sands
      cosmic
      slugfests.
      Sound
      and
      fury
      signifying
     
     
      nothing.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Midnight
      Sons:
     
     
      (new
      horror/mystic
      oriented
      line
      of
      comics
     
    
   
   
    
     
      within
      the
      Marvel
      Comics
      line)
     
    

    
     
      Trading
      on
      the
      popularity
      of
      Ghost
      Rider,
      (a
     
     
      demonic
      motorcyclist
      and
      self-proclaimed
      spirit
     
     
      of
      vengeance)
      Marvel
      is
      tying
      together
      books
     
     
      and
      characters
      both
      new
      (Hellstorm,
     
     
      Nightstalkers,
      Morbius,
      etc.)
      and
      old
      (the
      ven-
     
     
      erable
      Doctor
      Strange,
      Sorceror
      Supreme)
      in
      an
     
     
      interconnected
      subgroup
      of
      series
      called
      “Mid-
     
     
      night
      Sons”.
      It’s
      just
      a
      superficial
      makeover,
      and
     
     
      most
      of
      the
      Midnight
      Sons
      books
      remain
      shal-
     
     
      low,
      simplistic
      tales
      hinging
      on
      excessive
      vio-
     
     
      lence,
      hideous
      bad
      guys
      and
      an
      attempt
      at
     
     
      fostering
      a
      dark,
      nasty
      atmosphere.
      Many
      of
      the
     
     
      books
      (particulary
      Ghost
      Rider
      and
      its
      many
     
     
      spin-offs)
      are
      just
      dark
      alleys
      leading
      nowhere.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Avengers/X-Men
      30th
      anniversaries:
     
     
      (related
      ongoing
      series
      include
      Avengers,
      Aveng-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ers
      West
      Coast,
      X-Men,
      and
      Uncanny
      X-Men,
     
     
      as
      well
      as
      countless
      spin-offs
      and
      tie-ins)
     
    

    
     
      Writer
      Bob
      Harras
      and
      artists
      Steve
      Epting
     
     
      and
      Tom
      Palmer
      have
      single-handedly
      revital-
     
     
      ized
      the
      stagnating
      Avengers
      title,
      which
      for
     
     
      years
      has
      suffered
      from
      the
      absence
      of
      charac-
     
     
      terization,
      and
      ageneral
      lack
      of
      direction.
      Harras
     
     
      and
      company
      have
      restored
      to
      Avengers
      such
     
     
      integral
      elements
      as
      characterization,
      continu-
     
     
      ity,
      and
      suspense,
      as
      well
      as
      some
      fine
      imagina-
     
     
      tive
      plotting
      and
      interesting
      takes
      on
      new
      and
     
     
      old
      characters.
      Avengers
      is
      currently
      the
      gem
      of
     
     
      super
      team
      comics
      again,
      and
      the
      Avengers
     
     
      West
      Coast
      ongoing
      companion
      series
      is
      cur-
     
     
      rently
      enjoying
      competent
      writing,
      excellent
     
     
      art,
      and
      an
      attractive
      line-up
      of
      characters.
      Also
     
     
      look
      for
      neat
      tie-ins
      like
      Avengers:Terminatrix
     
     
      Objective
      (
      a
      lushly
      detailed
      time
      travel
      mini-
     
     
      series),
      a
      gorgeous
      commemorative
      poster
      by
     
     
      George
      Perez,
      anda
      crossover
      with
      the
      X-Men
     
     
      resolving,
      among
      other
      things,
      the
      evil
      Magne-
     
     
      to’s
      designs
      on
      his
      kids,
      Quicksilver
      and
      Scarlet
     
     
      Witch,
      and
      Quicksilver’s
      offspring
      Luna
      (not
      to
     
     
      mention
      the
      love
      triangle
      betwixt
      Quicksilver,
     
     
      his
      estranged
      wife
      Crystal
      and
      the
      Black
      Knight).
     
     
      As
      for
      X-Men
      andits
      related
      titles,
      it
      seems
      that,
     
     
      apart
      from
      the
      Avengers
      crossover,
      we
      can
     
     
      expect
      more
      of
      the
      same
      old
      mutant
      angst
      and
     
     
      recycled
      plotlines
      whether
      or
      not
      it’s
      their
      30th
     
     
      anniversary.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      That's
      all
      for
      this
      week.
      It’s
      only
      a
      tiny
      sampling
     
     
      and
      is
      limited
      to
      the
      two
      major
      companies,
      but
     
     
      in
      the
      weeks
      to
      come
      we'll
      be
      covering
      some
      of
     
     
      these
      books
      in
      more
      depth
      and
      taking
      a
      look
      at
     
     
      other
      ongoing
      series
      and
      new
      releases
      from
      a
     
     
      variety
      of
      publishers,
      including
      Star
      Trek:Deep
     
     
      Space
      Nine,
      The
      Golden
      Age,
      Eclipso,
      Catwoman,
     
     
      Aquaman,
      Robin,
      Spawn,
      The
      Outsiders,
     
     
      Thunderstrike,
      Guardians
      of
      the
      Galaxy,
      New
     
     
      Warriors,
      and
      many
      more.
      See
      you
      in
      the
      funny
     
     
      Papers.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      SEAN
      MCQUAID
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Movie
      Review
      65
     
     
      minutes
      in
      the
     
     
      Making...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ©
      not
      attempt
      to
      adjust
      your
      newspa-
     
    

    
     
      D
      per.|am
      controlling
      the
      horizontal.
      |am
     
     
      controlling
      the
      vertical.
      |
      am
      making
     
    

    
     
      tired
      jokes.
      |
      am
      speaking
      in
      the
      first
      person...
     
     
      Aw,
      enough
      of
      that.
      Welcome
      back
      to
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      only
      B-
      movie
      column
      on
      campus,
      Turkey
      Din-
     
     
      ner.
      Just
      so
      there’s
      no
      confusion,
      THIS
      IS
      NOT
     
    
   
   
    
     
      last
      year
      some
      people
      passed
      it
      by,
      apparently
     
     
      mistaking
      Captain
      America
      for
      some
      new
      kind
     
     
      of
      mixed
      drink
      and
      reading
      The
      Lawnmower
     
     
      Man
      as
      a
      cannibalistic
      new
      way
      of
      looking
      at
     
     
      landscaping.
      We'll
      not
      make
      fun
      of
      them
      for
      it.
     
     
      Much.
     
    

    
     
      You
      Frosh
      out
      there,
      looking
      so...
      so...
      stupid
     
     
      in
      your
      white
      beanies,
      are
      probably
      not
      familiar
     
     
      with
      my
      manic
      scripture,
      so
      let
      me
      fill
      you
      in.
     
     
      Each
      week
      [that
      |
      get
      around
      to
      it]
      |
      brave
      the
     
     
      dim
      reaches
      of
      the
      video
      stores
      for
      hidden
     
     
      treasure.
      |
      aman
      adventurer.
      See,
      it’s
      really
      easy
     
     
      to
      pick
      a
      recent
      release
      off
      the
      shelf,
      or
      to
      find
     
     
      something
      with
      a
      favourite
      star
      in
      it.
      But
      that’s
     
     
      too
      simple
      for
      me.
      So
      |
      pass
      right
      by
      the
      glowing
     
     
      new
      video
      cases,
      past
      the
      cardboard
      stand-ups
     
     
      and
      thewrinkled
      posters
      for
      new
      tapes,
      past
      the
     
     
      sign
      that
      says
      “Abandon
      All
      Hope,
      Ye
      Who
     
     
      Enter
      Here”.
      |
      trek
      into
      the
      mostly
      uncharted
     
     
      wilderness
      that
      is
      (Gasp!)
      Back
      Stock.
      |
      scan
      for
     
     
      the
      one
      tape
      among
      the
      many
      that
      deserves
      to
     
     
      be
      freed
      from
      its
      long
      stay
      in
      cassette
      purga-
     
     
      tory...
      E
     
    

    
     
      ~
      It
      takes
      a
      while
      to
      find
      the
      truly
      excellent.
     
     
      Too
      often
      mediocrity
      is
      your
      reward
      for
      taking
     
     
      a
      chance
      on
      an
      older
      tape.
     
     
      A
      good
      rule
      of
      thumb:
      If
      someone
      has
     
     
      written
      “Rent
      Me”
      in
      the
      dust
      on
      the
      slip
      cover,
     
     
      it’s
      usually
      a
      good
      idea
      to
      stay
      far
      away.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      But
      if
      you've
      got
      a
      friend
      who
      knows
      his
      way
     
     
      around
      the
      racks,
      you
      can
      find
      treasure
      for
      the
     
     
      taking.
      A
      great
      movie
      that
      missed
      the
      public’s
     
     
      eye,
      or
      something
      so
      beautifully
      awful
      you
      can’t
     
     
      help
      but
      laugh
      and
      wonder
      howanyone
      could
      be
     
     
      so
      dumb.
      And
      that’s
      why
      I’m
      here.
      To
      be
      that
     
     
      friend.
      So
      pull
      out
      your
      machete,
      limber
      up
      the
     
     
      whip
      and
      don
      your
      battered
      old
      felt
      hat,
      ‘cause
     
     
      by
      GOD
      we're
      gonna
      have
      us
      some
      dumb
      fun
     
     
      tonight!
     
    

    
     
      Ahem.
      The
      first
      movie
      we
      will
      look
      at
      this
     
     
      year
      is
      a
      thankfully
      little
      known
      import
      called
     
     
      Lion
      Man.
      This
      boffo
      fun
      flick
      comes
      to
      our
     
     
      shores
      from
      Turkey.
      That’s
      right,
      guys:
      A
      turkey
     
     
      (bad
      movie)
      from
      Turkey
      (a
      country)
      in
      Turkey
     
     
      Dinner
      (a
      column
      where
      |
      get
      to
      lip
      off)!!
      Can
     
     
      someone
      out
      there
      give
      me
      the
      odds
      on
      a
      triple
     
     
      gobbler?
     
    

    
     
      (I
      won't
      play
      off
      the
      turkey
      thing
      often,
      but
     
     
      |
      thought
      it
      would
      be
      important
      to
      get
      it
      out
      of
     
     
      the
      way,
      and
      this
      seemeda
      golden
      opportunity.)
     
    

    
     
      It’s
      easy
      to
      miss
      the
      plot
      in
      Lion
      Man.
      There’s
     
     
      this
      Moorish
      king
      (Costner
      fans
      know
      which
     
     
      minority
      |
      mean)
      named
      Solomon
      who
      has
      just
     
     
      won
      a
      bloody
      battle
      against
      some
      vaguely
      evil
     
     
      duke
      character.
      Being
      super-fertile,
      he
      knocks
     
     
      up
      both
      his
      wife
      and
      the
      duke’s.
      Just
      as
      the
      good
     
     
      king’s
      wife
      goes
      into
      labour,
      the
      castle
      is
      at-
     
     
      tacked,and
      the
      king
      killed
      (his
      hands
      are
      chopped
     
     
      offas
      he
      holds
      a
      gate
      closed).
      His
      sacrifice
      allows
     
     
      his
      wife
      the
      time
      to
      get
      far
      enough
      away
      from
      the
     
     
      castleto
      drop
      the
      kid,
      give
      it
      to
      her
      loyal
      servant,
     
     
      and
      die.
      Loyal
      Servant
      hides
      the
      kid
      and
      distracts
     
     
      the
      pursuing
      enemies,
      but
      when
      he
      comes
      back
     
     
      for
      the
      amazingly
      quiet
      baby,
      it
      has
      been
      carried
     
     
      off
      by
      (big
      surprise)
      lions.
     
    

    
     
      Confused?
      It’s
      worse
      if
      you
      watch
      the
      movie.
     
     
      All
      of
      the
      above
      plot
      happens
      in
      the
      first
      five
     
     
      minutes
      or
      so,
      with
      absolutely
      no
      explanations
     
     
      as
      to
      what’s
      going
      on,
      and
      has
      little
      bearing
      on.
     
     
      the
      rest
      of
      the
      movie
      anyway.
     
    

    
     
      Flash-forward
      about
      twenty
      years.
      The
      bad:
     
     
      guy’s
      cheeks
      are
      starting
      to
      spread
      from
      all
      that
     
    

    
     
      ..continued
      on
      next
      page
     
    
   
   
    
     
      September
      9,
      1993/X-Press/13