March
      11,
      1997
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      There
      are
      two
      sides
      to
     
     
      every
      story
      of
      divorce.
      Over
     
     
      the
      last
      few
      years,
      we
      have
     
     
      heard
      a
      great
      deal
      about
      ‘her’
     
     
      side
      of
      the
      story
      in
      newspa-
     
     
      pers,
      magazines
      and
      on
      televi-
     
     
      sion.
      What
      we
      rarely
      hear,
     
     
      though,
      is
      ‘his’
      side.
      As
      a
     
     
      result
      of
      my
      last
      article
      on
     
     
      Canada’s
      new
      divorce
      law,
      I
     
     
      was
      approached
      by
      several
     
     
      divorced
      men
      eager
      to
      bend
     
     
      my
      ear.
      Allow
      me
      to
      share
      a
     
     
      few
      tales.
     
    

    
     
      Let’s
      start
      with
      Mr.
      H.,
     
     
      who
      is
      a
      mature
      student
      at
     
     
      U.P.E.L.
      He
      and
      his
      wife
      di-
     
     
      vorced
      several
      years
      ago,
      quite
     
     
      bitterly,
      leaving
      her
      with
      cus-
     
     
      tody
      of
      his
      daughter.
      One
      day
     
     
      he
      received
      a
      call
      from
      his
      ex-
     
     
      wife
      announcing
      her
      intentions
     
     
      to
      remarry.
      After
      offering
      his
     
     
      congratulations,
      he
      was
      about
     
     
      to
      hang
      up
      when
      she
      added
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Panther
      Prints
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      little
      request.
     
     
      _
      “Oh..by
      the
      way...
      m
     
     
      new
      husband
      won’t
      marry
      me
     
     
      unless
      he
      can
      adopt
      our
      daugh-
     
     
      ter,
      so
      I
      want
      you
      to
      to
      relin-
     
     
      quish
      your
      rights
      to
      her.”
     
     
      Needless
      to
      say,
      Mr.
      H’s
     
     
      reaction
      was
      less
      than
      pleas-
     
     
      ant.
      The
      conversation
      ended
     
     
      with
      his
      ex-wife
      delivering
      an
     
     
      ultimatum:
      “Either
      you
      sign
     
     
      over
      the
      rights,
      or
      you
      will
     
     
      never
      see
      your
      daughter
     
     
      again.”
      Click.
      Not
      long
      after,
     
     
      she
      took
      his
      daughter
      and
     
     
      moved
      to
      the
      US,
      not
      once
     
     
      returning
      to
      the
      country.
      |
      It
     
     
      only
      ended
      when
      Mr.
      H.
      re-
     
     
      ceived
      a
      tip
      from
      a
      friend,
      tell-
     
     
      ing
      him
      a
      flight
      number
      and
     
     
      time
      she
      would
      be
      stopping
      in
     
     
      Canada
      for
      a
      visit.
      The
      sec-
     
     
      ond
      she
      stepped
      off
      the
      plane,
     
     
      she
      was
      served
      with
      papers
     
     
      ordering
      her
      to
      appear
      in
      court.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cost
      for
      Mr.
      H.
      to
      be
      allowed
     
     
      to
      see
      his
      only
      daughter
      —
     
     
      $900.
      Time
      elapsed:
      three
     
     
      years.
     
    

    
     
      Then
      there
      was
      Mr.
      B.,
     
     
      who
      lost
      his
      custody
      battle
      with
     
     
      his
      wife
      and
      was
      ordered
      to
     
     
      pay
      $1,200
      a
      month
      in
      child-
     
     
      support
      payments.
      He
      did,
     
     
      quite
      faithfully;
      but
      soon
      found
     
     
      his
      children
      calling
      him
      for
     
     
      favors.
      A
      new
      pair
      of
      jeans
     
     
      here,
      a
      pair
      of
      shoes
      there
      —
     
     
      all
      on
      top
      of
      his
      monthly
      pay-
     
     
      ment.
      On
      the
      advice
      of
      his
     
     
      lawyer,
      he
      saved
      his
      receipts
     
     
      for
      one
      month,
      just
      to
      see
      how
     
     
      much
      he
      was
      spending.
      At
      the
     
     
      end
      of
      the
      month,
      the
      total
     
     
      reached
      $1,000;
      and
      based
     
     
      upon
      this
      evidence,
      the
      lawyer
     
     
      managed
      to
      have
      his
      child-
     
     
      support
      payments
      halved.
     
     
      How?
      He
      proved
      the
      money
     
     
      wasn’t
      getting
      past
      the
      ex-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      wife
      and
      onto
      his
      kids.
      As
      far
     
     
      as
      I
      know,
      his
      children
      are
      still
     
     
      calling.
     
    

    
     
      My
      favorite
      story
      was
     
     
      about
      Mr.
      Y.,
      who
      was
      hit
     
     
      with
      alimony
      payments
      worth
     
     
      $1,000
      a
      month
      after
      he
      di-
     
     
      vorced
      his
      wife.
      Mr.
      Y..,
     
     
      though,
      refused
      to
      pay.
      Two
     
     
      years
      and
      $25,000
      later,
      his
     
     
      wife
      took
      his
      to
      court
      and
      man-
     
     
      aged
      to
      get
      his
      wages
      gar-
     
     
      nished.
      So
      he
      quit
      his
      job
      and
     
     
      went
      on
      welfare.
      Another
     
     
      year
      of
      this,
      and
      his
      wife
      re-
     
     
      ceived
      permission
      to
      garnish
     
     
      his
      welfare
      checks
      too.
      No
     
     
      problem
      —
      he
      just
      got
      off
     
     
      welfare
      and
      started
      working
     
     
      under
      the
      table.
      No
      income,
     
     
      no
      alimony
      payments.
      Why
      do
     
     
      I
      admire
      him?
      His
      motives
      |
     
     
      suppose.
      You
      see,
      he
      came
     
     
      home
      one
      day
      and
      found
      his
     
     
      wife
      in
      bed
      with
      another
      man;
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      he
      absolutely
      refused
      to
     
     
      pay
      for
      her
      infidelity.
      Can’t
     
     
      say
      I
      blame
      him.
     
    

    
     
      For
      every
      story
      I’m
      told
     
     
      about
      deadbeat
      dads,
      I
      can
      tell
     
     
      you
      a
      story
      about
      a
      mother
     
     
      who
      spends
      her
      child-support
     
     
      payments
      on
      bingo
      and
      week-
     
     
      ends
      in
      the
      bars.
      For
      every
      ex-
     
     
      husband
      who
      abandons
      his
     
     
      kids,
      there’s
      a
      mother
      who
     
     
      runs
      away,
      who
      makes
      false
     
     
      accusations
      of
      sexual
      abuse,
     
     
      and
      who
      uses
      her
      children
      as
      a
     
     
      weapon
      of
      revenge.
      There
      is
     
     
      no
      doubt
      that
      many
      women
     
     
      suffer
      horribly
      after
      a
      divorce.
     
     
      What
      we
      seem
      to
      forget
      is
      that
     
     
      those.
      women
      have
      divorced
     
     
      men;
      and
      men
      suffer
      to.
     
    

    
     
      There
      are
      two
      sides
      to
     
     
      every
      story.
      Unfortunately,
     
     
      women
      seem
      to
      have
      a
      stran-
     
     
      glehold
      on
      martyrdom.
      Men
     
     
      —
      they
      just
      get
      crucified.