Fact
      &
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Maine
      is
      the
     
     
      toothpick
      capital
      of
     
     
      the
      world.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Maine
      is
     
     
      also
      the
      toothless
     
     
      capital
      of
      the
      world.
      If
     
     
      you
      want
      to
     
     
      compliment
      a
      girl
     
     
      from
      Maine,
      say,
     
     
      “Hey,
      nice
      tooth.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      New
      Jersey
     
     
      has
      a
      spoon
      museum
     
     
      with
      over
      5,400
     
     
      spoons
      from
      almost
      all
     
     
      the
      states.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Man,
      if
      I
     
     
      could
      only
      get
      into
     
     
      that
      spoon
      museum,
     
     
      I'd
      have
      enough
     
     
      spoons
      to
      start
      the
     
     
      coolest
      band.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      There
      was
     
     
      once
      a
      town
      in
      West
     
     
      Virginia
      called
      “6”.
     
     
      OPINION:
      There
      was
     
     
      once
      a
      town
      in
      West
     
     
      Virginia
      called
      “9”
      but
     
     
      seven
      eight
      nine.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Singapore
     
     
      only
      has
      one
      train
     
     
      station.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      And
     
     
      they’Il
      cane
      the
      shit
     
     
      out
      of
      you
      if
      you
      diss
     
     
      it.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      parking
     
     
      meter
      was
      invented
      in
     
     
      North
      Dakota.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      is
      also
     
     
      where
      the
      pay
      toilet
     
     
      was
      invented.
      You
     
     
      can’t
      park
      your
      car
      or
     
     
      use
      the
      washroom
     
     
      without
      a
      roll
      of
      —
     
     
      quarters
      in
      North
     
     
      Dakota.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Roman
     
     
      Emperor
      Caligula
     
    
   
   
    
     
      made
      his
      horse
      a
     
     
      senator.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      That
      was
     
     
      all
      right,
      but
      he
      looked
     
     
      silly
      riding
      to
      work
     
     
      everyday
      on
      the
      back
     
     
      of
      an
      old
      man.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      green
     
     
      stuff
      on
      the
      occasional
     
     
      freak
      potato
      chip
      is
     
     
      chlorophyll.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
      red
     
     
      stuff
      is
      blood.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      If
      you
      ate
      too
     
     
      many
      carrots
      you
     
     
      would
      turn
      orange.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Take
      my
     
     
      advice,
      do
      not
      eat
     
     
      anything
      grown
      on
     
     
      PEI.
      Any
      province
      that
     
     
      allows
      Anthrax
      to
      be
     
     
      used
      as
      a
      pesticide
      is
     
     
      bound
      to
      have
      orange
     
     
      Vegans.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Pluto’s
      orbit
     
     
      crosses
      Neptune’s
     
     
      making
      Pluto
      the
     
     
      eighth
      planet
      from
      the
     
     
      sun.
      It
      has
      been
      that
     
     
      way
      since
      1979
      and
     
     
      will
      remain
      that
      way
     
     
      until
      1999.
     
     
      OPINION:
      In
      the
     
     
      year
      2000
      Uranus
      is
     
     
      going
      to
      be
      in
      orbit,
     
     
      because
      I’m
      going
     
     
      give
      it
      a
      well
      deserved
     
     
      kickin’.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      earth
      is
     
     
      approx.
     
     
      6,588,000,000,000,000,000
     
     
      tons.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Wow,
      the
     
     
      earth
      weighs
      a
      ton!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      force
      of
      1
     
     
      billion
      people
      jumping
     
     
      at
      the
      same
      time
      is
     
     
      equal
      to
      500
      tons
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      stephan
      macleod
     
    
   
   
    
     
      INT.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Please,
     
     
      people,
      ignore
      House
     
    
   
   
    
     
      of
      Pain’s
      commands
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “Get
      out
      your
      seat
      and
     
     
      jump
      around”.
      They
     
     
      are
      members
      of
      the
     
     
      IRA
      and
      are
      trying
      to
     
     
      cause
      trouble.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      “FACT:
      Popeye
      was
     
    
   
   
    
     
      56;
     
     
      OPINION:
      He
      was
     
     
      also
      a
      member
      of
      the
      ©
     
    
   
   
    
     
      will
      both
      be
      President.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      percent
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      women
      who
      wash
     
     
      their
      hands
      after
     
     
      leaving
      a
      restroom
      is
     
     
      80%.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      Godliness
     
    
   
   
    
     
      is
      next
      to
      cleanliness,
     
     
      but
      God’s
      a
      man
      so
      it
     
     
      doesn’t
      matter
      how
     
     
      often
      women
      wash
     
     
      their
      hands.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Village
      People.
      FACT:
      The
      percent
      of
     
     
      men
      who
      wash
      their
     
    

    
     
      FACT:
      Howdy
      Doody
      _
      hands
      after
      using
      a
     
    

    
     
      had
      48
      freckles.
      restroom
      is
      55%,
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      He
     
    

    
     
      didn’t
      call
      them
     
    

    
     
      freckles,
      he
     
    

    
     
      thought
      he
      He
      step
      ped
     
    

    
     
      caught
      VD
      from
      with
      his
      right
     
    
   
   
    
     
      having
      a
      hand
     
     
      stuck
      up
      his
      ass.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Neil
     
     
      Armstrong
     
     
      stepped
      on
      the
     
     
      moon
      with
      his
     
    
   
   
    
     
      foot
      next,
      did
     
     
      the
      hokey
     
     
      pokey
      and
      he
     
     
      turned
     
     
      himself
      about.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      left
      foot
      first.
     
     
      OPINION:
      He
     
     
      stepped
      with
      his
      right
     
     
      foot
      next,
      did
      the
     
     
      hokey
      pokey
      and
      he
     
     
      turned
      himself
      about.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      average
     
     
      speed
      of
      Heinz
     
     
      ketchup
      leaving
      the
     
     
      bottle
      is
      25
      miles
      per
     
    
   
   
    
     
      year.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      That’s
     
     
      almost
      faster
      than
     
     
      Terry
      Fox.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Hilary
      Clinton
     
     
      once
      said,
      “We
      are
      the
     
     
      President.”
     
     
      OPINION:
      Bill
     
     
      Clinton
      tells
      any
     
     
      woman
      he
      wants
      to
     
     
      sleep
      with
      that
      they
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      Most
      men
     
    
   
   
    
     
      refuse
      to
      wash
      their
     
     
      hands
      because
      they
     
    

    
     
      mistake
      urinal
      cakes
     
     
      for
      bars
      of
      soap,
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      there’s
      no
      way
      they’re
      ©
     
     
      touching
      one
      of
      those.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      There
      are
      333
     
    
   
   
    
     
      toilet
      paper
      squares
      on
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      toilet
      paper
      roll.
     
     
      OPINION:
      There
      are
     
    
   
   
    
     
      nine
      squares
      on
      the
      hit
     
    
   
   
    
     
      game
      show,
     
     
      Hollywood
      Squares,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      Whoopi
      Goldberg
     
    
   
   
    
     
      is
      in
      the
      center.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Eifel
     
     
      Tower
      has
      2
      500
      000
     
     
      rivets
      in
      it.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      Rivets?
      I
     
     
      thought
      French
      people
     
     
      were
      called
      Frogs.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      “Jaws”
      is
      the
     
     
      most
      common
      name
     
     
      for
      a
      goldfish.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Jaws
      IV
      is
     
     
      the
      most
      common
     
     
      name
      for
      a
      shitty
     
     
      movie
      starring
     
     
      Michael
      Cain.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      On
      an
      average
     
     
      workday,
      a
      typist’s
     
     
      fingers
      travel
      12.6
     
     
      miles.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      typists
     
     
      didn’t
      travel
      12.6
     
     
      miles
      to
      escape
      the
     
     
      unwanted
      touching
      by
     
     
      their
      bosses
      and
      stayed
     
     
      in
      front
      of
      their
     
     
      typewriter,
      they
      would
     
     
      probably
      get
      more
     
     
      work
      done.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      average
      -
     
     
      American
      eats
      2
     
     
      donuts
      a
      day.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Fritters
     
     
      are
      another
      story.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      longest
     
     
      word
      in
      the
      Old
     
     
      Testament
      is
     
     
      Malhershalahashbaz.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      means
     
     
      “God
      was
      just
      joking
     
     
      about
      that
      whole
      ‘thou
     
     
      shall
      not
      murder’
     
     
      thing.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      longest
     
     
      time
      a
      person
      has
      been
     
     
      in
      a
      coma
      is
      37
      years.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I
      once
     
     
      thought
      I
      was
      in
      a
     
     
      coma
      for
      12
      years,
      but
     
     
      it
      turns
      out
      I
      was
      just
     
     
      really
      bored.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ze@®
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Every
      minute
     
     
      in
      the
      U.S
      6
      people
     
     
      turn
      17.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      A
      17
      year
     
     
      old
      may
      be
      old
      enough
     
     
      to
      drive
      a
      car,
      but
      will
     
     
      have
      to
      wait
      another
     
     
      10
      years
      before
      he
      can
     
     
      even
      think
      about
     
     
      playing
      a
      character
      on
     
     
      Dawson’s
      Creek.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      baby
      is
      bo
     
     
      every
      7
      seconds.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I
      say
      to
     
     
      hell
      with
      babies,
     
     
      they’re
      not
      as
      cute
      as
     
     
      dogs.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      97.10
      tons
      of
     
     
      space-dust
      fall
      on
      the
     
     
      Earth
      everyday.
     
     
      OPINION:
      They
     
     
      materialize
      in
      the
      form
     
     
      of
      Star
      Wars:
      The.
     
     
      Phantom
      Menace
     
     
      merchandise.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      On
      average,
      4
     
     
      4
      year
      old
      child
      asks
     
     
      437
      questions
      a
      day.
     
     
      OPINION:
      They
     
     
      can’t
      be
      asking
      the
     
     
      right
      questions
     
     
      because
      the
     
     
      information
      Barney
     
     
      spews
      at
      them
      is
      pretty
     
     
      simple.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      It
      takes
      the
     
     
      Where’s
      Waldo
      artist
     
     
      one
      month
      to
      complet
     
     
      a
      drawing.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      OPINION:
      It
      took
      m
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      couple
      of
      years
      to
     
     
      even
      find
      Waldo,
      but
     
     
      I’ve
      since
      given
      up.
      |
     
     
      find
      pornography
      to
     
     
      a
      lot
      sexier
      than
     
     
      children’s
      books.
     
     
      END