March
      25,
      1997
     
    
   
   
    
     
      @°
      The
      Panther
      Prints
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Finally,
      the
      subject
      of
      a
     
     
      bill
      being
      passed
      in
      the
      U.S.
     
     
      concerning
      the
      availability
      re-
     
     
      striction
      of
      cyberporn
      on
      the
     
     
      information
      highway
      has,
     
     
      thankfully
      comeup,
      thus
      hope-
     
     
      fully
      eventually
      rendering
      it
     
     
      virtually
      impossible
      for
      the
      in-
     
     
      “nocent
      youth
      of
      North
     
     
      America
      to
      gain
      any
      access
      to
     
     
      this
      preposterous
      playboy
      play-
     
     
      ground.
      Do
      they
      have
      a
      tiddly-
     
     
      winks
      web
      page?
      That
      would
     
     
      kick
      extreme
      proportions
      of
     
     
      ass.
      They’d
      have
      like
      stats
      on
     
     
      the
      best
      tiddly-winks
      matches
     
     
      of
      all
      time;
      and'like
      tips
      on
      how
     
     
      to
      do
      tiddly-winks,
      and
      stuff,
     
     
      and
      like
      tiddly-winks
      hall
      of
     
     
      famers.
      That
      would
      be
      like
      so
     
     
      cool.
      Well,
      actually,
      I
      just
      like
     
     
      saying
      tiddly-winks.
      Ha!
      Look
     
     
      at
      that
      word.
      Man
      that’s
      awe-
     
     
      some.
     
    

    
     
      You
      know
      what
      sucks
     
     
      ass
      though,
      is
      that
      like
      Tim
     
     
      Horton’s
      commercial
      with
      the
     
     
      like,
      life
      story
      of
      some
      old
      lady.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      amted
      vhs
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cyberporn
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Oh,
      sorry.
      For
      some
      reason
     
     
      I’m
      just
      not
      always
      intrigued
     
     
      by
      the
      frequency
      that
      some
     
     
      senior
      citizen
      drinks
      her
      cof-
     
     
      fee.
      I
      eat
      some
      toast
      every
     
     
      morning,
      why
      doesn’t
      some
     
     
      idiot
      like
      make
      some
      useless
     
     
      commercial
      out
      of
      that?
      What
     
     
      would
      kick
      though,
      is
      if
      they
     
     
      had
      like
      a
      Tim
      Horton’s
      com-
     
     
      mercial
      with
      like
      some
     
     
      hungover
      guy
      who
      had
      to
      like
     
     
      come
      in
      every
      morning
      to
      like
     
     
      get
      his
      coffee.
      Then
      he’d
      like
     
     
      stumble
      over
      to
      the
      counter
      on
     
     
      the
      commercial,
      and
      like
      spill
      it
     
     
      all
      over
      the
      place,
      and
      then
      the
     
     
      waitresses
      would
      just
      like
     
     
      shake
      their
      heads,
      and
      smile
     
     
      their
      usual
      pitying
      smile.
      Then
     
     
      he’d
      like
      run
      to
      the
      bathroom
     
     
      and
      like
      barf,
      and
      stuff.
      Oh,
     
     
      yeah.
      Those
      coffees
      would
      be
     
     
      selling
      like
      hot
      cakes
      with
      that
     
     
      advertisement.
      :
     
    

    
     
      But
      ifyou
      ever
      like
      want
     
     
      the
      person
      you’re
      going
      out
     
     
      with
      to
      like,
      Sees
     
    
   
   
    
     
      availability
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ....odd
      MacLean
     
    
   
   
    
     
      just
      like
      go
      to
      Tim
      Horton’s
     
     
      and
      then
      like
      get
      like
      one
      of
     
     
      those
      big
      bowtie
      doughnuts.
     
     
      Then
      just
      eat
      it.
      Without
      nap-
     
     
      kins,
      of
      course.
      And
      then
      after
     
     
      you’re
      done,
      you
      then
      bask
      in
     
     
      the
      warm
      glow
      of
      singleness,
     
     
      after
      they’ve
      like
      already
      left
     
     
      you
      in
      pure
      disgust
      when
      you
     
     
      weren't
      even
      like
      half
      finished
     
     
      of
      the
      wonderful
      mountainous
     
     
      whipped
      cream
      and
      chocolate
     
     
      mask
      of
      delight.
      Either
      that
      or
     
     
      like
      go
      to
      Subway,
      and
      just
      like
     
     
      get
      a
      footlong
      meatball
      with
     
     
      like
      everything
      on
      it.
      Even
      oil.
     
     
      This
      usually
      revolts
      the
      person
     
     
      you’re
      with
      quite
      easily,
      and
     
     
      effectively.
      Yes,
      I
      believe,
     
     
      actually,
      that
      it’s
      a
      proven
      fact
     
     
      that
      dates
      to
      any
      Subway
      es-
     
     
      tablishment
      have
      like
      a
      40%
     
     
      chance
      of
      breakup
      rate.
      It’s
     
     
      true.
      Very
      true
      indeed.
      Oh
     
     
      well.
      What
      can
      ye
      do.
      At
      least
     
     
      weall
      still
      have
      tiddly-winks
      to
     
     
      us
      happy.
      Tiddly-winks,
     
     
      ly-winks,
      tiddly-winks.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      MISSING
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Many
      of
      Canada’s
      migratory
      birds
     
     
      are
      disappearing.
      To
      help
      save
     
     
      them,
      call
      1-800-26-PANDA
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      ask
      about
      adopting
      a
      kilo;
     
     
      fuipacd
      wel
      tee
      Call
      Tim
      at
      iia
      or
     
     
      TWARTMAN@ISN.NET
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Service
     
     
      "Able
      to
      create
      or
      improve
      any
     
     
      resume"
     
    
   
   
    
     
      $30
      service
      includes:
     
     
      *45
      min.
      consultation
      with
     
     
      resume
      specialist
     
     
      *3
      copies
      of
      new
      resume
      on
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      Professional
      Resume
     
    
   
   
    
     
      *1
      disk
      containing
      a
     
     
      WordPerfect
      6.0
      version
      of
     
     
      resume
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Students
      apply
      now
      and
     
     
      beat
      the
      summer
      rush
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Paper
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      4
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      es
      the
      road
      to
     
     
      the
      Final
      Four
     
     
      By
      FINLEY
      MARTIN
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
     
    

    
     
      The
      Five
      Year
      Plan
      was
      busy
      with
      two
      playoff
      games
     
     
      last
      week.
      The
      first
      game
      was
      versus
      the
      Corduroy
      Warriors.
     
     
      Geoff
      Smith
      lit
      up
      from
      downtown
      in
      the
      first
      half
      giving
      the
     
     
      team
      a
      significant
      lead.
      That
      lead
      was
      chipped
      away
      in
      the
     
     
      second
      half
      due
      to
      the'efforts
      of
      Kylie
      Gavard
      and
      Josh
      Weele
     
     
      but
      the
      FYP
      wave
      was
      too
      much
      for
      the
      Warriors.
     
    

    
     
      The
      second
      gam
      are
      took
      place
      last
      Tuesday
      night
      against
     
     
      Alumni.
      The
      game,)
      suitably
      titled
      “Clash
      of
      the
      Titans”,
     
     
      featured
      the
      amazing
      ‘battle
      between
      Rick
      Millard
      and
      Duncan
     
     
      Shaw.
      Millard
      kept
      $haw
      in
      check
      while
      the
      FYP
      used
      their
     
     
      speed
      and
      agility
      to
      overcome
      Alumni
      in
      a
      clear
      victory.
     
    

    
     
      The
      Five
      Year
      Plan
      is
      getting
      into
      spring
      by
      letting
      you
      in
     
     
      on
      some
      very
      usefull
      spring
      cleaning
      tips.
      All
      of
      these
      tips
      have
     
     
      been
      personally
      tested
      by
      a
      team
      member
      at
      the
      FYP
      Cultural
     
     
      Centre
      and
      have
      had
      glowing
      results.
      Here
      are
      just
      some
      of
     
     
      their
      favorites.
     
    

    
     
      1)
      Open
      all
      the
      'windows.
      It
      won’t
      actually
      do
      anything
     
     
      but
      it
      impresses
      the
      hell
      out
      of
      everyone
      who
      might
      happen
      to
     
     
      drop
      in.
      More
      effective
      if
      you
      use
      the
      line
      “Oh!
      The
      Windows!
      _
     
     
      I
      was
      just
      airing
      out
      the
      place
      before
      I
      start
      spring
      cleaning!”
     
    

    
     
      2)
      The
      green
      fuzzy
      stuff
      at
      the
      back
      of
      the
      fridge
      should
     
     
      stay
      there
      until
      it
      sickens
      someone
      else
      enough
      to
      remove
      it.
     
    

    
     
      3)
      Don’t
      volunteer
      to
      do
      the
      dishes
      because
      that
      would
     
     
      just
      be
      stupid.
     
    

    
     
      4)
      Take
      the
      beer
      bottles
      to
      the
      bottle
      bsichiage:
      On
      the
     
     
      way
      home
      get
      more
      beer.
     
    

    
     
      5)
      Pile
      as
      much
      junk
      into
      the
      closet
      in
      your
      room._as
     
     
      humanly
      possible.
      Throw
      a
      couple
      of
      air
      fresheners
      in
      there
      and
     
     
      let
      it
      sit
      there
      for
      a
      couple
      of
      months.
     
    

    
     
      6)
      Do
      not,
      under
      any
      cicumstances,
      clean
      under
      the
      seat
     
     
      cushions
      of
      the
      couch.
      What
      you
      don’t
      know
      is
      there
      can’t
      hurt
     
     
      you.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      If
      you
      have
      any
      more
      usefull
      spring
      cleaning
      tips
      email
     
     
      them
      to
      the
      Five
      Year
      Plan
      at
      fanmail@peionline.com
      They
     
     
      guarantee
      to
      respond
      to
      each
      and
      every
      letter
      (Just
      like
      Santa
     
     
      Claus).
      You
      can
      also
      check
      out
      their
      website
      at
     
     
      http:\\www.peionline.com\fyp.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      NS
      TTTAl?
      CPAS
      TAP
      TAA
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ¢
      WAY
      COOL
      TATIOOS
      §
     
    
   
   
    
     
      jonal
      Pie
     
     
      ne
      Body
      Piercing
     
    
   
   
    
     
      198
      Kent
      Street
     
     
      Charlottetown,
      P.E.I.
     
     
      Cl
      1
     
    
   
   
    
     
      NM
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Far:
      (902)892-8283
     
     
      Open
      Monday
      €o
      Saturday
      Noo
      ‘til
      9pm
     
    
   
   
    
     
      *10%
      disceaut
      with
      dalid
      UPEI
      Student
      1D*