Oso
      =z!
     
     
      [oe
      oe
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fact
      &
      OpINION
      iene
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Real
      Christmas
      trees
     
     
      are
      an
      all-American
      prod-
     
     
      uct,
      grown
      in
      all
      50
      states,
     
     
      including
      Alaska
      and
     
     
      Hawaii.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Fake
      Christmas
     
     
      trees
      are
      made
      in
      sweat-
     
     
      shops
      in
      Taiwan
      along
     
     
      with
      bootleg
      Backstreet
     
     
      Boys
      merchandise.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:Real
      Christmas
      trees
     
     
      are
      a
      renewable,
      recyclable
     
     
      resource.
      Artificial
      trees
     
     
      contain
      non-biodegradable
     
    

    
     
      lastics
      and
      metals.
     
     
      DPINION:'"<
      prefer
      plastics
     
     
      and
      metals
      in
      my
      Christ-
     
     
      mas
      tree
      than
      an
      angry
     
     
      woodpecker.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      There
      are
      about
      1
     
     
      million
      acres
      in
      production
     
     
      for
      growing
      Christmas
     
     
      trees.
      Each
      acre
      provides
     
     
      the
      daily
      oxygen
      require-
     
     
      ments
      of
      18
      people.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Who
      cares
      about
     
     
      oxygen?
      I
      just
      want
      my
     
    
   
   
    
     
      damn
      presents.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Christmas
      card
     
     
      was
      Started
      in
      England
      in
     
     
      1843.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      It
      had
      this
      dirty
     
     
      limerick
      written
      on
      it:
     
     
      There
      was
      a
      guy
      from
      the
     
     
      North
      Pole.
      He
      filled
     
     
      children’s
      stockings
      with
     
     
      coal.
      The
      kids
      thought
      this
     
     
      was
      not
      right,
      so
      they
     
     
      stayed
      up
      Christmas
      night
     
     
      and
      tore
      this
      guy
      a
      new
     
     
      hole.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Ireland
      it
      is
      be-
     
     
      lieved
      the
      gates
      of
      Heaven
     
     
      open
      at
      midnight
      on
     
     
      Christmas
      Eve.
      Those
      who
     
     
      die
      then
      go
      straight
      to
     
     
      Heaven.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      you
      die
      at
     
     
      11:59,
      you’re
      up
      Shit’s
     
     
      Creek
      with
      a
      turd
      fora
     
     
      paddle.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Oliver
      Cromwell
     
     
      banned
      Christmas
      Carols
     
     
      in
      England
      between
      1649
     
     
      and
      1660.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:He
      didn’t
      like
     
    
   
   
    
     
      anything
      he
      couldn’t
     
     
      breakdance
      to.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Puritans
      in
     
     
      America
      tried
      to
      make
     
     
      Thanksgiving
      Day
      the
     
     
      most
      important
      annual
     
     
      festival
      instead
      of
     
     
      Christmas.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      When
     
     
      Thanksgiving
      didn’t
     
     
      catch
      on,
      the
      Puritans
     
     
      tried
      to
      implicate
      Santa
     
     
      Claus
      in
      a
      sex
      scandal
     
     
      with
      Monica
     
     
      Lewinsky.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      St
      Francis
      of
     
     
      Assisi
      introduced
     
     
      Christmas
      Carols
      to
     
     
      formal
      church
      serv-
     
     
      ices.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Kiss
      my
      ass,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Assisi!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Snow
      on
      Christ-
     
     
      a
      means
      Easter
      will
     
    
   
   
    
     
      een.
     
     
      OPiiioN.
      I
      don’t
      care
     
     
      on
      color
      Easter
      will
     
     
      be,
      |
      can’t
      stand
      listen-
     
     
      ing
      to
      Snow’s
      hit
      song,
     
     
      “Informer.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT::
      The
      first
      printed
     
     
      reference
      to
      Christmas
     
     
      trees
      appeared
      in
     
     
      Germany
      in
      1531.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      was
      used
      to
     
     
      describe
      a
      guy’s
     
     
      naughty
      bits.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1836,
      Ala-
     
     
      bama
      was
      the
      first
     
     
      state
      in
      the
      USA
      to
     
     
      fone
      Christmas
      a
     
    

    
     
      egal
      holiday
     
    

    
     
      NION:
      Sania
      was
     
     
      mks
      the
      first
      state
      to
     
     
      legalize
      marrying
      your
     
     
      sister,
      but
      that
      didn’t
     
     
      catch
      on.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1907,
      Okla-
     
     
      homa
      became
      the
      last
     
     
      USA
      state
      to
      declare
     
     
      Christmas
      a
      legal
     
     
      holida
     
    

    
     
      OPINIGN:
      :They
      had
      a
     
     
      difficult
      time
      deciding
     
     
      which
      was
      more
     
     
      important:
      Christmas
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ¢
     
    
   
   
    
     
      or
      St.
      Patrick’s
      Day.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1937,
      the
      first
     
     
      postage
      stamp
      to
      com-
     
     
      memorate
      Christmas
      was
     
     
      issued
      in
      Austria.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Controversy
     
     
      erupted
      over
      whether
      the
     
     
      stamp
      should
      portray
      Jesus
     
     
      when
      he
      was
      young
      or
     
     
      older.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      1834,
      Queen
     
     
      Victoria’s
      husband,
      Prince
     
     
      Albert
      brought
      the
      first
     
     
      Christmas
      tree
      to
      Windsor
      |
     
     
      Castle
      for
      the
      Royal
      fam-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ily.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      The
      inbred,
      tea-
     
     
      drinkers
      used
      it
      as
      a
      home
     
     
      for
      their
      pet
      monkeys.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Some
      priests
      in
     
     
      Australia
      advise
      you
      to
      say
     
     
      “Happy
      Christmas”,
      not
     
     
      “Merry
      Christmas”,
      be-
     
     
      cause
      Merry
      has
      connota-
     
     
      tions
      of
      getting
      drunk.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Australians
      can
     
     
      find
      connotations
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      getting
      drunk
      in
      almost
     
     
      every
      word.
      If
      you
      told
      an
     
     
      Australian
      to
      go
      f#ck
      a
     
     
      kangaroo,
      he’d
      think
      you
     
     
      were
      offering
      him
      a
      beer.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Scandinavia
      a
     
     
      variety
      of
      Christmas
     
     
      gnomes
      are
      the
      mythical
     
     
      gift
      givers,
      not
      Santa
     
     
      Claus.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      I
      thought
      a
      |
     
     
      bunch
      of
      gnomes
      had
      gifts
     
     
      for
      me,
      I’d
      think
      twice
     
     
      before
      driving
      over
      them
     
     
      with
      a
      lawnmower.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      first
      American
     
     
      Christmas
      carol
      was
     
     
      written
      in
      1649
      by
      a
     
     
      minister
      named
      John
      de
     
     
      Brebeur
      and
      is
      called
     
     
      “Jesus
      is
      Born”.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      The
      second
     
     
      American
      Christmas
      carol
     
     
      was
      “Christmas
      in
      Hollis”
     
     
      by
      Run
      DMC.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Alice
      Cooper
      was
     
     
      born
      on
      December
      25.
     
     
      OPINION:
      People
      seem
      to
     
     
      forget
      that
      Christmas
      is
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ¥
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      time
      to
      celebrate
      the
     
     
      birth
      of
      our
      Lord,
      Alice
     
     
      Cooper.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      biggest
      selling
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Christmas
      single
      of
      all
     
     
      time
      is
      Bing
      Crosby’s
     
     
      “White
      Christmas.”
     
     
      OPINION:
      “Genie
      in
      a
     
     
      Bottle”
      is
      the
      third
     
    
   
   
    
     
      biggest
      Christmas
      single.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Greece,
      some
     
     
      people
      burn
      their
      old
     
     
      shoes
      during
      the
      Christ-
     
     
      mas
      season
      to
      prevent
     
     
      misfortunes
      in
      the
      com-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION
      ION:
      [
      don’t
      think
     
     
      burning
      your
      shoes
      will
     
     
      prevent
      misfortune
     
     
      unless
      you
      take
      them
      off
     
     
      your
      feet
      first.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      the
      Swedish
     
     
      countryside
      there
      is
      a
     
     
      superstition
      that
      trolls
     
     
      roam
      about
      from
      cock
     
     
      crow
      to
      daybreak
      on
     
     
      Christmas
      morning.
     
     
      OPINION:
      A
      lot
      of
      inno-
     
     
      cent,
      ugly
      children
      are
     
     
      shot
      in
      Sweden
      every
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Christmas
      because
      they
     
     
      look
      like
      trolls.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      “He
      who
      has
      no
      |
     
     
      Christmas
      in
      his
      heart
     
     
      will
      never
      find
      Christ-
     
     
      mas
      under
      a
      tree.”
     
     
      OPINION:
      If
      I
      had
      Christ-
     
     
      mas
      in
      my
      heart,
      I’d
      ask
     
     
      my
      doctor
      how
      long
      I
     
     
      had
      to
      live.
      I
      once
      had
     
     
      Groundhog
      Day
      in
      my
     
     
      kidneys,
      but
      I’m
      better
     
     
      now.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      St
      Nicholas
      was
     
     
      eventually
      named
      the
     
     
      patron
      saint
      of
      children,
     
     
      sailors,
      Russia
      and
     
     
      Greece.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Sailors
      eventu-
     
     
      ally
      changed
      their
      patron
     
     
      Saint
      to
      one
      of
      the
      guys
     
     
      from
      the
      Village
      People.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Santa
      Claus
      will
     
     
      not
      arrive
      this
      Christmas
     
    
   
   
    
     
      unless
      the
      children
      go
      to
      °
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sleep
      early.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      He
      doesn’t
      like
     
     
      the
      children
      to
      be
      awake
     
    
   
   
    
     
      while
      he
      reads
      their
      |
     
     
      diaries.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Holly
      is
      the
      most
     
     
      popular
      Christmas
      plant.
     
     
      It
      was
      once
      believed
      that
     
     
      it
      was
      a
      protection
     
     
      against
      witches
      and
      the
     
     
      evil
      eye.
     
     
      :
      Next
      time
      —
      -
     
     
      someone
      gives
      you
      the
     
     
      evil
      eye,
      throw
      a
      holly
      at
     
     
      him.
      Or
      better
      yet,
      kick
     
     
      them
      in
      the
      nuts.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Did
      you
      know
      that
     
     
      every
      acre
      of
      farmed
     
     
      Christmas
      trees
      supplies
     
     
      the
      daily
      oxygen
      needs
     
     
      of
      18
      people?
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Yeah,
      I
      already
      |
     
     
      said
      that
      earlier.
     
    

    
     
      FACT:
      An
      estimated
      27
     
     
      million
      household
      (in
      the
     
     
      U.S.)
      give
      Christmas
     
     
      presents
      to
      their
      dogs
     
     
      and
      6
      million
      give
      _
     
     
      birthday
      present
      to
      their
     
     
      cats.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Americans
     
     
      want
      to
      show
      their
      pets
     
    
   
   
    
     
      how
      much
      they
      appreci-
     
     
      ate
      having
      their
      legs
     
    
   
   
    
     
      humped.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Three
      Wise
     
     
      Men
      brought
      three
      gifts
     
     
      to
      honor
      Christ:
      gold,
     
     
      frankincense
      (a
      resin
     
     
      burned
      in
      the
      worship
      of
     
     
      God)
      and
      myrrh
      (a
      plant
     
     
      oil
      used
      to
      bury
      the
      dead
     
     
      and
      a
      symbol
      of
      mortal-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      The
      Three
      —
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Stooges
      brought
      their
     
     
      unique
      brand
      of
      humor.
     
     
      Jesus
      liked
      Moe
      better
     
     
      than
      myrrh.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Devonshire,
     
     
      England,
      a
      girl
      raps
      at
     
     
      the
      henhouse
      door
      on
     
     
      Christmas
      Eve.
      If
      a
     
     
      rooster
      crows,
      she
      will
     
     
      within
      the
      year.
     
     
      OPINION:
      My
      homeboys
     
     
      rap
      at
      all
      sorts
      of
      hen-
     
     
      houses,
      chickens
      are
     
     
      down
      with
      our
      phat
     
     
      rhymes,
      yo.
      Merry
     
     
      Christmas,
      suckas.
      S
     
     
      Mack
      out
      like
      No
      Doubt.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      oO