OCTOBER 28 ]982 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
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     VIEW f“ ‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     llllllllll’ 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     GOLDIIOCI(S}AND TI-E THREE 
     
     ENGINEEIS 
     
    
   
   
    
     Yes,you poor dlmb artsies 
     
     its fable time again on 
     
     campus and we'll tell you 
     
     the one about Goldilocks 
     
     and the three Engineers. 
     
    

    
     (hoe upon a time, there 
     
     was a little artsie named 
     
     Goldilocks, she was a 
     
     freshette and on her 
     
     first stroll about the 
     
     campus she became very 
     
     disoriented (nothing 
     
     new for artsies) and 
     
     became totally lost. 
     
    

    
     She wandered into the 
     
     first building she came 
     
     to which happened to be 
     
     the Kelley building 
     
    

    
     where she was met by a 
     
     dizzy business student. 
     
     Goldilocks was a h———y 
     
     little artsie and t?- ought 
     
     she might indulge in 
     
     extra-curricular activi— 
     
     ties. The dizzy business 
     
     student escorted her in— 
     
     side but he was too shy 
     
     (or too stupid) to even 
     
     touch her and soon Gold— 
     
     ilocks became very bored 
     
     and left her impotent 
     
     little friend and said to 
     
     him, "You're just too shy 
     
     (stiffen up) ". 
     
    

    
     (hoe outside again, she 
     
     spied the Duffy Science 
     
     Oenter and very foolishly 
     
     (artsie , of course) went 
     
     upstairs to the Biology 
     
     floor where she came ac— 
     
     ross two freaked-out Dr. 
     
     Suzuki Bio bums and they 
     
     were all smoking and 
     
     tokin up (real Space 
     
    
   
   
    
     THE 
     
    
   
   
    
     chickens). Little Gold— 
     
     ilocks turned around 
     
    

    
     and dashed for the eleva-f 
     
     tor, she wanted nothing 
     
     to do with no Bio student 
     
     (face it who does?). Re— 
     
     lieved owe in the ele— 
     
     vator, Goldilocks said 
     
     "My God: They're weird 
     
     and creepy." 
     
    

    
     By now, Goldilocks was 
     
     all tired out fron these 
     
     disappointing experiences 
     
     when the elevator reached 
     
     first floor, Goldilocks ' 
     
     peeked inside the Engim: 
     
     neering room, seeing it 
     
     empty she crawled upon a 
     
     drafting table and fell 
     
     fast asleep. 
     
    

    
     Three Engineers return— 
     
     ing to do some late even— 
     
     ing planning were surpri— 
     
     sed to find little Goldi— 
     
     locks sprawled out seduc- 
     
     tively o1 a drafting 
     
     table. And in no time they 
     
     were busy examing her cir- 
     
     cuits (and fine they were) 
     
     Awake now was Goldilocks 
     
     and the Engineers took 
     
     her up to one of the rooms 
     
     in Blanchard Hall for a 
     
     few dozen drinks. The rest 
     
     figure out yourselves 
     
     (want a hint? Goldilocks 
     
     is not h———-y no more her 
     
     last words were "You Rn- 
     
     gineers are just rightlli) 
     
    

    
     Goldilocks was never 
     
     found or seen again. It is 
     
    
   
   
    
     rumored that she is still 
     
    
   
   
    
     in the Engineers room. (she 
     
     must like,it) 
     
    

    
     The moral of our story 
     
     is "Freshettes don't waste 
     
    
   
   
    
     your time on Bio's, Artsies 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     ENGINEERS 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     dizzy Busi's, you'll only 
     
     be disappointed. Go where 
     
     satisfaction is guaranteed 
     
     See an Engineer! 
     
    

    
     Guido Sanchez 
     
    

    
     We in the engineering 
     
     department feel that the 
     
     standards in this univer- 
     
     sity campus are becoming 
     
     dangerously low. Because 
     
     of this growing problem, 
     
     we have put todether a 
     
     new set of entrance exams 
     
     which We know will upgrade 
     
     the quality of students 
     
     coming in to this univer- 
     
     sity. 
     
    

    
     w Read each 
     
     question carefully. An— 
     
     swer all questions. 
     
    

    
     Time Limit: 4 hours 
     
    

    
     Begin Immediately. 
     
     HISTORY: Describe 
     
     the history of the papacy 
     
     from its origin to present 
     
     day, concentrating espec- 
     
     ially but not exclusively" 
     
    
   
   
    
     ‘on its social, political, 
     
    
   
   
    
     economic, religious, and 
     
     philosophical impact 
     
     on Europe, Asia, America, 
     
     and Africa. Be brief, 
     
     concise and specific. 
     
     MEDICINE: You have been 
     
     provided with a razor— 
     
     blade, a piece of gauze, 
     
     and a bottle of scotch. 
     
     Remove your appendix. Do 
     
     no suture until your work _ 
     
     has been inspected. You 
     
     have fifteen minutes. 
     
     PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2; 500 
     
     riot—crazed aborigines 
     
     are storming the classroom. 
     
     Calm them. You may use 
     
     any ancient language 
     
     except Latin or Greek. 
     
    
   
   
    
     s'mzkw  
     
    
   
   
    
     BIOIOGY: Create‘life. ~ 
     
     Estimate the differences 
     
     in subsequent hmnan ' ' 
     
     culture if this form of; 
     
     life had developed 509, 
     
     millim years earlier '7 ‘ 
     
     with special attentio'1 
     
     to its probable effects 
     
     on the English Parlimen- 
     
    
   
   
    
     tary system Prove 
     
     your thesis. . 
     
     MUSIC: Write a piano (XII-r. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     certo. Orchestrate and C 
     
     perform it with flute and, 
     
     drum. You will find a 
     
     piano under vour seat. 
     
     SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the 
     
     sociological problems 
     
     which might acconpany the 
     
     end of the world. Con— 
     
     struct an experiement 
     
     to test your theory. 
     
     ECDNOMICS: Develop a 
     
     realistic plan for the 
     
     refinancing of the nation- 
     
     al debt. Trace the. pos- 
     
     sible effects of your plan 
     
     in the following areas: 
     
     ‘Cubism, the DonatiSe ' 
     
     omtraversy, the wave 
     
     theory of light. Out— 
     
     line a method for 
     
     preventing this method 
     
     from all possible points 
     
     of view. * ‘ 
     
    

    
     POLITICAL SCIENCE: 
     
    

    
     There is a red tele— 
     
     phone on the desk be- 
     
     side you. Start World 
     
     War III. Reporton its 
     
     sociopolitical effects, 
     
     if any. 
     
    

    
     PHYSICS: EXplain the 7 
     
     nature of matter. Include 
     
     in your answer an eval-‘- 
     
     uatioq of the impact of 
     
     the development of math—” 
     
     ematics of science. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     ONE: DAY WHILE 001- 
     
     HuN'nNQ ARTSHES 
     
    
   
   
    
     1m;th ALL 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     OK Slims THAT 
     
    
   
   
    
     meme. GM— AN 
     
     msn CALL AND 
     
      SEE. \r WE CAN 
     
     ‘ o my»; out. on“ 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     sAvE 1w; 0° 
     
     WALES! ;; 
     
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     WHALES} 
     
    
   
   
    
        
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
         
     
    
   
   
    
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