News/Onp.
      Ed.
     
     
      UPEI’s
      Identity
      Crisis
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Access
      2000
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      People’s
      Republic
      of
     
     
      Cape
      Breton?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Adeal
      at
      UBC
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Politics
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Student
      Debt:
      The
      Truth
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sports
     
     
      The
      Reality
      of
      Relocation
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Hockey
      finally
      steps
      up
     
     
      En
      Garde!
      Fencing
      at
      UPEI
     
     
      Wrestling
      in
      the
      AUAA
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Panther
      Stats
     
     
      Arts
      &
      Entertainment
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dahmnait
      Doyle
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Bonnie
      and
      Clyde
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      pages
     
     
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      Dear
      Editer:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      was
      sitting
      in
      Cedars
     
     
      having
      a
      lunch
      time
      snack
     
     
      and
      happened
      to
      read
      the
     
     
      Jan,26/00
      issue
      of
     
    

    
     
      The
      Cadre.
      I
      would
      like
      to
     
     
      respond
      to
      the
      DLO
      reply
     
     
      to
      Mia
      Wallace
      who
      was
     
     
      absolutely
      appalled
      by
     
     
      some
      profanity
      she
      read
      in
     
     
      The
      Cadre.
      I
      too
      don’t
     
     
      particularly
      like
      profanity
     
     
      but
      wouldn’t
      write
      in
      and
      tell
     
     
      you
      my
      opinion
     
    

    
     
      about
      your
      use
      of
      it.
      I
      do
     
     
      object
      to
      you
      making
      so
      little
     
     
      ofa
      person’s
     
    

    
     
      opinion.
      You
      must
      never
     
     
      ever
      tell
      a
      person
      what
      they
     
     
      should
      or
      shouldn’t
     
    

    
     
      worry
      about
      or
      what
      is
      or
     
     
      isn’t
      important.
     
    

    
     
      Since
      I
      read
      your
      reply
      I
     
     
      will
      never
      again
      be
      able
      to
     
     
      worry
      about
      what
      to
     
     
      wear,
      or
      if
      I
      really
      like
     
     
      oranges,
      should
      I
      buy
      a
      2
     
     
      or
      4
      door,
      when
      I
      grow
     
     
      up
      will
      I
      be
      a
      petro-
     
     
      chemical
      engineer
      or
      a
     
     
      chemical
      engineer?
      So
      yes
     
     
      the
      four
      letter
      words
      that
     
     
      Mia
      complained
      about
      are
     
     
      only
      “just
      a
      construct”
      but
     
     
      then
      again
      you
      are
      only
      just
     
     
      an
      asshole.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Respectiully,
     
     
      Peter
      Metaxas
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Peter:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      found
      your
      letter
      so
      funny,
     
     
      so
      down
      right
      laughable
      that
     
     
      now
      whenever
      anyone
      in
     
     
      the
      office
      says
      something
     
     
      even
      remotely
      humorous
      to
     
     
      me
      I
      say,
      ‘boy
      you
      really
     
     
      ‘metaxased”
      my
      ass
      on
      that
     
     
      one-Ed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      Dead
      Letter
      Office
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      DLO:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      writer
      wishes,
      by
      means
     
     
      of
      this
      letter,
      to
      create
     
     
      awareness
      and
      concern
      over
     
     
      the
      shocking
      manner
      in
     
     
      which
      the
      lesser
      known
     
     
      members
      of
      the
      ‘Green
     
     
      Gables’
      family
      have
      been
      so
     
     
      long
      neglected
      in
      the
      eyes
      of
     
     
      the
      public.
      One
      striking
     
     
      example
      of
      this
      is,
      of
      course,
     
     
      Anne’s
      cousin
      Stanley.
     
     
      Now,
      Stanley
      kept
      a
      small
     
     
      restaurant
      in
      the
      Cavendish
     
     
      area
      which
      was
      noted
      for
      the
     
     
      spotless,
      the
      pristine,
     
     
      condition
      of
      the
      dining-
     
     
      room.
      Small
      wonder
      that
      he
     
     
      was
      known
      as
      ‘Stan
      of
     
     
      Clean
      Tables’!
      Another
     
     
      almost
      forgotten
      member
      of
     
     
      the
      family
      is
      Anne’s
      maternal
     
     
      grandmother.
      This
      lady
      kept
     
     
      a
      riding
      establishment
      (not
     
     
      far
      from
      Stan’s
      place)
      and,
     
     
      unfortunately,
      was
      not
      noted
     
     
      for
      being
      over
      generous
      with
     
     
      feedstuff
      for
      the
      horses.
      This
     
     
      aspect
      of
      her
      nature
      was
      so
     
     
      obvious
      that
      she
      was
      known
     
     
      far
      and
      wide
      as
      ‘Gran
      of
     
     
      Lean
      Stables’!
      There
      was,
     
     
      of
      course,
      another
      writer
      in
     
     
      the
      family.
      This
      was
     
     
      Frances,
      another
      cousin,
     
     
      who
      specialised
      in
      stories
      for
     
     
      the
      young
      adolescent.
      It
      is
     
     
      difficult
      to
      comprehend
      how
     
     
      the
      publishing
      industry
      has
     
     
      so
      long
      ignored
      ‘Fran
      of
     
     
      Teen
      Fables’!
      One
      could
      go
     
     
      on
      but
      good
      taste
      and
      lack
     
     
      of
      rhyming
      material
      dictate
     
     
      otherwise
      so
      we
      will
      close
     
     
      with
      the
      thought
      that
      we
     
     
      have
      not
      even
      considered
      the
     
     
      foreign
      relations
      such
      as
      the
     
     
      Italian
      connection—”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      of
      Serene
      Naples”!
      We
      trust
     
    
   
   
    
     
      that
      this
      letter
      may
      play
     
     
      some
      small
      part
      in
     
     
      correcting
     
    

    
     
      our
      dreadful
      neglect
      of
      such
     
     
      an
      overwhelmingly
     
     
      important
      part
      of
      our
     
     
      cultural
      heritage
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Yours
      sincerely,
     
     
      Traeloch
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Traeloch:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      How
      dare
      you
      make
      fun
      of
     
     
      a
      cultural
      icon
      like
      Anne.
     
     
      For
      those
      of
      you
      who
      don’t
     
     
      know,
      Anne
      lives
      ina
      smail
     
     
      fishing
      community
      and
     
     
      chases
      down
      bad
      guys
      with
     
     
      Bruno
      Gerussi,
      while
     
     
      simultaneously
      living
      ina
      log
     
     
      who
      has
      two
      adopted
      kids
     
     
      (of
      a
      different
      race)
      named
     
     
      Arnold
      and
      Willis.
      The
     
     
      smalier
      one
      has
      cute
      fat
     
     
      cheeks
      and
      says
      “‘Whatcho
     
     
      talkin’
      bout”
      alot.
      The
      only
     
     
      problem
      is
      that
      Anne
     
     
      cannot
      seem
      to
      figure
      out
     
     
      why
      Tootie
      keeps
      stealing
     
     
      her
      stash.
      So
      you
      know
     
     
      Anne
      has_
      enough
     
     
      problems-Ed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      What
      sort
      of
      a
      newspaper
     
     
      are
      you
      making?
      Almost
     
     
      every
      advertisement
      you
     
     
      put
      in
      is
      shocking
      and
     
     
      offensive.
      The
      one
      that
     
     
      advertises
      smut
      is
      just
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dead
      Letter
      Office
     
    
   
   
    
     
      terrible.
      And
      then
      you
      have
     
     
      joke
      ads
      throughout
      the
     
     
      paper
      making
      fun
      of