Fact
      and
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Stephan
      MacLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Melissa
      Silverman,
      daughter
      of
     
     
      NBC
      Fred
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Silverman,
      loved
      the
      Smurfs
      so
      much
     
    
   
   
    
     
      television
      executive
     
     
      she
      inspired
      her
      father
      to
      create
      the
     
     
      Smurfs
      animated
      series
      which
      ran
      for
     
     
      almost
      a
      decade.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      I
      love
      fruit
      salad.
      Why
     
     
      doesn’t
      someone
      make
      an
      animated
     
    
   
   
    
     
      series
      out
      of
      that?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Smurf
      figurines
      stamped
      with
      a
     
     
      special
      “M”
      stick-figure
      on
      the
      bottom
     
     
      are
      produced
      by
      a
      company
      called
     
     
      “Schleich.”
      Schleich
      stopped
      marking
     
     
      their
      figurines
      with
      the
      special
      “M”
     
     
      around
      1972.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      “M”
     
     
      “Motherfuck!
      These
      things
      scream
     
    
   
   
    
     
      stands
      _
      for
     
     
      when
      you
      burn
      the
      letter
      ‘M’
      into
      their
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      feet!”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      word
      “Smurf”
      is
      used
     
     
      extensively
      by
      the
      Smurfs,
      as
      a
      noun,
     
     
      verb,
      and
      everything
      in-between.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Using
      the
      word
      “Smurf”
      in
     
     
      different
      contexts
      can
      lead
      to
      confu-
     
     
      sion.
      For
      example,
      saying
      “Smurf
      my
     
     
      ass”
      will
      either
      get
      you
      arrested
      or
      get
     
     
      you
      a
      discount
      on
      a
      lawnchair
      at
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Zellers.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Smurf
      figurines
      debuted
      in
     
     
      1965,
      although
      they
      were
      not
      avail-
     
     
      able
      in
      North
      America
      until
      1980.
     
     
      OPINION:
      North
      American
      immigra-
     
     
      tion
      policies
      prevented
      the
      arrival
      of
     
     
      millions
      of
      little
      blue
      people
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Smurfs
      too.
      Stop
      racism.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Smurf
      figurines
      are
      made
      of
     
     
      [16]
     
    
   
   
    
     
      PVC,
      stand
      2
      inches
      tall,
      and
      have
     
     
      eight
      fingers
      and
      eight
      toes.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      These
      figurines
      are
      obvi-
     
     
      ously
      anatomically
      incorrect.
      Smurfs
     
     
      are
      three
      apples
      tall,
      not
      2
      inches.
      And,
     
     
      unlike
      the
      figurines,
      they
      do
      have
     
    
   
   
    
     
      cocks.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      There
      are
      six
      Easter
      Smurf
      fig-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      _
      urines.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      My
      favorite
      is
      Jesus
      Smurf
     
    
   
   
    
     
      with
      his
      mushroom
      crucifix.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      In
      Chinese,
      “Smurf”
      translates
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ‘to
      “Lan
      Jing
      Ling.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      Try
      ordering
      that
      in
      a
     
     
      Chinese
      food
      restaurant.
      They
      taste
     
    
   
   
    
     
      squishy.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Smurfs
      were
      created
      in
     
     
      Brussels,
      Belgium
      by
      Pierrot
      Culliford
     
     
      (Peyo)
      in
      1958.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      He
      was
      under
      the
      heavy
     
     
      influence
      of
      drugs
      and
      leprechaun
     
    
   
   
    
     
      magic.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Smurfs
      debuted
      in
      news-
     
     
      paper
      comic
      entitled
      “Johan
      et
     
     
      Pirouit.”
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      “Johan
      et
      Pirouit”
      was
      the
     
     
      first
      comic
      to
      feature
      little
      blue
      crea-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      tures,
      and
      full
      frontal
      nudity.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Each
      Smurf
      Christmas
      tree
     
     
      ornament
      figurine
      comes
      with
      a
      fine
     
     
      gold
      cord.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      _
      Strangle
     
     
      Christian
      Smurfs
      with
      this
      gold
      cord
     
    
   
   
    
     
      your
      little
     
    
   
   
    
     
      in
      order
      to
      sacrifice
      them
      to
      our
      Lord
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      Saviour,
      Gargamel.