Trials
      &
      Tribulations
      of
      a
      twentysomething
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      S.
      Livingstone
     
    
   
   
    
     
      have
      just
      discovered
      that
      it
      is
      actually
      5:50pm
      and
      not
      3:50pm
      as
      |
      thought
      before
      entering
      the
      English
      lounge
      and
      being
      corrected.
      It
     
    

    
     
      is
      Monday
      evening,
      and
      yes,
      the
      deadline
      for
      X.Press
      submissions
      is
      today
      --
      at
      noon.
      |,
      of
      course,
      am
      way
      off
      track
      as
      usual.
      Between
     
     
      ditching
      classes
      and
      hanging
      out
      in
      the
      pub
      all
      morning,
      hosting
      a
      show
      on
      CIMN,
      and
      staring
      hopelessy
      at
      a
      growing
      pile
      of
      unfinished
     
     
      assignments,
      |
      am
      also
      expected
      to
      find
      time
      to
      produce
      a
      piece
      of
      journalistic
      wizardry
      each
      week.
      Believe
      me,
      keeping
      up
      with
      the
      well
     
     
      publicized
      slacker
      image
      is
      truly
      a
      lot
      of
      work.
     
    

    
     
      Beyond
      the
      strife
      mentioned
      in
      my
      introductory
      lamentations,
      |
      seemingly
      have
      been
      blessed
      with
      a
      severe
      case
      of
      writer’s
      block.
      Then
      again,
      |
     
     
      usually
      am,
      and
      after
      my
      incessant
      chatter
      concerning
      this
      horrible
      illness
      (excuse)
      |
      often
      find
      something
      to
      say.
      This
      is
      called
      progressive
      journalism
     
     
      in
      that
      one
      must
      proceed
      through
      the
      indroductory
      wasteland
      in
      order
      to
      discover
      something
      worthwhile
      and
      meaningful.
      |
      apologize
      in
      advance
      for
     
     
      the
      inferior
      quality
      of
      this
      article.
      |
      havea
      test
      in
      approximately
      30
      minutes,
      and
      if
      you
      thought
      |
      was
      prepared,
      then
      you
      must
      be
      just
      getting
      to
      know
     
     
      me.
      That
      reference
      to
      “you”
      and
      “me”
      is
      as
      up-close
      and
      personal
      as
      this
      writer
      gets.
      |
      hold
      no
      secrets.
     
    

    
     
      For
      all
      the
      students
      of
      this
      fine
      campus
      community
      that
      are
      not
      in
      touch
      with
      the
      surreal
      world
      of
      politics,
      |
      should
      mention
      that
      there
      is
      a
      little
     
     
      event
      of
      pomp
      and
      pageantry
      on
      the
      Canadian
      horizon.
      It’s
      calledan
      election.
      Not
      the
      upcoming
      UPEI
      Student
      Union
      election,
      but
      the
      federal
      election,
     
     
      with
      a
      veritable
      buffet
      of
      card-carrying
      establishment
      members
      (grown
      ups)
      all
      hoping
      to
      become
      the
      next
      Prime
      Minister
      of
      Canada.
      It
      is
      the
     
     
      responsibility
      of
      every
      gen
      x’er
      to
      vote
      in
      this
      election.
      If
      we
      do
      not
      vote,
      we
      cannot
      complain
      for
      the
      next
      five
      years
      in
      regards
      to
      the
      federal
     
     
      government's
      plan
      to
      ruin
      our
      lives.
      Imagine,
      not
      having
      the
      right
      to
      whine
      for
      five
      long
      years.
      In
      that
      time
      we
      could
      all
      finish
      our
      educations
      and
      settle
     
     
      into
      a
      promising
      McProfession.
      Who
      needs
      that,
      though?
     
    

    
     
      If
      you
      have
      been
      paying
      homage
      to
      that
      fascinating
      invention
      for
      the
      living
      room,
      your
      television,
      and
      have
      been
      able
      to
      tear
      yourself
      away
      from
     
     
      the
      barrage
      of
      quality-bankrupt
      programming
      pouring
      in
      from
      the
      US,
      you
      may
      be
      aware
      of
      this
      election
      thing
      and
      who
      is
      grasping
      for
      the
      proverbial
     
     
      control
      panel
      of
      the
      country.
      If
      not,
      |
      am
      here
      to
      inform
      you.
      Anything
      for
      my
      loyal
      readership.
      Kim
      Campbell
      is
      the
      leader
      of
      the
      Progressive
     
     
      Conservatives
      and,
      at
      present,
      the
      Prime
      Minister.
      She
      recently
      returned
      from
      her
      cross
      country
      “Barbeque
      Tour”.
      She
      was
      too
      busy
      making
      home
     
     
      movies
      with
      CBC
      to
      flip
      burgers.
      Jean
      Charest
      was
      given
      the
      honours.
      It
      is
      Campbell’s
      larger
      than
      life
      portrait
      you
      will
      see
      in
      windows
      all
      over
      town.
     
     
      It's
      okay,
      they
      scare
      me
      too.
      Will!
      vote
      for
      the
      leader
      of
      this
      country’s
      upper
      class
      conservative
      regime?
      My
      parents
      seem
      to
      think
      so.
      They
      may
     
     
      be
      mistaken.
      Next
      we
      have
      Jean
      Chretien,
      leader
      of
      the
      Liberal
      Party,
      and
      all
      around
      annoying
      guy.
      Posters
      around
      campus
      tell
      the
      public
      “Jean
     
     
      Chretien:
      Leadership
      for
      the
      60's”.
      The
      message
      may
      be
      true,
      but
      he
      deserves
      credit
      for
      trying
      to
      jump
      into
      the
      ninties.
      He
      may
      be
      stalled
      in
      the
     
     
      early
      eighties,
      but
      that
      denim
      shirt
      certianly
      gives
      him
      an
      edge.
      |
      would
      like
      to
      discuss
      Mr.
      Chretien’s
      views,
      but
      the
      man
      cannot
      be
      understood
      in
     
     
      French
      or
      English,
      so
      his
      platform
      was
      dismantled
      the
      minute
      he
      opened
      the
      left
      side
      of
      his
      mouth
      and
      began
      to
      talk.
      :
     
    

    
     
      Moving
      on
      to
      the
      New
      Democratic
      Party
      and
      its
      leader,
      Audrey
      McLauglin.
      Audrey
      who?
      Enough
      said.
     
    

    
     
      The
      Reform
      Dictatorship,
      |
      mean
      party,
      presents
      to
      the
      country
      Preston
      Manning
      and
      his
      exmanination
      of
      the
      country.
      This
      man
      is
      a
      true
      slacker.
     
     
      He
      wears
      flannel
      plaid
      (grunge
      wannabe?)
      and
      tells
      Quebec
      that
      if
      they
      want
      out
      to
      go
      but
      not
      to
      bother
      him
      with
      the
      details.
      He
      is
      redefining
      the
     
     
      word
      “responsibility”
      in
      a
      leadership
      context.
      The
      truth?
      The
      little
      bespectacled
      one
      annoys
      the
      hell
      out
      of
      me.
     
    

    
     
      The
      one
      man
      who
      forces
      everyone
      in
      English
      Canada
      to
      cringe
      is
      Lucien
      Bouchard,
      leader
      of
      the
      BQ,
      which
      stands
      for
      the
      Bloc
      Quebecois
      and
     
     
      not
      a
      fast
      food
      chain,
      although
      a
      colleague
      of
      mine
      from
      Kelly
      Bldg.
      referred
      to
      it
      as
      Be
      Quiet.
      This
      man
      hopes
      to
      contribute
      to
      the
      ruination
      of
      the
     
     
      federation.
      We
      can’t
      wait
      to
      see
      him
      in
      action,
      now,
      can
      we?
      oo
     
    

    
     
      Beyond
      the
      likes
      of
      Reform
      and
      the
      BQ,
      Canada
      has
      also
      produced
      over
      the
      last
      five
      years
      enough
      fringe
      parties
      to
      resemble
      Italy.
      The
      National
     
     
      Party
      and
      the
      Natural
      Law
      are
      two
      of
      these.
      The
      National
      Party
      is
      too
      boring
      to
      mention,
      and
      if
      you
      have
      seen
      the
      Natural
      Law
      Party’s
      television
     
     
      commercials,
      you
      will
      be
      too
      frightened
      to
      vote.
      One
      suggestion
      for
      the
      Natural
      Law
      Party:
      lose
      the
      marketing
      magician
      behind
      that
      advertising
      campaign.
     
    

    
     
      There
      you
      have
      it.
      The
      Complete
      Guide
      to
      Slacker
      Politics.
      Don't
      be
      afraid
      to
      mark
      your
      generational
      X.
      It
      is
      your
      right,
      and
      if
      you
      don’t,
      be
      prepared
     
     
      to
      be
      very
      apathetic
      for
      the
      next
      few
      years.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      12/X-Press/October
      7,
      1993