DOES 1 % DI’SCO REALLY SUCK? ‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
     By JMC 
     
    
   
   
    
     This previous summer, I 
     
     spent a lot of time 
     
     investigating a phenomena 
     
     that is so widespread it 
     
     has been spat‘upon in 
     
     almost every language on 
     
     this Earth. I refer of 
     
     course, to disco. My 
     
     purpose was to investigate 
     
     the claim that "disco 
     
     sucks". 
     
    

    
     Naturally,the first 
     
     thing to do was to 
     
     experience disco first 
     
     hand. So I dressed in my 
     
     tightest pants and 
     
     selected a suitable "disco" 
     
     shirt, and headed for 
     
     G.J. '5. What I encountered 
     
     upon entering was a mass 
     
     of intensely unpleasant 
     
     vibrations able to knock 
     
     out a frog at 10 meters 
     
     (for you metric fans) . 
     
    

    
     The first question I 
     
     asked myself was, "Why do 
     
     apparently sane people‘ 
     
     subject thesmelves to sud1 
     
     obvious punishment?" To‘ 
     
     answer this I decided to 
     
     analyze the 'music' itself. \ 
     
     The main feature of disco 
     
     is its never-ceasing beat 
     
     of 2H2 (beats per second 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     ' " IS LAN D 
     
    
   
   
    
     RUFUS BOA 
     
    
   
   
    
     Monday. 81 . 
     
     : Student. aligns _ 
     
    
   
   
    
     Ladie 3' Night 
     
    
   
   
    
     o 
     
    
   
   
    
     A 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
        
     
    
   
   
    
     ENTERTAINMENT“ 
     
    
   
   
    
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     for you freshmen). Next 
     
     I examined the possible ' 
     
     relation to-lthe hman::bo'dy. 
     
     There is alitt‘le known 
     
     gland situated below the 
     
     frontal lobe, called the 
     
     pituitary gland. The 
     
     pituitary makes hormones 
     
     which affect growth, 
     
     general metabolism, foetal 
     
     development, and most 
     
     importantly , sexual develop- 
     
     ment and maintenance. 
     
     NON, there is a well known 
     
     formula for finding'the 
     
     frequency of waves and 
     
    
   
   
    
     ’ objects and such: 
     
    
   
   
    
     rl‘he mass of the pituitary 
     
     is about 5g. "K" is a con- 
     
     stant, in this case about 
     
     0.7896 Kg/sZ. From this, 
     
     we can see that the natural 
     
     frequency of the pituitary 
     
     is 2Hz, Whid’l happens to be 
     
     the exact frequency of the 
     
     disco beat. 
     
    

    
     ‘ This correlation becomes 
     
    
   
   
    
     less startling as more facts 
     
     are noted: when the pituitary 
     
     vibrates it produces hormones ‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
     known as Follicle ’ , 
     
     Stimulating Hormones (FSH) 
     
    
   
   
    
         
     
    
   
   
    
     I. r 
     
    
   
   
    
     'CENTER r 
     
    
   
   
    
     Playing This Week ~' 
     
    
   
   
    
     D “MACHINE 
     
    
   
   
    
     W dnes'day" 
     
    
   
   
    
     HALF PRICE POR‘s‘TUDEmTa ' 
     
     DRINKS AT SPECIAL. PRICES 
     
    
   
   
    
     E Tuesday .3: ~ 
     
    
   
   
    
     rm PRICE POP; ICADIES» 
     
    
   
   
    
     LADIE$ ‘SECOND DRINK Om-bs 
     
     7. 
     
     FERNUPEI STUDENTS 
     
    
   
   
    
     ’ 
     
    
   
   
    
     CASCADE, DINING ROOM AND LOUNGE 
     
     ' - ' iii: 892-1149: 
     
    
   
   
    
         
     
    
   
   
    
     , l 
     
    
   
   
    
     . l 
     
    
   
   
    
     x. 
     
    
   
   
    
     w T ‘ UPEII’SUN, October m, 1979.?" Page 6" P Q M 
     
    
   
   
    
     J 
     
    
   
   
    
     and Luienizing Hormones (LH) . 
     
     (Biology students note.) In 
     
     females, FSH: stiimlates the. 
     
     follicles of the ovary to 
     
     grow, and in males (it 
     
     stimulates the development 
     
     of sperm producing cells, 
     
     while LH stimulates the 
     
     formation of the corpus 
     
     luteum in females and the 
     
     production of testrone in 
     
     males. As you can well 
     
     imagine, the balance of 
     
    

    
     these hormones determines 
     
     the sexual state of the 
     
     subject at any given time. 
     
    
   
   
    
     . The over—production of 
     
    
   
   
    
     these hormones due to 
     
    
   
   
    
     ' direct stimulation by the 
     
    
   
   
    
     disco beat causes in- 
     
     creased sexual excitement 
     
     in both sexes. This 
     
     phenomena can be readily 
     
     observed at any disco. 
     
    

    
     The  over—product— 
     
     ion of these hormones can- 
     
     also lead to: 
     
    
   
   
    
     1. loss of. memory 
     
    

    
     2. premature senility 
     
    

    
     3. loss of hair. 
     
    

    
     4. an overpowering urge 
     
     to vote NDP. 
     
    

    
     Most of these results were 
     
     obtained through tests with 
     
     rats (borrowed from fine 
     
     psychology department) , and 
     
     bacterial cultures (courtesy 
     
     of Beaver Foods) . The ‘ 
     
     organism were snbjected to 
     
     cmtinual selections of 
     
     disco music from the "Village 
     
     People“, Silver Connection, 
     
     and (only once) Donna Sumer's 
     
     15-minute orgasmic " love to 
     
     loveyou baby". 
     
    

    
     ._In light of these startling 
     
     new finds, I feel that the 
     
     claim "Disco Sud<s" is not 
     
     only inadequate but also 
     
     inappropriate and \should be 
     
     replaced on all T—shirts, 7 ' 
     
     magazines, etc. , with the 
     
     phrase: 
     
    
   
   
    
     "'“p’I'SOO  
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
            
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     DROP IN  TALK SHOP 
     
    
   
   
    
     '10 PER CENT STUDENT DISCOUNT 
     
    
   
   
    
     UPON PRESENTATION OF STUDENT .I.D. 
     
    
   
   
    
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     o 
     
    
   
   
    
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