Fact
      and
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Stephan
      MacLEOD
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Halloween
      is
      based
      on
      an
     
     
      ancient
      holiday
      ‘All
      Hallows
      Eve’.
      It
     
     
      was
      the
      one
      day
      of
      the
      year
      where
     
     
      dead
      spirits
      were
      allowed
      to
      walk
      the
     
     
      earth.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Now
      it’s
      the
      one
      day
      of
     
     
      the
      year
      where
      you
      can
      get
      free
      candy
     
     
      just
      by
      beating
      up
      little
      kids.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Male
      bats
      have
      the
      highest
     
     
      rate
      of
      homosexuality
      of
      any
      group
      of
     
     
      mammals
      that
      exist.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      What
      about
      Batman?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      celebrations
      of
      the
      eve
      of
     
     
      All
      Saints’
      Day,
      All
      Saints’
      Day,
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
      All
      Souls’
      Day
      were
      all
      called
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Hallowmas
      in
      the
      800s
      when
      the
      cel-
     
     
      ebrations
      were
      designated
      by
      Pope
     
     
      Boniface
      IV.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Hallowmas
      is
      a
      bad
      name
     
     
      because
      it
      ignores
      the
      most
      important
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      aspect
      of
      Halloween:
      the
      rock
      group
     
     
      Ween.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      Catholic
      Church’s
      All
     
     
      Saints’
      Day
      (Nov.
      1)
      was
      added
      to
      the
     
     
      list
      of
      holy
      days
      in
      an
      effort
      to
      draw
     
     
      attention
      away
      from
      the
      witches’
      new
     
     
      year,
      Samhain
      (pronounced
      ‘Sow-
     
     
      en’),
      otherwise
      known
      as
      Halloween.
     
     
      OPINION:
      .
      The
      Church.
      ;
      created
     
     
      another
      holy
      day
      to
      compete
      with
     
     
      Groundhog
      Day
      by
      claiming
      that
     
     
      Jesus
      ate
      an-entire
      groundhog
      on
     
     
      February
      2nd.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Bats
      fingers
      are
      actually
      parts
     
     
      of
      its
      wings
      and
      their
      “fingers”
      are
     
     
      bigger
      then
      their
      body.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      That
      must
      make
      picking
     
     
      stuff
      up
      very
      difficult.
      Although
      I
     
     
      wouldn’t
      mind
      a
      pair
      of
      gloves
      that
     
     
      were
      bigger
      than
      my
      body.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      first
      LI'VE-ACTION
      (i.e.,
     
     
      not
      counting
      Fred
      &
      Wilma
     
     
      Flintstone,
      who
      were
      the
      true
      first)
     
     
      TV
      couple
      to
      share
      a
      bed
      were
      Darrin
     
     
      &
      Samantha
      Stevens
      from
      Bewitched.
     
     
      Producers
      felt
      they
      could
      get
      away
     
     
      with
      it
      because
      Samantha
      wasn’t
     
     
      human,
      she
      was
      a
      witch.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      It
      was
      okay
      because
     
     
      everyone
      knew
      that
      witches
      and
     
     
      cavewomen
      were
      sluts.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Bats
      are
      not
      blind.
      They
      are
     
     
      also
      not
      rodents.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Well
      that
      ruins
      two
      of
      my
     
     
      favourite
      sayings:
      “Blind
      as
      a
      bat.”
     
     
      and
      “Hey
      look,
      that
      fucking
      bat
      is
      a
     
     
      rodent.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      None
      of
      the
      witches
      put
      to
     
     
      death
      in
      the
      Salem
      Witch
      trials
      was
     
     
      burned
      at
      the
      stake.
      They
      were
      all
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      hanged
      but
      one,
      Giles
      Cory,
      who
      was
     
     
      pressed
      to
      death.
      In
      fact,
      there
      are
      no
     
     
      official
      written
      reports
      of
      ANY
     
     
      witches
      in
      the
      US
      being
      burned;
     
     
      burning
      was
      a
      European
      practice
     
     
      associated
      with
      the
      Catholics.
      The
     
     
      people
      in
      the
      New
      World
      were
      so
     
     
      opposed
      to
      Catholic
      procedures
      that
     
     
      they
      even
      rebuked
      their
      procedures
     
     
      for
      the
      punishment
      of
      witchcraft
      as
     
     
      well.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      When
      you’re
      pressed
      to
     
     
      death
      is
      that
      like
      when
      a
      bunch
      of
     
     
      people
      poke
      you
      for
      a
      couple
      hours?
     
     
      Or
      does
      it
      involve
      some
      type
      of
      iron?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Dal
      Maxvill
      of
      the
      1968
      Cards
     
     
      had
      the
      most
      official
      at-bats
      (22)
     
     
      without
      collecting
      a
      single
      hit
      in
      the
     
     
      World
      Series.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Didn’t
      this
      guy
      ever
      hear
     
     
      of
      bunting??
      Happy
      Halloween.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eg*
     
    
   
   
    
     
      If
      you
      enjoy
      looking
      at
      photographs
      like
      the
      ones
      on
      this
      page,
      we
      highly
      recommend
     
     
      that
      you
      look
      at
      the
      middle
      spread
      of
      this
      issue
      of
      The
      Cadre
      right
      now.
      If
      you
      already
     
     
      have,
      then
      look
      again
      anyway
      —
      the
      pictures
      are
      different
      every
      time.
      Spooky,
      eh?