HASZA1tD’S GAZE'l“I‘E, NOVEMBER 24. BACIIILHII lltUSI.\'GS.—I)e:Il' me ! said an old bachelor, how the deuce can I get rid of these women! Sisters Mary and Lucy liave been at me again to-day ; they tell me I must get inor- ried, and li:tnd the nature of “ Smith" down In future generations. 'l'lir;se woinen, let tlit.-in light and squabble as they will and tin airiorttz themselves, seem to wage war with how? Hulls- faction and wonderful uiiaiiitnity Iltzitillfil "8. P00!‘ bachelors. It’s the tirily subject they ever agree 0". upwhy, John, says Mary. yoti tiitist certainly get married before you are another year older. You want some one to look after _\'ou—to sow on your buttons, scold your sert'aiits, and keep your room in order. I was tip in your roorri the other day, when you was out, and, John, was actually ashamed of it. The chairs were scat- tered all around, your slippers were in the inid- dle oftho floor, the grin was standing up in one corner—jtist. think, it might go tiff, and kill some one. Why, Sis, said I, it wasn’t loaded; and besides, was pointed at the ceiling. Idtiri’t care for that, was the reply; guns are dangerous things to lravo around; and there were boots tucked away under the bureau, and there wer ever so many cigar sttitnps on the stove hearth- aiid—and—and, said Lucy, the dog—that is, one of them, was under the bed, and I verily believe he sleeps there always; and your boot-jack was on the mantel-piect-; what a place for a boot-jack! The carpets did ntit look as if they were swept for a week; and I looked behind the bureau, and I don't believe it ever had been swept out there: your best hat was liariging on the bedpost, and we looked in your draviers, too, said sry, and such confusion —Here yoti had as many as three or four pounds of shot tied up in one of your boat silk stockings; your hair grstise was in the same drawer with your cravuts, and there was a dog-collar lying on your collars; and then there was s whole lot of fish-hooks wrapped in a white handkerchief, your razor soap and brushes were each in a dillrent drawer. and your shirts were scattered about prouiiscriously, and such shirts! echoed Lucy. 'I‘ho bosoms, said Mary, were good enough. if the buttons had not all been gone; but that was about all there was to them.- he flaps were all ttirti off! ow, girls, said I, you really must not scold so; those were really very good shirts when they were itcw ; brit when I go shooting, I snrnctiines get out of wndding, and (I would not mention it to any ladies except yoti) I tear off the flaps to so ply the deliciencv. tiu extravagant fellow, said Lticy, to tear up your shirts for gun-watlding. Just let me catch my husband at anything of the ltin !—arid s c shook her head in so determined a manner, that I thought it was very lucky for me that fate ha not made her Mr. John R. Smith’s wifc, -instead of his sister. Your stockings, continuctl Mary, had holes in the toes, and in the heels, said Lu, and then they both commenced talking together, and I could only once in a while distitigtiisli a word or two. Shirts. collars. triotli-trruslres, powder, boot-jacks. Iisli-rods. stockings, seemed to be mixed tip all together. but at the end of their speeches, they both came iii the same conclusion, that John needsa wife-. and that they wouldn't tllve him any peatie, iill liti g0t?t-tie. Now, the question is —niuat get it wife Which is the most endurable. iritcrinittiog Iecturcs of two women, or the ctiiititiual ills- coursc of one ! Both are evils, but which is the least? Let me imagine a Mrs. Smith on the premises at this moinuot. and try to I-.ocy the feelings ofii lienedi.-t. The first evclarriaiiori of the mflddlll. would bi- : John, do take that nasty cigar out of your iiiotiili: I‘ve iolrl yoti again tirrd again that I will not allow smoking in the house, and ytiri pay no more regard to me. than ifl were tt stone; and get that ugly dog otit of the house. Hero I take that, you rascal; and then Turk would have a taste oi the lirootrislirk. I told you, I would be at him it I found hint in this room zigzaiii; he's an ugly, gooil-for-iiotliiiig cur, and yt.-sir.-rday nearly killed tire cat. Well. I declare, if you liavc not got your feet on tho wiri- ow sill, which it took me an Iintir to clcziii this verv nftcrnnoii ; you tloo’t scent tti care one bit how riitit-Ir I slave and itiil for you. \\-’lreo you came home this aftorrioon. you laid your dirty gun I'lglII(ltI\\'llr|llIIlt't'lt'fIt| sofii, and now it don't look fit io-h.- ~I‘t"l. You lt-ft gun, boots, nntl boot- jack in tho iiiiilrlib, of lll't Iloor, for me to pick up, not Ilali ! I c:in’i be-giii to think of rt wife not’ more. Slit.‘ would kill my dogs, hide my. gun. btirii up my boot jack, put my cigars in the water, and raise the devil generally. I ah notlivc two years under such government. I suppose there are such things now in a while as wives that are worth littviog, but they are scarce. I know quite a number of men who have been married since I knew them. and there is not one who has been itnproved by it. Then there was Ed Carrington. Five yr-.:rrs ago, he was one of the best follows that ever lived; cJu|d sing the best song. and tell the best story of any one] was ever acquainted with. IIe knew everybody; rich and poor, and there was no one who did not like him. Well, Ed took it into his head to get married. He got arosy-checked black-haired little wife, one of the meckesi-looking little bodies imagin- - E. I ‘able; and now lid walks aiotit, sobi-r :t ‘-I91’? t'I . \'l'l‘_\' olir-dictit to his wife. trod has iott off his iicquniiiiziiicr-s. IIi.~i with tIiH.'S ilhl ii.-. slit: like! by him, :ll|‘l _\t-t she is iitit live feet trill, and lit: :1 SIX-ltitiirvr, This \\t'iI|t.‘l| we rt.-tirl nlimit are pretty hard tittsi:.s,iiiosl of tlrttiii—l‘roiii I'}vt.- down to Lola .\lotii.:. Wotiico arc .t,-vil-, ili;it’s -I l':rct—rrct-.es— nary t'\‘lls,ISIll|p4l.~‘t!, .iti«l tiii,-_-lily wicked ones; Iwoii'ige-.l iiitirrietl—Nti sir-cc I .\h l softly. tlit~rc’s Rvlary and liu—llre_v’re t-irntigli to toast- tliclifcotitofaxiv lI|.|lI, or any dozen of men. 'l'lit-_v’ve rtducel their liusliniitls to t-tiiiipleiu sob- riiissioi , and li.'ivi- iiotliiiig to do btit plttgtio tiit-.. They come here two or three iiiiir-s at week, to put thingsin order, and then I can never lllltl any thing I w:int. Ifl was lllztrlletl, my wile might keep tlit-in out of my (I|'il\H.'I'S—-Sllti might be use- ful in that \\a_\'-—I oeverthotiglit of that before. our consolatioii that, Il0\\'6\'t‘l’, for the loss tit liberty ! Bali, wliat a Iinrrililo fix I am or. I’ve a great niiird tti eiiiigr.-tte—go Io tlrilitiirriia, Japan —~soinenlrere—- :.oywlici'e when: I have no lum- ariino rt.-l:itioris. What is plague these Mztrlaiti I’cttit2o:it:« are. I can appreciate the truth ol these llties:— —- v “ \Vouiiin’s but I] fleeting show For man’: Vexstion given.” 'I‘li:it's so, by jove ! and it's a great consolation to know that there is one place where they tr Ill never plague us , and that is heaven. The heart feminine is naturally more prtirie to evil than the tnasciiline organs, I lirinly be ieve. 'I‘lie tliifereritiiaiure of the sexes are shown by their different pursuits and tastes. An old batclielor surrounds himself with dogs, and has a passion for horses. A dog is one of the no- blest of animals. There is nothing mean or cririging in his disposition; all open and above board-—-affectioriate and true. No change ol fortune alfects him, and even Iiard usage fails to alienate his love. But an old maid fills the house with, cats and the town with scandal,- rnost detestably hateful articles, both of them. Tliere is nothing noble in a cat. It sneaks about the house with a noiseless tread—-will not scratch if you smooth the fur the right way, and is as much gratified wiili the toticli of a stranger as with tho caress of its lnlslreos ;--will stay vtith you, as long as it is fed well, and afterward, u rlll it can find ti. richer home. No wonder the old maids like them, for no two dispositions are more thoroughly alike than those of acat and a woman. licre’s Miss Jertisha Darnwoll, over the way. keeps seven cat.-‘, and she is a very decent sort of an old iiiaid—tliai is. coiiiporrd with the rest nfllic genus. I wonder, tfslie tlnn’t think Siiiitli is it more euplioiiious iianie than Darnwell She has been very alliectioiiate toward me lately must be on in» guard. In the iiewspriper, this morning, I noticed some very sensible and excellent litres on woman, ex- pressing iiiy own sentiments exactly. “ The frown of wotiiaii—’tis a fearful thing; The wit of woiritin—shieId me from its sting; The faith of woiiitin—fragile as list glass; The face of worii:iii—-iiiercury rind brass; 'I'Iie charms of woiiinri—sorve to lead astray; The eye of wornan—dtizzling but to slay; The head of woiiiaii—ivith strange vagaries filled ' The love of woiiiaii—-tlioustiiids it liiitli killed ’I‘he youth ofworiian—foolisb, sing-snrig dress; 'I‘lie age of \voiriiiri—sco|ding fretfulness; The srnilori of woiiitiii-liarbingers of guile; The tears of tvoiiieti-—cliielI crocodile's; The lieart of woiiicii—IIinty, ruthless, cold; The hand of woiii:iii—liouglit with land and gold; 'I‘Iio heels of wooi.iii—-they who're wise will shun; 'I'lie trails of wo:iiitri——oft tlii:y'vti rriaide iiic run; 'I‘lre tongue of woiniiri-—'tis hung in the rriiddle, The wrath of woiiiati—-iiow I’ll hang up riiy fiddle. " 5 l’shaw! I won‘! get it wife. I'd rather go to Jnpiiii Ctinic, Carlo, 'I'urk, Brutus, we’ll go hunting, and no woman lllilll stop us.— II’averly. 0000 PUTTING riii; 'I‘i:i.r.Gmti-ii ro STIKANGI-I si:s.—A bravo Voltigctir “ of the Impe- rial Guitrd, who had escaped with 11 whole skin ” front the Iicltl.-5 of Alina and Inkcr- iiioiiii, llll.l‘I_y wrote to his fatlicr, it petisnrit in Alsace, to bog liirri to send him a pair of strong slitics and it live-fraiic piece. The peasant pt-octirctl the slioc.-t, and not knotviiigliow to ti-iinsniit tiictii, bctliottglit liitii that lie would liaiig tliciti on the tele- grapli wires, feeling sure that as they could “ waft ti sigh from Indus to the Pole,” they would _easily waft ti pair of shoes to Schustopol. And there he left them, the live-franc piece inside. A imi- son, rettiriiitig liomcwurds, seeing the shoes dangling to the wires, found that they littcd Iiiin, and carried them off, leav- ing his old shoes in their place— \considcr- ing that it fair exchange is no robbery. In the evening, the peasant came forth to see how the wires lind acquitted them- selves, and was astounded at the rapidity of their transmission of shoes and business. “My poor boy has not only received the shoes I sent him, but has already rc- turncd his old ones.” THE PANAMA RAILROAD. i't's C051‘ 01-‘ i.iri:. _ Au Arnericitii iiaiiicd Tomes has recently published it work entitled “ l’tiiiaiiiii. in 1555.” from which we extract the following |lfl_SS_iI,gc, descriptive of the awful waste of lilc iii the poor Chinese, while workiiig on the Paitiointt railway: “ HIII arrived, and landed on the Istliiiiiis sonic eight hundred, after Ii. fair Vnyagc from Hung Kong, where those poori tlcvils of the I*'lower_y Kingdoiii liutl Ullwll-l I-III.;,'ly sold themselves to the service of the railroad, perfectly ignorant of the country. wliitlicr they were going, and of the I.I'IIIlSi which awaited tlierri. The voyage wiisl tolei-t_ib_ly prosperous, and the Chinese bore- its ' liitigrics rind sufferings with great patience, cheered by the prospect of reach-5 tug the foreign land, whither they had been} tempted by the glowing description oftliosc trallickc-rs in human lil'e, who had so liber- ally proiiiiscd tlicin wealth and happiness. Sixteen died oti the passage, and were thrown into the sea. No sooner bud the eight hundred survivors landed, than thirty- two of the number were struck down pros- trate by sickness; and in less than it week iifterwards, eighty more laid by their side. The interpreters who accompanied them uttributcd this rapid prostrtition to the want of their habitual opium. This drug was then distributed ntnong them, and with the good cfiect of so far stiinulating their ener- gies, that two-thirds of the sick arose again from their beds, and began to labour. “ A Maine opium law, however, was soon promulgated, on the score of the im- morality of administering to so pernicious a habit and without regard, it is hoped, to the expense; which, however, was no in- considerable iteni, since the daily quota of catch Chinese. tiriiounted to fifteen grains, nt the cost of at least fifteen cents. Whe- ther it was owing to he deprivation oftheir habitual stimulus, or the innligiiant effects of the climate, or home-sickness, or disttp pointment, in ii few weeks there was hardly one out of the eight hundred Chinese who was not prostrate and unlit to labour. The poor sufferers let the pick and the shovel tall from their hands, and yielded them- selves up to the agony of despair. They now gladly welcomed death, and impatient- ly awaited their turn in the ranks which were falling before the pestilence. The II‘lVOC ofdisease went on, and would have done its work in time; btit as it wits stone- timcs merciful, and spared a life, and was deliberate, though deadly, the despairing Chinese could wait no longer: he hastily seized the hand ofdetith, and involuntarily sought-destruction in its grap. “ Hundreds destroyed themselves, and showed, in their various modes of suicide, the cliaractcristic Chinese ingenuity. Some tlelilicratcly lighted their pipes, and sat tlicriisclves down tipori the shore oftliie ._-‘ea, I"A'riii:it Min‘ .\I0ltGAN, who can quit a pretty girl and take his ttiiiiblcr liken fine old parish lpriet-5|, once steering a group til country rnaidens [laughing heartily, asked tltetii iiiquisiiivly en- ough, what they were laughing at! “Notliing," says Ilosy Peggy Callagliati. “ Wli-.it’s noth- iug, my child?" says his reverence. H Shu your eyes," says l’e,_»gy, “ and you’ll see it sir.” SOME per-sorts have sticli it horror of iii,-_rr-rititotle that, by wary of ulrillslllllg the vi-ry l).i~'..~'Il)lll')’ of its ('.\'Is[t,-ncc, they make ioiiitof iit-vcr pt.‘l'IiJl‘lnIllg the sliglitest not of kindness. 'I‘iitt.eAn rs. Goi.o.—.~\ single pound of flaxcii tlireiid, intended for the finest speci- men of Fri.-iicli lace, is valued at $600, and the length ofthe thread is about :2'.’.li rriiles. One pound of this thread is iiiorc valuable than two pounds of gold. ———a IIoIIowa_t/'3 Ointment and Pills, .2 certain Item- edy for Ulceitiris Sorcs.—-.loreriiiali Harolerson, of St. Andrew's, suffered for seven years and five iriontlis with six olceri-us sores on his legs. and three on his arms, which defied every kind of treatment; althoiigli he used stiine of the must no- ted reniedies for the curt: of the same, boili inter- nal and external, it was williout tivail. At last, he had recourse to I~lo|loway’s Ointment and Pills. which quickly caused the worinds to have an im- proved appearance, and by continuing with these remedies for ten weeks, he was completely cured, and has ever since enjoyed the best of health. 0 The Great American Hair Tonic. Boyle’: celebrated Ilyperioo Fluid, for the growth and preservation of the ltnir is well known to be with- cuts riviil on this contiiient. Ilundreds of imitations have started into an epheincrnl existence since the introduction of this unrivalled Ilair restorative, and their doom been settled, whilst Bogles’s Hyperion Ilair Fluid, with a popularity never attriin by any other article, goes on " conquering and to conquer." There is no rrriilady, which can affect the Hair, but can be cured by this inconipitrnlilc preparation. To ladies it is inv:ilualile;and on children's heads it lays the foundation of a good head of Ilnir. t is now pa- tronized by Iler llliijesty the Queen of Great Britain, n_nd C0lIllIIlIII(IB an extensive stile throughout Europe. Borgia‘: Electric Hair Dye converts red or grey liitir into it beautiful black or brown, the moment it is applied, literally dyeing the hair without staining the skin and leaves the Iltik soft and glossy without injuring its texture in the least; a decided superiority over all other Hair dycs. ogie’s Arnole Shaving compound renders that usually unpleasant operation (shaving) , it decided I xur '. Bozvltfs llehenionn removes Freckles and tan from the lace in the shortest possible time. and is ncknow- ledged to be the very best article for beautifying the complexion. 'l‘o be had, wholesale or retail, of W. Bogle, 227, Washington street, Boston, U. S. And by all Druggists and perfrimers throughout the Canada United States and Great Britain. W. I1- \VA'I'SUl\', Agent ftir I’. E I. .Iurrel9th. I yw o._.._. GILMAN’S HAIR. DYE. The best article ever used, as hundreds can testify in this city rind surrourrdirrg country. Read! GIL- \lAN'S I.IQ.U|l) IIAIR DYE instantaneously and awaited the rising of the tide-—griinly resolved to die-and sat and sat, silent and, uniiiovcd as at st--rirr-liorilcii rock, as wove] rose above wave, until they sunk into the! their coiiiptiriions for dc.'ith—giviiig their tlllr to the friendly hand which, with akindlyl touch of the trigger-, tvoiiltl scritter their’ brain:-1, and liastcii their dooiii. Sonic hung tliciiisclvc.~i to the tall trees by their hair, and some twisted their qiierii.-s about their trucks, rvitli ti dolilicratc coil :tl'tci- coil, tin- til their fatct-.-i liltit.-kcried, tlit-ir Cyl'.I)il.IISl started out, tlicir tongues protruded, and; death rclicvetl thoir ngoriy. Soinc cut ugly, l crutcli-slirtpetl sticks, slitii-peiiatl the ends tol at point, and thrust their necks up »:i tirctii until they were [)IL‘l'C(‘tI tlirorigli and zliroiigli, and thus intiuglctl, yitiltltttl up life iii 11 tor-i rent ofblootl. Some took great stories in- to their hands, iiritl leaped into the depths; ol'tlic nearest river and clung, with reso- ltitc hold, to the weight which stink tlicm, gurgling in the ngonics of tlrowriing, to the‘, bottom, until death looscrietl their grtisp,l and floated thorn to the .<rii~frit-t-., lift-less bo- dies. Sonic sttii'vt-il tlit-iii:-elves to tli:'.tlli-- refusing either to out or drink. Sumo irri- ptiletl themselves tipori their iristruiiicrrtsi oi Ittbour—and thus, in ii few weeks after their - nrrivnl, there were scarcely two hundred Cliiiicsc left of the wlinlc number. This iniscriiblc rernnant ofpoor, licni-t-sick exiles. prostrate from the clfects of the climate, and bent on death, being useless for labour were sent to Jamaica, where they ave cverli since lingered out a miscrabfc beggar’: lilo" depths of eternity. Sonic lint-gtiirretl witht_. l chiingos the hair to a brillizint jet Black or glossy Brown, wliicli is perniaiicnt-—does not stain‘ orin any way injure the it in. No article ever yet inven- tetl which will compare with it. \Vc would advise all who liiive grey linirs to buy it, for it nctzcrfails. rt 05! Z. I). Gll..\IAN, Chemist, Washington city, In- venior and Sole Proprietor. For sale by Druggists. Hair Dressers, and Dealers in I“tiriiry Articles, throughout the United States. Gciierttl Agent for I’. E. Island, W. R. IVATSON. o 1\I‘I.‘.‘iAN’S \\'OlIM SI’E('IFIC. U33 The following. from a ciistomer, shows the (It-nifllltl which this gaeat medicine has created wherever it has been introduced: lintrssnrrrm, 'I‘ioga Co. Pa. March 80, I850. (;-nIII‘IIl(‘7l —— In t'l):iS:’qllelIC() of (/10 great con- stunplion. ol your "\Voi-in Spcr-Zfic“ in this place and vicinity’ we have entirely exhausted our stock. We should feel obliged by your foruzirdiiig via coming, N. Y. 20 dozen, with your bill, on the reception of which we will remit you themoriey.” From the wonderful effects ol said “ l‘p9C|fi0a in this neighborhood, there could be sold annually a larva quarititv, if to be had (wb0li“salP and le- tail) from some local agent. I‘ you would com- per.s:tt(r a person for trouble and cxpence of vend- ing. I think I could make it to your advantage to do so. Yours rcspéctfullv, WM. M. Nlallory, nitssits. .l. Kioo Co. Per V . Is. r-oilt‘-rfsit P I ers will case be carefull to as or Diiifilffcllgitiiil: Ccleliraifirl Vcrmifuge, and _takn none else. All other Vermifuges,_irr comparison, are worthless. Dr. McLane's geuine Vermifuga, also his celebrated Liver Pills, can now be had at all respectable Drug Stores in the United States V and Canada. v