Bush
      Should
      Be
      Toast
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Well,
      colour
      me
      surprised.
      I
      thought
      this
      election
      would
      be
      game
     
     
      over
      for
      George
      W.
      Bush
      faster
      than
      you
      can
      say
      "weapons
      of
      mass
     
     
      destruction".
      Yet
      the
      majority
      of
      Americans
      seem
      to
      be
      pulling
      for
      him.
     
    

    
     
      After
      last
      week's
      debate
      in
      Florida,
      the
      wishy-washy
      John
      Kerry
     
     
      seems
      to
      have
      gained
      some
      popularity
      in
      the
      polls.
      Perhaps
      the
      shift
      was
     
     
      caused
      by
      Bush
      Jr.'s
      impromptu
      implication
      that
      Saddam
      Hussein
      was
      the
     
     
      party
      who
      led
      the
      September
      11
      attacks
      on
      the
      United
      States.
     
    

    
     
      Kerry
      quickly
      corrected
      the
      president
      by
      saying
      it
      was
      in
      fact
     
     
      Osama
      Bin
      Laden
      who
      was
      responsible
      for
      the
      fateful
      attacks
      two
      years
     
     
      ago,
      not
      the
      Iraqis.
     
    

    
     
      And
      what
      was
      Bushy's
      eloquent
      defense?
     
    

    
     
      "I
      knew
      that,"
      he
      retorted,
      with
      the
      conviction
      of
      a
      hill-billy
      boy
     
     
      who
      was
      told
      he
      just
      spent
      "seven
      minutes
      in
      heaven"
      with
      his
      sister.
     
    

    
     
      Who
      wants
      a
      leader
      who
      has
      to
      post
      his
      nation's
      arch
      enemies
      on
     
     
      a
      sticky-note
      and
      attempts
      to
      humiliate
      other
      countries
      who
      disagree
      with
     
     
      his
      decisions?
     
    

    
     
      Remember
      the
      whole
      "freedom
      fries"
      fad
      when
      the
      French
      would
     
     
      not
      go
      to
      war
      with
      the
      United
      States?
      Bush
      may
      not
      have
      come
      up
      with
     
     
      the
      idea
      of
      changing
      the
      name
      of
      the
      fast
      food
      product
      to
      spite
      the
      French,
     
     
      but
      he
      definitely
      endorsed
      it.
     
    

    
     
      Do
      you
      think
      France
      was
      in
      any
      way
      affected
      by
      this
      change
      in
     
     
      nomenclature?
      Does
      Bush
      think
      they
      give
      two
      crepes
      what
      the
      Americans
     
     
      call
      their
      hamburger
      side
      dishes?
     
    

    
     
      I
      think
      Bush
      did
      them
      a
      favour,
      actually.
      What
      group
      of
      country
     
     
      men
      want
      to
      be
      associated
      with
      greasy,
      skinny
      objects
      in
      possession
      of
     
     
      small
      pricks?
     
    

    
     
      It's
      a
      shame
      they
      couldn't
      come
      up
      with
      a
      more
      creative
      name
      than
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
    
   
   
    
     
          
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "freedom
      toast"
      as
      well.
      If
      I
      were
      to
      name
      something
      that
      was
      dry
      and
      bor-
     
     
      ing
      to
      begin
      with,
      got
      egg
      on
      its
      face
      and
      tried
      to
      smell
      sweet
      in
      the
      end,
     
     
      I
      would
      just
      call
      it
      "Dub-ya."
      _
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Aggoult
      w
      /th
      a
      deadly
      Weapon
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By:
      Dan
      McNeill
     
     
      Contributor
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      mass
      amounts
      of
      forms
      from
      their
     
     
      relatives
      and
      their
      relative's
      friends
     
     
      and
      their
      friends'
      relatives
      and
      their
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ‘such
      as
      The
      Wave,
     
     
      e
      and
      Brennan's,
     
     
      an
      showcase
      their
     
    
   
   
    
     
      They're
      at
      it
      again,
      and
      this
      time
      ,
      they
      want
     
     
      to
      take
      you
      down
      with'em!
      The
      UPEI
     
     
      Improv.
      group
      (whose
      "official"
      name
     
     
      seems
      to
      shapeshift
      every
      now
      and
      then)
      is
     
     
      ready
      to
      kick
      into
      action
      for
      another
      year
      of
     
     
      wacky,
      zany
      fun.
      Led
      by
      the
      boys
      of
      4
      Skit's
     
     
      Sake
      (aka
      Colin
      MacDonald,
      Adam
     
     
      Gauthier,
      Derek
      Bondt,
      and
      Colin
      Fraser
      in
     
     
      the
      form
      of
      Gary
      Vincent)
      you'll
      be
      in
      good
     
     
      hands
      when
      you
      decide
      to
      drop
      all
      your
      dig-
     
     
      nity
      and
      surrender
      to
      the
      games.
      Hilarity
     
     
      will
      ensue.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Starting
      Oct.
      19,
      the
      improv
      will
      take
      place
     
     
      every
      second
      Tuesday
      night,
      which
      means
     
     
      it'll
      also
      happen
      Nov.
      2,
      Nov.
      16,
      Nov,
      30,
     
     
      etc.
      To
      find
      the
      improv,
      follow
      the
      trail
      of
     
     
      cooked
      spaghetti
      noodles
      until
      you
      come
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ,
      to
      an
      enthusiastic
     
     
      a
      deep,
      dark
      cave.
      Don't
      go
      in
      the
      cave,
      but
     
    
   
   
    
     
      climb
      around
      it.
      Now,
      after
      taking
      100
     
     
      paces
      backwards,
      start
      hopping
      around
      and,
      isinid's
      toleel-eere
     
     
      clucking
      like
      a
      chicken,
      thus
      ending
      youryated
      than
      at
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      initiation.
      You
      may
      now
      enter
      it....
      no.
     
     
      Classroom
      Centre
      and
      go
      into
      room
      101A
     
     
      The
      seance
      ...
      I
      mean
      improv
      ...
      Y€or
      choosing
      the
      nomi-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ...."improv"....
      begins
      at
      8pm.
      As
      this
      is
      pa.
      759%
      of
      the
      awards
      is
     
     
      of
      the
      Theatre
      Society,
      there
      is
      also
      a
      $rq
      junior
      high
      student
     
     
      membership
      fee,
      but
      that
      covers
      your
      Afion,
      whereby
      anyone
     
     
      for
      the
      whole
      year
      so
      you
      can
      participate
      |g
      can
      submit
      a
      voting
     
     
      everything
      else
      without
      charge.
      eless,
      this
      all
      sounds
     
    

    
     
      ple
      can
      make
      the
      right
     
     
      There
      will
      also
      be
      snacks
      (we
      think)
      so
      1
      js
      an
      unbiased
      system,
     
     
      matter
      how
      silly....1
      mean
      ‘funny’....yOUey
      works
      dammit!
      I'm
     
     
      act,
      you
      can
      always
      compensate
      with
      y
      impartial
      people
      go
     
     
      cookie.
      |
      did
      it
      all
      for
      the
      cookie,
      y'all.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      page
      6UPEI
      Cadre
     
     
      UPEI
      Cadre
      October
      12,
      2004
      pi
     
    
   
   
    
     
      friends’
      friends'
      relatives
      in
      hopes
     
     
      of
      taking
      home
      their
      share
      of
     
     
      Spuddies.
      I
      think
      next
      year
      I'm
     
     
      going
      to
      record
      myself
      banging
      on
     
     
      a
      trash
      can
      for
      30
      minutes,
      and
      then
     
     
      get
      200
      people
      to
      vote
      for
      me
      for
     
     
      every
      award.
      I
      probably
      won't
      win
     
     
      but
      at
      least
      they'll
      read
      "Andy
     
     
      bangs
      can"
      over
      and
      over
      at
      the
     
     
      awards
      ceremony.
      Then
      again,
      if
     
     
      my
      pals
      pay
      $10
      to
      join
      the
      PEIMA
     
     
      Association
      and
      vote
      for
      me,
      I
     
     
      COULD
      win.
      That
      way
      I
      can
      put
      .
     
     
      PEIMA
      award
      winner
      on
      all
      my
     
     
      albums
      to
      come.
      Democracy
      has
     
     
      never
      sounded
      so
      sweet.