5)
      The
      best.
      sex
      means
      never
     
     
      having
      to
      say
      good-bye
     
    

    
     
      With
      the
      best
      sex,
      you
     
     
      fall
      asleep
      together.
      You
      wake
     
     
      up
      together.
      If
      you
      leave
      for
     
     
      the
      day,
      you
      say:’’See
      you
     
     
      tonight.’’
      This
      is
      just
      simple
     
     
      logic.
      Who’
      wants
      to
      say
      good-
     
     
      bye
      to
      the
      best?
      If
      it’s
      so
     
     
      wonderful,
      you’11l
      want
      to
      keep
     
     
      it.
      forever.
     
     
      6)The
      best
      sex
      shares
      every-
     
     
      thing
     
    

    
     
      Which
      is
      to
      say
      that
      sex
     
     
      is
      more
      than
      intercourse.
      Sex,
     
     
      the
      best
      sex,
      means
      talking,
     
     
      sharing,
      listening,
      thinking-
     
     
      together.
      The
      hours
      after
      the
     
     
      hours
      before
      are
      as
      good
      as
     
     
      the
      actual
      act
      of
      love..
      They
     
     
      are
      not
      divided
      from
      each
     
     
      other.
      Essentially,
      they
      are
     
     
      the
      same.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Now
      Let’s
      Talk
      About
      Love
     
    
   
   
    
     
      All
      along
      I
      have
      been
      teeter-
     
     
      ing
      on
      the
      edge
      of
      something-
     
     
      defining
      the
      best
      sex
      as
      the
     
     
      best
      love.
      Here
      I
      fall
      in.
     
    

    
     
      It
      is
      possible
      to
      sepa-
     
     
      rate
      the
      urge
      for
      sex
      from
      the
     
     
      urge
      for
      love.
      You
      can
      go
      for
     
     
      sex
      without
      thinking
      of
      love.
     
     
      And
      there
      is
      a
      kind
      of
      thrill
     
     
      in
      that.
     
    

    
     
      But
      when
      you
      begin
      to
     
     
      discuss,
      seriously,
      the
      best
     
     
      sex,
      the
      separation
      breaks
     
     
      down.
      The
      best
      sex
      can
      happen
     
     
      only
      between
      the
      people
      who
     
     
      love
      each
      other
      the
      most.
     
    

    
     
      What
      does
      this
      all
      add
      up
     
     
      to?
      It
      adds
      up
      to
      marriage.
      I
     
     
      don’t
      mean
      that
      you
      can’t
      have
     
     
      enjoyable
      sexual
      episodes
     
     
      without
      marriage.
      I
      mean
      that
     
     
      if
      you
      want
      the
      best
      possible
     
     
      sex
      to
      come
      true
      for
      you,
      you
     
     
      are
      talking
      about
      marriage,
     
     
      whether
      you
      know
      it
      or
      not.
     
     
      Marriage,
      Christian
      marriage,
     
     
      is
      not
      made
      by
      a
      particular
     
     
      kind
      of
      ceremony
      in
      a
      church.
     
     
      A
      traditional
      ceremony
      has_
     
     
      evolved,
      but
      only
      to
      back
      up
     
     
      the
      reality
      of
      two
      people
     
     
      Promising
      before
      God
      and
      soci-
     
     
      ety
      to
      love
      each
      other
      forever
     
     
      in
      the
      way
      I
      have
      described.
     
     
      The
      ceremony
      doesn’t
      make
      the
     
     
      Marriage-the
      two
      people
      do.
     
    

    
     
      At
      this
      point,
      somebody
     
     
      is
      certain
      to
      ask
      about
      living
     
     
      together.
      Isn’t
      that
      just
      as
     
     
      good?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      mnie
     
    
   
   
    
     
      There
      are
      two
      differences
     
     
      between
      marriage
      and
      living
     
     
      together.
      One
      is
      legal.
      In
     
     
      marriage,
      you
      are
      legally
      and
     
     
      financially
      responsible
      for
     
     
      the
      other’s
      welfare,
      and
      for
     
     
      the
      welfare
      of
      any
      children
     
     
      you
      might
      have.
     
    

    
     
      The
      other,
      more
      important
     
     
      difference
      is
      that
      living
     
     
      together
      is
      without
      promises.
     
     
      You
      just
      do
      it;
      friends
      and
     
     
      family
      discover
      for
      themselves
     
     
      you
      are
      together.
      Marriage,
      by
     
     
      contrast,
      is
      living
      together
     
     
      after
      promising
      to
      God,
      to
     
     
      your
      families
      and
      friends,
      and
     
     
      to
      each
      other
      that
      you
      never
     
     
      quit
      loving
      each
      other.
     
    

    
     
      Now
      I
      grant
      you
      that
      a
     
     
      lot
      of
      people
      who
      make
      that
     
     
      promise
      do
      quit
      loving
      each
     
     
      other.
      But
      the
      percentages
      are
     
    
   
   
    
     
      lower
      than
      with
      those
      who
      quit
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      loving
      each
      other
      after
      living
     
     
      together-
      those
      who
      never
      made
     
     
      any
      promises.
      You
      can
      take
     
     
      this
      as
      a
      rule
      in
      life:
      If
     
     
      somebody
      isn’t
      wiling
      to
      prom-
     
     
      ise,
      don’t
      count
      on
      him.
     
    

    
     
      So
      living
      together
      fails
     
     
      the
      best
      sex
      test
      at
      point
      5
     
     
      and,
      usually,
      point
      2.
      Not.
     
     
      only
      do
      you
      often
      split
      up,
     
     
      but
      you
      know
      you
      will
      probably
     
     
      split
      up,
      and
      that
      breeds
      a
     
     
      lack
      of
      commitment,
      trust
      and
     
     
      sharing-all
      of
      which
      under-
     
     
      mines
      love.
     
    

    
     
      Let
      me
      now
      get
      to
      the
     
     
      heart
      of
      my
      subject.
      I
      have
     
     
      been
      married
      for
      quite
      some
     
     
      time
      now,
      and
      I
      am
      not
      going
     
     
      to
      try
      to
      kid
      you
      that
      sex
      in
     
     
      marriage
      is
      always
      like
      life
     
     
      in
      a
      Playboy
      fantasy.
      Not
      for
     
     
      anybody,
      even
      Hugh
      Hefner.
     
    

    
     
      What
      messes
      up
      sex
      is
     
     
      people.
      It
      turns
      out,
      in
      P
     
     
      practice,
      that
      while
      the
      tech-
     
     
      nique
      of
      great
      sex
      is
      tricky,
     
     
      the
      demands
      on
      your
      personal-
     
     
      ity
      are
      much,
      much
      more
      criti-
     
     
      cal.
      You
      have
      to
      love
      another
     
     
      person.
      It
      isn’t
      easy,
      day
     
     
      after
      day:
      The
      inittal
     
     
      thrills,
      the
      newness,
      disap-
     
     
      pear.
      Your
      differences
      can
     
     
      make
      getting
      along
      difficult.
     
     
      You
      lose
      self-consciousness
     
     
      with
      each
      other,
      and
      that’s
     
     
      good.
      But
      if
      you
      are
      the
      least
     
     
      bit
      lazy,
      the
      lack
      of
      self-
     
     
      consciousness
      easily
      becomes
     
     
      complacency-
      not
      even
      trying
     
     
      to
      please
      each
      other.
      You
      have
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      special
      sex
      report
     
    
   
   
    
     
      to
      cope
      with
      what
      you
      don’t
     
     
      like
      about
      the
      other
      person
     
     
      and
      about
      yourself.
      This
      all
     
     
      affects
      sex.
      It
      does
      for
      any-
     
     
      body,
      married
      or
      not.
      It’s
     
     
      just
      that
      some
      people
      split
      up
     
     
      long
      before
      they
      even
      get
     
     
      started
      at
      the
      hard
      parts
      of
     
     
      achieving
      great
      sex-
      and
      great
     
     
      love.
     
    

    
     
      But
      marriage,
      Christian
     
     
      Marriage,
      makes
      you
      stick
      with
     
     
      it.
      When
      splitting
      up
      is
      nota
     
     
      serious
      consideration,
      you
     
     
      have
      the
      best
      chance
      to
      find
     
     
      satisfaction,
      love,
      and
      yes,
     
     
      even
      great
      sex-
      because
      you
     
     
      keep
      on
      working
      at
      it,
      year
     
     
      after-year.
     
    

    
     
      In
      the
      process,
      you
      find
     
     
      out
      that
      sex
      was
      something
     
     
      different
      from
      what
      you
     
     
      thought.
      It
      is
      greater,
      and
     
     
      lesser,
      than
      you
      ever
      imag-
     
     
      ined.
      Great
      as
      sex
      is,
      it
     
     
      shrinks’
      in
      comparison
      to
      the
     
     
      greatness
      of
      the
      love
      of
      your
     
     
      partner
      that
      hides
      nothing,
     
     
      knows
      everything,
      shares
      eve-
     
     
      rything,
      and
      loves
      all
      the
     
     
      more.
      Sex
      becomes
      almost
      inci-
     
     
      dental,
      as
      just
      one
      part
      of
     
     
      the
      wonderful
      experience
      of
     
     
      true
      oneness
      with
      another
     
     
      human
      being.
     
    

    
     
      But
      in
      this
      oneness-
      this
     
     
      love-
      sex
      is
      also
      greater
      than
     
     
      you
      thought.
      It
      is
      more
      thrill
     
     
      than
      pleasure.
      It
      ties
      you
     
     
      into
      the
      deepest
      springs
      of
     
     
      love,
      love
      that
      has
      no
      limits
     
     
      and
      no
      end.
      This
      best
      sex
      is
     
     
      like
      a
      wonderful
      food.
      The
     
     
      sensations
      it
      offers-
      the
     
     
      smells,
      the
      tastes,
      the
      feel-
     
     
      ings-
      are
      fantastic.
      And
      the
     
     
      way
      it
      nourishes
      and
      heals
      you
     
     
      is
      even
      better.
      .
     
    

    
     
      I
      am
      not
      trying
      to
      kid
     
     
      you.
      Sex
      in
      marriage
      isn’t
     
     
      always,
      or
      even
      usually,
      like
     
     
      that.
      But
      it
      is
      sometimes.
      And
     
     
      from
      what
      I
      know,
      you
      can
      find
     
     
      the
      best
      sex
      nowhere
      else.
      It
     
     
      is
      very
      much
      worth
      waiting
      for
     
     
      with
      all
      your
      patience,
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _very
      much
      worth
      working
      toward
     
    
   
   
    
     
      with
      all
      your
      energy.