UPEI SUN November 11, 1982 
     
    
   
   
    
     “Hill” 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     A 
     
    
   
   
    
     The Gospel According to 
     
     St. Cranston 
     
     BOOK I: ORIGINS 
     
    

    
     In the beginning, 
     
     God created the Campus, 
     
     and saw that it was good. 
     
     "But lo," He said into 
     
     himself,"The Campus doth 
     
     need something Else." 
     
     And he did realize that 
     
     he needeth Buildings. 
     
     The thought didst not 
     
     occur to Him that He did 
     
     not know what Buildings 
     
     were. 
     
    

    
     And so it came to 
     
     pass that on the second 
     
     day, He didst create En? 
     
     gineers to design His 
     
     Builings. And they did— 
     
     st create the Buildings 
     
     before the Second day 
     
     was over, and indeed it 
     
    
   
   
    
     was good. ' "' 7 
     
    
   
   
    
     And on the Third day, 
     
     the Engineers were thir- 
     
     sty, and thus did God 
     
     create Brew, for Hewas 
     
     grateful. And the Engin- 
     
     eers didst drug the Brew 
     
     for it was good. 
     
    

    
     On the Fourth Day, 
     
     when the Buildings hadst 
     
     been built, and Brew 
     
     hadst been chugged, and 
     
     the Engineer's heads 
     
     didst ache, God realized 
     
     that the Campus needed 
     
     more. He created Nurses 
     
     and thus, Reproduction 
     
     came to pass. 
     
    

    
     And. on the Fifth Day, 
     
     God didst see that the 
     
     Engineers need leader— 
     
     ship, and thus He passed' 
     
     His Revelations unto the 
     
     humble Cranston Snord, 
     
     who didst become Saint 
     
     Cranston. 
     
    

    
     After Five Days of 
     
     Hard Work, He was.extrene— 
     
     1y weary. And thus on 
     
     the Sixth Day, He came 
     
     to commit a grievious 
     
     error. Instead of cre- 
     
     ating High Life Forms, 
     
     He breathed life into 
     
    

    
     stinking excretions of 
     
     cattle, and Biologists, 
     
     Business Students, and 
     
     Artsies came into being. 
     
     Lo and behold, He had 
     
     made his first Mistake. 
     
    

    
     And on the Seventh 
     
     Day, to repent for His 
     
    
   
   
    
     —.__._—_. .. 
     
    
   
   
    
     THE 
     
    
   
   
    
     Mistake, he didst 
     
     create a Party, and the 
     
     people rejoiced. And 
     
     since He was on a Roll, 
     
     he didst Party with 
     
    

    
     the People, and it,too, 
     
     was good. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Good Jokes 
     
    
   
   
    
     What ended the leper card 
     
     game? One leper threw 
     
     his hand in and the rest 
     
     of then laughed their 
     
     heads off. 
     
    
   
   
    
     What stopped the leper 
     
    
   
   
    
     _ hockey game? There was 
     
    
   
   
    
     a face off in the corner. 
     
    
   
   
    
     OBAD JOKES 
     
    
   
   
    
     What do you do with a 
     
     dog that has no legs? 
     
    
   
   
    
     . Take it for 'a drag. 
     
    
   
   
    
     lst Kid: "Let's go 
     
     catch some frogs." 
     
     2nd Kid: "Where will 
     
     we get the money to 
     
     go to Quebec?" 
     
    
   
   
    
     What's the only part of 
     
     a vegetable you can't eat? 
     
     The Wheelchair. 
     
    
   
   
    
     What do you call a dog 
     
     with no legs? 
     
    

    
     You don't call him 
     
     anything, he wouldn't 
     
     ccme anyway. 
     
    

    
     Kids - Can Johnny cane 
     
    
   
   
    
     out and play baseball? 
     
     Mother - But Johnny 
     
    
   
   
    
     ENGINEERS 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     M; E.” i 
     
      7 
     
    
   
   
    
     D \\ 
     
     ' Funny taut", l' 
     
     1.0"— on]: 0 Hart ' 
     
     Mm 0 
     
     a 
     
     at. A ' 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     be so easily fooled by 
     
     this imposter. I 
     
     believe his name is 
     
     Carlos de Wetback. A 
     
     few comments about this 
     
     Business society. The 
     
     whole bunch of you must 
     
     be quite stupid. You 
     
     elect a close relative 
     
     to the Cow family as 
     
     your president, and 
     
    

    
     we all know the mental 
     
     capability of Moose is 
     
     surely nothing to brag 
     
     about. The Vice- 
     
     president is another 
     
     joke, elect a crziinjnall 
     
     and he's reportedly rela 
     
     related to the fowl f 
     
     family. (notably the 
     
     chicken). Your Junior y . 
     
     class rep. i11 a fuzzy—  
     
     headed little midget. i 
     
     Sounds like the Muppet § 
     
     show. Where's Miss Piggy,i 
     
     you knobbers? This  
     
     bleary eyed, drunken 1; 
     
     Engineer would like to . 
     
     congratulate you on 
     
     your "original" test. 
     
    
   
   
    
          
     
    
   
   
    
     funk” “Alum, .. 
     
    
   
   
    
     1: REAMV ppu’r 
     
     came I: 
     
    
   
   
    
          
     
             
     
          
     
    
   
   
    
     "Anna “quart; 
     
     DON’T 511/6 
     
    
   
   
    
           
     
    
   
   
    
     manner 
     
     H ""an 
     
    
   
   
    
     7" Wine Mrsi 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     I l 
     
    
   
   
    
     ’HJ_’___1.'H. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     i  
     
     It's all  done 5 { WWW . 
     
     before and It belongs  I f“ A M. 5,“ mm‘ g 
     
     not on these pages ; 2 » a: wem, firm I; ‘ l 
     
     but in the garbage  i "m" 7" W“ "155.9551 % 
     
     It's been rumoured that  i . '~ 
     
     the Dizzy Business society; 
     
     is the runaway favorite ‘ . 
     
     ' .__._..__. ____L$_.___"£ 
     
      °"““_‘__3fif‘__.-__-____.___i 
     
    
   
   
    
     again this year for the 
     
     Brown-nosing honours. 
     
     Take a good sniff 
     
     because it's your brains 
     
     you're smelling. 
     
    

    
     Guido Sanchez 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     doesn't have any arms 
     
     and legs. 
     
    

    
     Kids — That's okay, we 
     
     want him for first base. 
     
    
   
   
    
     GUIDO C(NMENI‘S ON DIZZY 
     
     HJSINESS ZOO. 
     
    
   
   
    
     It has cone to my atte- 
     
     ntion that there is an 
     
     Artsie masquerading as an 
     
     Engineer over at the 
     
     Business society (if you 
     
     can call it that). 
     
     Obviously this person 
     
     is wishing that he be a : 
     
     somebody. We at the top 
     
     find this amusing to 
     
     know that the little 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     .‘VIEN FEW; 
     
      of th 
     
    
   
   
    
     an 
     
    
   
   
    
     .1 I.D.  Betts. 
     
    
   
   
    
          
     
    
   
   
    
     THE, " TGIF—5‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     I f, ,_ . _ _ - 
     
     v c .: ’ ‘ ‘ 
     
     _ 4.. - f . _ y ' _ t 
     
     : ' A 
     
    
   
   
    
     to: I V ,1 ,- 
     
     Jaif-r 565” °" 
     
     - TMTQNG 645,4." 
     
     . at in ‘ >‘ . 
     
     Sue " do you have an 
     
     1. I, flfiifitktaxfif 
     
    
   
   
    
     --;L,.-i..;--- .w‘.   ‘ 
     
     ._ /.|. -«.,.{.... v“.\::~.:.'s :, v 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     minds over there can