Ask
      the
      Doctor...
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      would
      like
      to
      say
      that
      I
      regret
      to
      inform
      the
      students{_
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Rc
      aetna
     
    
   
   
    
     
      em
     
     
      FUGHT
      307
      WAS
      YET
      ©
     
    
   
   
    
     
      of
      U.P.E.I.
      that
      I
      have
      learned
      a
      great
      lesson
      this
     
     
      week:
      do
      not
      try
      to
      stick
      a
      big
      box
      onthe
      wall
      witha
     
     
      couple
      of
      thumbtacks
      and
      staples,
      because
      it
      will
      fall
     
     
      and
      hurt
      your
      big
      toe.
      Due
      tosome
      technical
      difficul-
     
     
      ties
      it
      has
      become
      quite
      impossible
      for
      me
      to
      post
      my
     
     
      nice
      big
      red
      box
      inthe
      Pit.
      I
      hope
      that
      your
      mail
      will
     
     
      continue,
      however,
      (send
      to
      Main
      06)
      and
      that
      they
     
     
      will
      remain
      so
      creative.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Doctor,
     
     
      Iseem
      to
      havea
      thirty
      inch
      tumour
      protruding
      from
     
     
      my
      nasal
      cavity
      and
      I
      was
      wondering
      whether
      or
      not!
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      should
      be
      concerned
      over
      this
      silly
      growth.
      Should
      1?"
     
     
      Signed,
      Silly
      Tumour
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Silly,
     
    

    
     
      Don’t
      be
      foolish,
      a
      tumour
      never
      hurt
      anyone.
      As
     
     
      long
      as
      you
      have
      no
      problem
      breathing
      I
      can’t
      see
     
     
      why
      this
      would
      have
      even
      occurred
      to
      you
      that
      it
      may
     
     
      be
      necessary
      to
      consult
      an
      expert
      in
      the
      filed.
      If
      it
     
     
      cumbersome
      try
      filing
      it
      down
      with
      heavy
      grade
     
     
      sandpaper
      orsome
      battery
      acid.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Doctor,
     
    

    
     
      lam
      sick
      of
      science
      students
      running
      around
      the
     
     
      campus
      telling
      Arts
      and
      Business
      students
      how
      much
     
     
      better
      they
      are
      than
      us.
      I
      really
      hate
      their
      conde-
     
     
      scending
      attitudes
      towards
      our
      ““bird’’
      courses
      and
     
     
      ‘‘useless’’
      degrees.
      Is
      there
      any
      solution
      to
      this
     
     
      problem
      or
      am]!
      doomed
      to
      hear
      poverty
      jokes
      for-
     
     
      ever?
     
    

    
     
      Signed,
      Sick
      of
      Science
      Students
      saying
      that
      1am
     
     
      Stupid
      in
      Studying
      Subjects
      Fit
      for
      Sewer
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      You,
     
    

    
     
      While
      lam
      a
      doctor,
      I
      too
      have
      obtained
      an
      Arts
     
     
      degree
      as
      my
      foundation
      for
      learning.
      See
      where
      am
     
     
      today.
      Well
      maybe
      lam
      nota
      good
      example,
      but
     
    

    
     
      -
      trust
      me
      there
      is
      nothing
      wrong
      with
      taking
      something
     
     
      other
      than
      science.
      I
      would
      just
      like
      to
      say
      that
      |
     
     
      think
      that
      science
      is
      highly
      over-rated
      in
      its
      ability
      to
     
     
      ensure
      employment.
      How
      many
      scientists
      have
      you
     
     
      met
      while
      shopping
      at
      your
      local
      K-Mart?
      None,
     
     
      because
      they
      are
      all
      working
      there
      studying
      the
      effects
     
     
      of
      Red
      Light
      Specials
      on
      the
      shopping
      public.
      Ignore
     
     
      their
      silly,
      infantile
      triflings
      and
      pretend
      that
      Arts
      is
     
     
      that
      easy.
      It
      will
      make
      them
      sorry
      that
      they
      are
     
     
      science
      when
      exam
      time
      comes
      around,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UPEI
      X-P
      RESS
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _—
      ANOTHER
      VICTIM
      OF
      WING
      ICING
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      7.
      Play
      Scrabble
      and
      cheat
      until
      the
      person
      you
      are
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      February
      20,
      1992
     
    
   
   
    
     
          
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
          
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
     
         
     
     
          
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Doctor,
      q
     
     
      I
      am
      broke
      and
      was
      interested
      as
      to
      what
      kind
      of
      fun
      |
     
     
      things
      that
      you
      could
      suggest
      for
      me
      to
      do
      during
      the
     
     
      break
      without
      costing
      ANY
      money.
     
     
      Signed,
      Bored
      and
      Broke
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      B.B.,
     
    

    
     
      I
      can
      sympathesize
      with
      your
      situation
      and
      I
      will
     
     
      provide
      you
      with
      my
      top
      ten
      list
      of
      cheap
      thrills.
      Use
     
     
      it
      wisely!
      |
     
     
      The
      Doctor’s
      Top
      Ten
      List
      of
      Cheap
      Thrills
     
     
      lL
      -Sex
      |
     
     
      2.
      Having
      sleep
      deprivation
      with
      your
      good
      friends.
     
     
      3.
      Call
      your
      good
      friends
      and
      have
      aconversation
      —
     
     
      with
      them,
      but
      whenever
      you
      are
      about
      to
      say
      some-
      —
     
     
      thing
      interesting,
      hang
      up,
      and
      then
      pretend
      thatyou
      |
     
     
      were
      cut
      off.
      j
     
    

    
     
      4.
      Throw
      snowballs
      at
      P.E.I.’s
      only
      public
      transit
      |
     
     
      bus.
      :
     
     
      5.
      Study...learn...read
      comic
      books.
     
     
      6.
      Watch
      T.V.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      playing
      with
      refuses
      to
      continue
      and
      then
      apologize.
      ~
     
     
      If
      they
      resume
      to
      play,
      resume
      cheating
      until
      they
     
     
      take
      a
      nervous
      breakdown.
     
    

    
     
      8.
      Sex
      :
     
     
      9.
      Chase
      your
      shadow.
      of
     
     
      10.
      Beg
      for
      enough
      money
      from
      your
      parents
      to
      got
     
     
      Florida
      (or
      at
      least
      Moncton)
      and
      do
      something
      real
      y)
     
     
      fun.
      ;
     
    
   
   
    
     
      23
      BS
     
     
      Ce
     
     
      ae
     
    
   
   
    
     
      .
      i
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Havea
      good
      breakandIwillseeyouatthebeach
      ~
     
     
      ‘round
      midnight.
      Don’t
      forget
      to
      be
      naked,
      because
      I
      |
     
     
      willbe!
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      Pe
     
     
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