      masterbating
     
     
      must
      take
      up
      a
      lot
      of
      his
      time
      but
      for
     
     
      god’s
      sake,
      find
      something
      better
      to
     
     
      write
      about.
     
    

    
     
      If
      Thomas
      Lloyd
      has
      any
      balls
     
     
      at
      all
      he’ll
      put
      this
      letter
      in
      the
      news-
     
     
      paper,
      but
      more
      then
      likely
      his
      nuts
     
     
      didn’t
      drop
      yet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      anonymous
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Thanks
      for
      sharing
      your
      opinion,
     
     
      anonymous.
      We
      have
      revisited
      the
     
     
      parking
      issue
      on
      our
      back
      cover,
      in
     
     
      an
      attempt
      to
      address
      your,
      um,
      con-
     
     
      cerns.
      -Ed
     
    
   
   
    
     
      tees
     
    
   
   
    
     
      PROPOSED
      UPE!
      STUDENT
      UNION
     
     
      BY-LAW
      AMENDMENTS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Motion
      to
      amend
      By-law
      -
      Executive
      Committee
     
     
      Be
      it
      resolved
      that
      By-Law
      II,
      para
      8,
      sub
      1
      be
      amended
      to
      read:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      President
      shall:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -Fulfill
      25
      office
      hours
      per
      week
      with
      courses
      restricted
      to
      3
      per
      semester
      during
     
    
   
   
    
     
      term
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -Be
      a
      member
      of
      the
      Board
      of
      Governors
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eS
     
     
      ee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Motion
      to
      amend
      By-law
      -
      Executive
      Committee
     
     
      Be
      it
      resolved
      that
      By-law
      II,
      para
      8,
      sub
      2
      be
      amended
      to
      read
      :
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -Executive
      Vice
      President
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Motion
      to
      amend
      By-law
      -
      Executive
      Committee
     
     
      Be
      it
      resolved
      that
      By-law
      II,
      para
      8,
      sub
      3
      be
      amended
      to
      read:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -Vice
      President
      Activities
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Motion
      to
      amend
      By-Law
      -
      Executive
      Committee
     
     
      Be
      it
      resolved
      that
      By-law
      II,
      para
      8,
      sub
      :
      be
      amended
      to
      read:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Vice
      President
      Finance
      shall:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -be
      hired
      by
      the
      Hiring
      Board
      in
      March
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -be
      a
      liason
      between
      the
      Yearbook
      and
      the
      Cadre
      on
      financial
      matters
      -be
     
     
      responsible
      for
      the
      purchase
      of
      new
      equipment
      for
      the
      Student
      Union.
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      [18]
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Re
      eee
      FS
     
     
      Et
      2848