FACT:
      Gorillas
      are
      the
      largest
      living
     
     
      primates
      —
      the
      family
      of
      animals
     
     
      that
      includes
      monkeys,
      apes
      and
     
     
      humans.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      In
      the
      primate
      family,
     
     
      humans
      might
      wear
      the
      pants,
      but
     
     
      gorillas
      look
      cuter
      in
      them.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      A
      mature
      male
      gorilla
      can
      be
     
     
      over
      six
      feet
      tall
      and
      weigh
      300
      to
     
     
      500
      pounds.
      He
      can
      spread
      his
      arms
     
     
      eight
      feet
      across
      and
      is
      as
      strong
      as
     
     
      four
      to
      eight
      strong
      men.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Strong
      men
      might
      look
     
     
      funny,
      but
      all
      that
      work
      and
      dedica-
     
     
      tion
      is
      worth
      it
      in
      the
      end
      when
      you
     
     
      can
      flex
      your
      neck
      muscles.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Like
      humans,
      gorillas
      have
     
     
      two
      legs
      and
      two
      arms,
      10
      fingers
     
     
      and
      10
      toes,
      small
      ears
      on
      the
      side
      of
     
     
      the
      head,
      forward-looking
      eyes
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Stephan
      MacLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      32
      teeth.
      Unlike
      us,
      their
      arms
      are
     
     
      longer
      and
      more
      muscular
      than
      their
     
     
      legs,
      and
      their
      big
      toes
      look
      like
     
     
      thumbs.
      Their
      bodies
      are
      covered
      by
     
     
      thick
      dark
      hair,
      except
      on
      the
      face,
     
     
      chest,
      underarms,
      palms
      of
      the
      hands
     
     
      and
      soles
      of
      the
      feet.
      OPINION:
      I
     
     
      wish
      my
      big
      toes
      looked
      like
      thumbs.
     
     
      Then
      I’d
      never
      have
      to
      open
      cans
      of
     
     
      pop
      with
      my
      hands
      ever
      again.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      An
      adult
      male
      gorilla
     
     
      becomes
      a
      “silverback”
      at
      about
      age
     
     
      15
      when
      he
      is
      full
      grown
      and
      the
      hair
     
     
      on
      his
      back
      turns
      silvery-gray.
     
     
      OPINION:
      When
      I
      turned
      15,
      the
     
     
      kids
      at
      school
      called
      me
      “silverback”
     
     
      because
      I
      had
      a
      metal
      rod
      installed
     
     
      where
      my
      spine
      used
      to
      be.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      normally
      walk
      by
     
     
      putting
      their
      feet
      flat
      and
      walking
      on
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      knuckles
      of
      their
      hands.
     
     
      OPINION:
      This
      saves
      them
      money
     
     
      on
      shoes.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      They
      can
      stand
      upright,
      but
     
     
      they
      don’t
      do
      it
      very
      often.
      When
     
     
      they
      do,
      it
      is
      often
      to
      “chestslap.”
     
     
      Gorillas
      do
      not
      beat
      their
      chests
      with
     
     
      their
      fists
      but
      with
      open
      cupped
     
     
      hands,
      making
      the
      familiar
      loud
     
     
      sound
      which
      can
      indicate
      aggression
     
     
      or
      excitement.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      It
      may
      also
      indicate
      a
     
     
      really
      itchy
      nipple.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Gorillas
      can
      live
      more
      than
      50
     
     
      years.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      They’d
      live
      even
      longer,
      if
     
     
      they
      weren’t
      so
      delicious.
      ©
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Newborn
      gorillas
      are
      very
     
     
      small,
      weighing
      only
      about
      four
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Fact
      and
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      half
      pounds.
      They
      are
      helpless
      at
     
     
      birth
      and
      depend
      on
      their
      mothers
      for
     
     
      at
      least
      three
      years,
      and
      they
      usually
     
     
      stay
      in
      their
      family
      group
      as
      they
     
     
      grow
      up.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      But
      as
      soon
      as
      they’re
      old
     
     
      enough
      to
      get
      a
      job,
      they’re
      on
      their
     
     
      own.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Females
      mature
      at
      10
      to
      12
     
     
      years
      and
      males
      at
      11
      to
      13
      years.
     
     
      OPINION:
      An
      early
      sign
      of
      maturity
     
     
      in
      male
      gorillas
      is
      when
      they
      start
     
     
      spanking
      the
      monkey.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Young
      gorillas
      must
      learn
     
     
      from
      their
      group
      how
      to
      find
      food,
     
     
      make
      nests,
      take
      care
      of
      babies
      and
     
     
      get
      along
      with
      other
      gorillas.
     
     
      OPINION:
      I
      wish
      I
      was
      taught
      how
     
     
      to
      get
      along
      with
      other
      gorillas.
      I.
     
     
      always
      end
      up
      pissing
      them
      off.