Express
     
    
   
   
    
     
      966-1911
     
    
   
   
    
     
      University
      Plaza
     
    
   
   
    
     
      SPECIAL
     
     
      15”
      pizza
      with
     
     
      three
      toppings
     
    

    
     
      $9.99
      +
      tax
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      now
      offer
      Lasagna
     
     
      for
      take
      out
      and
      delivery
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eeeeeereeeeeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      12”
      works
      and
      9”
      cheese
      fingers
      :
     
    

    
     
      $11.99
      +
      tax
      ;
     
    

    
     
      Please
      present
      coupon
      to
      driver.
      .
     
     
      Only
      one
      coupon
      per
      customer.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "42"
      three
      topping
      and
     
     
      12”
      garlic
      fingers
     
     
      $12.99
      +
      tax
     
     
      Please
      present
      coupon
      to
      driver.
     
     
      Only
      one
      coupon
      per
      customer.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eevreeeeeeeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Free
      delivery
      to
      UPEI
      and
      Brown’s
      Court
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fact
      &
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      dirty
      jokes,
      and
      have
     
     
      conversations
      with
     
     
      yourself
      in
      the
      middle
     
     
      ofthecolumn.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Eat
      a
      bow!
     
     
      of
      dicks.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      state
      of
     
     
      California
      raises
      the
     
     
      most
      turkeys
      out
      of
     
     
      all
      of
      the
      states.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Most
      of
      the
     
     
      turkeys
      are
      shipped
     
     
      in
      from
      Philadelphia
     
     
      and
      raised
      in
      Bel
      Air
     
     
      by
      their
      wealthy
     
     
      uncles.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      most
     
     
      sensitive
      finger
      on
      the
     
     
      human
      hand
      is
      the
     
     
      index
      finger.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
      least
     
     
      sensitive
      finger
      is
      the
     
     
      pinky.
      You
      have
      to
     
     
      be
      tough
      witha
     
     
      nickname
      like
      that.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      George
     
     
      Washington
      Carver
     
     
      invented
      peanut
     
     
      butter.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      He
     
     
      invented
      several
      other
     
     
      types
      of
      butter
      that
     
     
      didn’t
      catch
      on.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      typical
      hen
     
     
      lays
      19
      dozeneggsa
     
    
   
   
    
     
      year.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Organized
     
     
      Rhyme
      lay
      more
     
     
      chicks
      than
      Mother
     
     
      Goose.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Stainless
      steel
     
    
   
   
    
     
      continued
     
    
   
   
    
     
      was
      invented
      by
     
     
      Harry
      Brearley
      in
     
     
      1913.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Harry
     
     
      Brearley
     
     
      revolutionized
      kitchen
     
     
      utensils
      much
      like
      the
     
     
      Fresh
      Prince
     
     
      revolutionized
     
     
      homeboys
      moving
      to
     
     
      Bel
      Air.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      scallop
      has
     
     
      35
      blue
      eyes.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I
      only
      have
     
     
      three.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      left
      leg
      ofa
     
     
      chicken
      is
      more
     
    

    
     
      tender
      than
      the
      right
     
     
      one.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      So
      be
      extra
     
     
      gentle
      when
      you
      try
     
    
   
   
    
     
      to
      put
      pants
      on
      your
     
     
      chicken.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      only
      dog
     
     
      that
      doesn’t
      have
      a
     
     
      pink
      tongue
      is
      the
     
     
      chow.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      |
      don’t
     
     
      care
      what
      color
      my
     
     
      dog’s
      tongue
      is,
      as
     
     
      long
      asit
      is
      not
      inmy
     
     
      mouth.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      giraffe
      has
     
     
      the
      highest
      blood
     
     
      pressure
      of
      any
     
     
      animal.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      If
      you
     
     
      couldn’t
      have
      oral
     
     
      sex
      unless
      you
     
     
      climbed
      a
      tree,
      you’d
     
     
      have
      high
      blood
     
     
      pressure
      too.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      dumbest
     
     
      domesticated
      animal
     
     
      is
      the
      turkey.
     
     
      OPINION:
      |
      once
      saw
     
     
      aturkey
      use
      all
      three
     
     
      ofits
      life
      lines
      fora
     
     
      $1000
      question
      on
     
     
      “Who
      Wants
      To
      Be
     
     
      aMillionaire.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Russia
      has
      the
     
     
      most
      movie
      theaters
     
     
      in
      the
      world.
     
     
      OPINION:
      All
      of
      them
     
     
      show
      Rocky
      IV
      24
     
     
      hours
      a
      day.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Albert
      Blake
     
     
      Dick
      invented
      the
     
     
      mimeograph
      machine.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It
      measures
     
     
      how
      annoying
      mimes
     
     
      are.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      most
      fatal
     
    
   
   
    
     
      car
      accidents
      occur
     
     
      on
      Saturday.
     
     
      OPINION:
      The
     
     
      funniest
      ones
      occur
     
     
      Sunday
      night.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      An
      Oscar
     
     
      weighs
      seven
      pounds.
     
     
      OPINION:
      It’s
      great
     
     
      that
      every
      year
     
     
      Hollywood’s
      best
     
     
      and
      brightest
      get
     
     
      together
      and
      honor
     
     
      mediocre
      films
      by
     
     
      giving
      them
      aseven
     
     
      pound
      naked
      man.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      It
      takes
      the
     
     
      typical
      person
      seven
     
     
      minutes
      to
      fall
      asleep.
     
     
      OPINION:
      A
      typical
     
     
      Cadre
      reader
      falls
     
     
      asleep
      before
      getting
     
     
      to
      this
      part
      of
      the
     
     
      paper.