—page1 +‘ * Wmtmsmwmmae . .Efi'fifl‘i " ‘WL’J-"e'a‘r’e L BrainDrain ‘-‘-- an exclusive. interview; By Jim Lai. Brian Drain. Never heard of them, right? .Well, they’re a new heavy metal band that’s out to conquer the world and get rich doing it. They are: Ms. Cheeta, lead singer; Jean Baptiste Litre, lead guitarist; Alix Kreap, rhythm guitarist; Titus Groan. bassist; and Dr. Prunesquallor, drummer. I’d like to tell you what the group is like, but the inter- view says it all. Gem: Brain Drain — who thought up the name? Kreap: I did. I was cleaning up a biology lab and the thing popped right into my head. I don’t know why. Gem: Who do you consider your toughest competion? All: Spinal Tap! Gem: Cheeta, why were you picked as the lead singer? Cheeta: Because of my good looks — make that incredibly good looks — and the fact that I was the only person who’d touch their material. Gem: How long have you been together? Cheeta: Since I was born — Litre: No, her IQ. Two, years {hat Cheeta: (Censored) Gem: To what would vou attribute your band‘s unique sound"! Litre: The fact that we can’t tune our instruments. Groan: And our amplifiers. Gem: What’s so special about your amps? Groan: They’re loud. Gem.’ Amazing. What do you like about drumming, Doctor Doe: I like beating the (expletive deleted) out, of them? Gem: How do you write songs? Doc: 1 don’t know. Litre: We can’t read or write. We just play them. Gem: Incredible. Who is the major talent in the band? Kreap: Talent? Cheeta: Me, of course! Kreap: No comment. Cheeta: Kreap, you creep! Gem: What are your major influences? Litre: Construction sites, subways, nightmares that’s about it. Groan: Don’t forget hang— overs. Litre: Oh, yeah. Gem: Let’s talk about musicianship. Groan: Count me out. Doe: I like beating the (censored) out of my drums! Cheeta: I don’t know any- thing about that. I just sing. Groan: I knew we shouldn’t have gotten a blonde singer. (Sigh.) Gem: Did you two Kreap and Litre) ever take music lessons? Kreap: I didn’t. Cheeta: It shows. Litre: Everything just came naturally. Gem: How did you learn to play guitar? Litre: Totally by accident. I was totally aggravated one day while practicing, so I smashed my guitar. Only then did Iget the sound I had wanted for so long. Now I smash a guitar every show. Gem: What do you have to say to the rumors that your songs are satanic in content? Kreap: Garbage. I can’t accept the fact that anyone could be better than I am, so why would I plug some jerk’s ideas in my songs? Litre: In other words, the band has too big an ego to worship anything. Gem: Do you take drugs? Cheeta: I take aspirin after a gig. Doe: I beat my (expletive deleted) drums! Kreap: I prefer standing on my head — it’s cheaper! Litre: I eat my old guitar strings. Groan: I don’t know. I don’t care. ' Gem: What are yOur col- leetive aspirations? Cheeta: What? Groan: I don‘t know. I don’t care. Kreap: To get a singer with brains. Cheeta: (Censored) Doe: I want to (expletive deleted) beat my drums! Litre: I’d like to learn how to tune my guitar. Gem: How do you tune them now? Litre: I don’t. That‘s why I smash my guitars every show. Ijust play them as I get them. Gem: Who’s your favorite guitarist? Litre: Myself. Cheeta: Ask me a question. Gem: Alright. What do you like most about performing? Cheeta: Wearing costumes that would have been banned by the Moral Majority. Gem: Uh—huh. Cheeta: Want to see one? Gem: Uh, Doc, what was your hobby? Doc: Beating my (expletive deleted) drums! Cheeta: You didn’t answer my question. Gem: That’s because I’m the one doing the interview. Now, Groan, what is your view on life? Groan: Who gives a (cen- sored)?! Cheeta: What about me ~— Gem: Litre, what do you do after a gig? Litre: I don’t know. Cheeta: That does it! Gem: Kreap, what’s in store for the band? Kreap: Last time I went there". were guitars and guitar strings. I don’t know. Gem: Does anyone know what’s going on? Litre: Yeah. Cheeta’s getting ready to pounce on you. Gem: What? Litre: Now you know why we call her Cheeta. Gem.- Can I have your guitar? Litre: Sure. I was only goin to smash it. Gem: Thanks! Groan: I can’t bear to watch! Cheeta: Then (expletive deleted) shoot yourself! The interview was over. Somehow," I fended off .. away and I get a fre vicious Cheeta with Litre’s guitar and made it to my Trans Am. Now they’re miles a knock at the door. Oh, Gods-It’s hernagain. That I wonder what they’ll-1do dQeS' it —%~;:r_10,.more,band interviews. Iv’ll seeyou later, Just a moment — there’s if Isurvive! n Caption: “I know this is a tough street, but isn’t this overdoing it, guys?”