Security 
     
     Radio 
     
    
   
   
    
     Tower 
     
    
   
   
    
     The new security radio tower 
     
     was put in place today at the 
     
     Utility building. With this new 
     
     towerr, Security personnel willbe 
     
     | in a much better position to 
     
     battle the endless crime that 
     
     abounds on our UPEI campus. 
     
     | “We will be able to battle crime 
     
    

    
     on a much higher scale” said Of 
     
     ficer Bob in an interview earlier 
     
    
   
   
    
     Student Swallowed-By Massive 
     
    
   
   
    
     UPEI student Mac Starzan 
     
     was suffocated by a massive 
     
     pond which head of mainte- 
     
     nance described as “coming outof 
     
     nowhere”. 
     
    

    
     This strange phenomenon has 
     
     now occurred for the third time in 
     
     two weeks. President Eliot stated 
     
     that an immediate investigation 
     
     will be forthcoming. Mainte- 
     
     nance believes that there is the 
     
     possibility of foul play. 
     
    
   
   
    
     The other students who were 
     
     swallowed werre identified as 
     
    
   
   
    
     Mud Puddle — 
     
    
   
   
    
     Maintenance says 
     
    
   
   
    
     “It Came from Nowhere!” 
     
    
   
   
    
     ecurity Receives 
     
     New C—5 
     
     Grenade Launcher 
     
    
   
   
    
     Clio, and Byron Kiddlemeir, aged 
     
     27 and 22, respectively. 
     
    

    
     Dean Macmillan was desper- 
     
     ately trying to avoid any com- 
     
     ment, when he and another stu- 
     
     dent were walking near the sight. 
     
    
   
   
    
     UPEI Acceptsorm 
     
     “Mature. Students 
     
    
   
   
    
     Details on Page 101 “wv 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     Worried about computer viruses? A 
     
     3 major development at UPEI oc- 
     
     There’s only one guaranteed method of curred when the new C-5 grenade 
     
     software protection. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     launcher arrived. President Eliot 
     
     announced that this will be used 
     
     to ensure that the Holland Col- 
     
     lege debating team will never de- 
     
     feat us again in a debate. 
     
    

    
     SU President, Dean MacMil- 
     
     lan, exclaimed that there was 
     
     one large reason for having the 
     
     grenade launcher on campus. “to 
     
     combat the growing threat of the 
     
     campus becoming contaminated 
     
     with PCBs. When asked what 
     
     the hell PCBs had to do with it, 
     
     MacMillan replied that the gov- 
     
     ernment will listen to us if we had 
     
     a grenade launcher. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Children, - 
     
     Don’t have 
     
     Sex on 
     
    
   
   
    
     your Footon! 
     
    
   
   
    
     can stimulate and arouse your PC, 
     
     as well as protect it. 
     
     PH. 977-4040 
     
     429000 Osborne Street South 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     \ : ¢ ”