by
      Harry
      Allen
     
    
   
   
    
     
      This
      past
      summer
      while
     
     
      travelling
      through
      Germany,
      I
      had
     
     
      the
      misfortune
      of
      seeing
      the
      film
     
     
      ‘Congo”.
      The
      film,
      in
      case
      you
     
     
      have
      not
      seen
      it,
      is
      about
      a
      motley
     
     
      proup
      of
      researchers,
      schemers
      and
     
     
      Defence
      Department
      officials
      who
     
     
      po
      to
      Africa
      in
      an
      attempt
      to
      return
      a
     
     
      porilla
      to
      its
      home.
      Upon
      arrival
     
     
      they
      find
      the
      treasures
      of
      a
      past
     
     
      Fivilization
      and
      discover
      what
     
     
      happened
      to
      a
      group
      a
      Defence
     
     
      Department
      scientist
      who
      were
     
     
      earching
      for
      some
      special
      dia-
     
     
      onds
      that
      could
      be
      used
      to
      con-
     
     
      truct
      powerful
      lasers.
     
    

    
     
      This
      is
      what
      I
      understood
      to
     
     
      e
      the
      plot.
      I
      might
      be
      wrong,
      see
     
     
      s
      how
      it
      was
      all
      in
      German.
      About
     
     
      en
      minutes
      into
      the
      movie
      I
      realized
     
     
      at
      this
      was
      probably
      a
      good
      thing.
     
     
      he
      facial
      expressions
      and
      predict-
     
     
      bility
      of
      scenes
      made
      apparent
      the
     
     
      ow-calibre
      of
      the
      movie
      I
      was
     
     
      eing.
      To
      suffer
      through
      predict-
     
     
      ble
      and
      ridiculous
      dialogue
      might
     
     
      ave
      been
      too
      much.
      So,
      after
      the
     
     
      ovie
      I
      wondered
      --
      why
      did
      this
     
     
      Ovie
      get
      so
      much
      hype
      when
      it
     
     
      as
      so
      awful?
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
          
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      decided
      that
      the
      problem
      is
     
     
      ith
      the
      big
      movie
      studios
      in
      Holly-
     
     
      ‘ood.
      They
      need
      to
      generate
      the
     
     
      pearance
      of
      talent
      and,
      more
     
     
      portantly,
      household
      fame
      for
     
     
      ome
      element
      of
      the
      new
      release.
     
     
      ince
      everyone
      has
      seen
      Jurassic
     
     
      ark,
      and
      everyone
      knows
      that
     
     
      ichael
      Crichton
      is
      the
      author
      of
     
    

    
     
      e
      book
      on
      which
      the
      screenplay
     
    

    
     
      as
      based,
      why
      not
      use
      this
      author’s
     
     
      ame
      as
      the
      selling
      point
      for
      a
     
     
      popular
      summer
      release?
      I
      don’t
     
     
      think
      that
      the
      quality
      of
      movies
     
    

    
     
      Res
     
    
   
   
    
     
      HOLLYWOOD?
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ewspaper
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      would
      be
      so
      awful
      if
      was
      possible
      to
     
     
      generate
      more
      stars.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Week
      to
      week
      you
      see
      the
     
     
      same
      people
      gracing
      the
      covres
      of
     
     
      the
      tabloids,
      and
      the
      same
      goes
      for
     
     
      the
      contents
      of
      popular
      magazines
     
     
      like
      People.
      The
      public
      can
      only
     
     
      follow
      so
      many
      stars
      at
      once.
      The
     
     
      small
      number
      of
      legitimate
      super-
     
     
      stars
      must
      now
      work
      to
      complete
     
     
      movies
      as
      quickly
      as
      the
      public
      can
     
     
      consume
      them.
      This
      means
      that
     
     
      there
      is
      no
      time
      to
      make
      an
      effort
      at
     
     
      a
      quality
      production.
      For
      example,
     
     
      Wolf,
      starring
      Jack
      Nicholson
      and
     
     
      Michelle
      Pfeiffer,
      had
      several
      differ-
     
     
      ent
      screenwriters.
      The
      discontinuity
     
     
      of
      their
      ideas
      is
      obvious
      to
      anyone
     
     
      who’s
      seen
      it.
      Certain
      parts
      are
     
     
      completely
      incongruous
      with
      other
     
     
      parts
      and
      there
      isn’t
      even
      the
      slight-
     
     
      est
      attempt
      to
      reconcile
      these
      incon-
     
     
      sistencies.
      There
      simply
      isn’t
     
     
      enough
      time.
      These
      superstars
      have
     
     
      to
      be
      available
      for
      the
      next
      big
     
     
      release
      that
      feeds
      off
      their
      fame.
     
     
      You
      can
      be
      assured
      that
      the
      quality
     
     
      of
      these
      yet-to-be-made
      movies
      will
     
     
      be
      as
      awful
      as
      their
      predecessors
      --
     
     
      witness
      Dangerous
      Minds.
      In
      order
     
     
      to
      appear
      as
      if
      they
      are
      releasing
      the
     
     
      best
      new
      pictures,
      these
      producers
     
     
      have
      to
      spend
      incredible
      amounts
      of
     
     
      money
      to
      provide
      state
      of
      the
      art
     
     
      special
      effects.
      This
      gives
      the
     
     
      appearance
      of
      greatest
      available
     
     
      movie
      quality.
      My
      belief
      is
      that
      as
     
     
      technologies
      become
      cheaper
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      ways
      of
      creating
      fame
      becomes
     
     
      less
      centralized
      you
      will
      see
      inde-
     
     
      pendent
      movies
      replacing
      these
     
     
      huge
      production
      affairs
      as
      the
      pub-
     
     
      lic’s
      choice.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Arts
      &
      Entertainment
     
    
   
   
    
     
      APOCALYPSE
      NOW
      FOR
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Secret
      Of
      Pirate’s
      Manor
     
     
      Story:
      EricSuben
     
    

    
     
      Art:
      Berth
      Amoss
     
    

    
     
      (Andrews
      and
      McMeel)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Almosteveryone
      spentat
      least
     
     
      one
      childhood
      afternoon
      sitting
      on
      the
     
     
      kitchen
      floor
      with
      a
      jigsaw
      puzzle.
     
    

    
     
      Most
      of
      us
      have
      happy
      memories
      of
     
     
      chasinglost
      pieces
      behind
      the
      fridge
      or
     
     
      shooing
      the
      cat
      when
      she
      sat
      on
      the
     
     
      picture
      looking
      for
      attention.
      Ah,
     
     
      blissful
      youth!
      What
      parent
      doesn'ttry
     
     
      to
      distract
      their
      child
      with
      one
      of
      these
     
     
      fully-interlocking
      beauties?
     
    

    
     
      That's
      the
      kind
      of
      market
      The
     
     
      Secret
      of
      Pirate
      Manorhopesto
      cash
     
     
      inon.
      It’s
      asimplistic
      story
      abouta
     
     
      couple
      of
      kids
      who
      explore
      an
      old
     
     
      pirate’s
      house,
      suffer
      a
      couple
      of
     
     
      scares,
      then
      suddenly
      find
      pirate
     
     
      treasure
      and
      turn
      the
      place
      intoa
     
     
      museum.
      Yay.
      Thegimmickthey
      hope
     
     
      will
      sell
      the
      book
      is
      the
      two-sided
     
     
      jigsaw
      puzzle
      included,
      which
      can
      be
     
     
      pushed
      out
      of
      the
      front
      cover
      and
     
     
      taken
      apart
      and
      then
      put
      together
     
     
      again
      to
      form
      a
      different
      picture
      on
      the
     
     
      inside
      back
      cover.
     
    

    
     
      To
      be
      kind,
      the
      idea
      of
      a
      pull-out
     
     
      jigsawis
      kind
      of
      neat.
      Itadds
      alittle
     
     
      sense
      of
      mystery.
      But
      pulling
      the
     
     
      puzzle
      out
      with
      its
      pieces
      intactis
     
    
   
   
    
     
      harderthan
      dentistry
      on
      ahungry
      lion
     
     
      andjamming
      the
      assembled
      puzzle
      bac
     
     
      into
      its
      die-cut
      tray
      requires
      repeated
     
     
      whackings.
      This
      adds
      an
      unfortunate
     
     
      edge
      of
      violence
      to
      the
      otherwise
     
     
      harmlesstale.
     
    

    
     
      Puzzle
      aside,
      the
      story
      is
      paper-
     
     
      thin
      and
      too
      insipid
      to
      hold
      the
      atten-
     
     
      tion
      of
      anyone
      past
      the
      age
      of
      3,
      whic!
     
     
      defeats
      the
      purpose
      of
      the
      sophisti-
     
     
      cated
      gimmick.
      The
      girlscreams
      at
     
     
      every
      noise
      (bad
      stereotyping).
      The
      :
     
     
      duo
      discovers
      treasure
      onthe
      very
      las
     
     
      page
      and
      turns
      the
      place
      into
      amu-
     
     
      seum
      --
      not
      too
      realistic.
      |
      knowit’s
     
     
      only
      akid’s
      book,
      but
      that’s
      not
      an
     
     
      excuse:
      any
      kidcan
      tell
      you
      that
      findin
     
     
      pirate
      gold
      is
      damn
      hard
      work!
      And
     
     
      while
      the
      art
      tries
      to
      be
      atmospheric
     
     
      by
      hiding
      thing
      in
      the
      shadows,
      it’s
      jus
     
     
      too
      crude.
     
    

    
     
      Do
      your
      kids
      a
      favour.
      Buy
      the:
     
     
      aLion
      King
      puzzle
      and
      a
      stack
      of
      old
     
     
      Beatrix
      Potter
      books.
      They'll
      have
     
     
      much
      more
      fun
      than
      they
      would
      with
     
     
      this.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      --T.
      Drake
     
    
   
   
    
     
      A
      Teacher
      Affects
      Eternity
     
     
      Edited
      by
      Linda
      Sunshine
     
     
      Andrews
      and
      McMeel
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Have
      you
      everhadateacher
     
     
      that
      changed
      your
      life?
      Showed
      you
     
     
      what
      you
      really
      wanted
      to
      be
      when
     
     
      you
      grew
      up?
      Orjust
      made
      science
     
     
      class
      fun?
      Then
      |
      have
      the
      bookto
     
     
      thank
      them
      for
      it.
      This
      bookis
      a
     
     
      tribute
      to
      teachers.
      The
      small,
      hard-
     
     
      cover
      book
      is
      filled
      with
      thoughts,
     
     
      phrases
      and
      personal
      recollections
     
     
      from
      all
      sorts
      of
      different
      people.
     
     
      Albert
      Einstein
      to
      Woody
      Allan,
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dickens
      to
      Churchill,
      all
      the
      major
     
     
      bases
      are
      covered.
      Itis
      full
      ofenough
     
     
      beautiful
      pictures
      and
      thoughts
      to
     
     
      make
      ateacher
      cry.
      This
      is
      awonder
     
     
      ful,
      wonderful
      book.
      Ifateacher
      has
     
     
      ever
      touched
      your
      life
      get
      them
      this
     
     
      book,
      after
      all“
      A
      teacher
      affects
     
     
      etemity:
      he
      can
      never
      tell
      where
      his
     
     
      influence
      stops.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Colleen
      Easter