n
      praise
      of
     
     
      romantic
      Iofe
     
    
   
   
    
     
      mean
      to
     
     
      praise
      roman-
     
     
      tic
      love,
      that
     
     
      poor,
      de-
     
     
      spised
      cast-off
      cerns
     
     
      child
      of
      modern
      culture,
      a
      wonderful
      experi-
     
     
      ence
      that
      has
      been
      ignored,
      made
      fun
      of,
     
     
      deconstructed,
      and
      otherwise
      tossed
      on
      the
     
     
      rubbish
      heap
      of
      hip
      modern
      life.
     
    

    
     
      What
      is
      romantic
      love?
      Itis
      that
      delight-
     
     
      ful,
      terrifying
      feeling
      that
      possesses
      you
      when
     
     
      Reality
      focuses
      on
      a
      single
      Other,
      the
      beautiful
     
     
      friend,
      the
      lover,
      the
      person
      whose
      soul
      you
     
     
      simply
      cannot
      do
      without.
      You
      meet
      someone
     
     
      in
      an
      ordinary
      social
      context,
      politenesses
      are
     
     
      exchanged,
      functions
      exercised,
      then,
      lo
      and
     
     
      behold!
      Something
      happens.
      At
      some
      moment
     
     
      -
      it
      is
      almost
      impossible
      to
      say
      when
      -
      the
      social
     
     
      trappings
      fall
      away
      and
      you
      are
      face
      to
      face
      with
     
     
      areal
      person.
      Not
      just
      5
      as
     
     
      a
      common
      person
      so-
     
     
      cially
      perceived,
      but
      a
     
     
      person
      you
      look
      upon
     
     
      with
      joy,
      a
      person
     
     
      whose
      faceand
      manner
     
     
      are
      ingrained
      upon
      your
     
     
      consciousness,
      perhaps
     
     
      forever.
     
    

    
     
      Such
      a
      person,
     
     
      when
      you
      come
      upon
     
     
      them
      unexpectedly,
      has
     
     
      the
      power
      to
      startle
     
     
      you
      into
      a
      recognition
     
     
      of
      blessedness;
      it
      is
      joy
     
     
      simply
      to
      be
      with
      them,
     
     
      and
      sorrow
      to
      be
      cut
     
     
      off.
      Do
      you
      want
      to
     
     
      test
      your
      experience
      of
     
     
      romantic
      love?
      Ask
     
     
      yourself
      if
      it
      would
      be
     
     
      heaven
      to
      spend
      six
     
     
      hours
      with
      your
      lover
     
     
      in
      the
      waiting
      room
      of
     
     
      an
      airport.
      Ask
      your-
     
     
      self
      if
      you
      can
      see
      them
     
     
      in
      all
      their
      plainness,
     
    

    
     
      with
      faults
      or
      wrinkles,
     
     
      and
      rejoice
      that,
      after
     
    
   
   
    
     
      8/X-Press/September
      9,
      1993
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      Tom
      Henighan
     
     
      Tom
      Henighan
      is
      a
      professor
      of
      English
      at
     
     
      Carleton
      University
      and
      has
      just
      published
      a
     
     
      new
      collection
      of
      stories,
      Strange
      Attractors.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      all,
      there’s
      something
     
     
      extraordinarily
      good
     
     
      about
      being
      alive
      in
     
     
      our
      universe.
     
    

    
     
      It’s
      odd,
      but
      when
      you
     
     
      first
      “recognize”
      the
      loved
      person
      you
      know
     
     
      them
      almost
      as
      well
      as
      you
      ever
      will.
      You
      may
     
     
      knowalmost
      nothing
      about
      them
      -and
      may
      have
     
     
      to
      spend
      months
      or
      years
      acquiring
      facts
      about
     
     
      them
      -but
      youwill
      never
      know
      them
      better
      than
     
     
      at
      that
      first
      moment.
      This
      is
      where
      the
      “eternal”
     
     
      comes
      in.
     
    

    
     
      Weliveinatime-bound
      world,
      stretched
      on
      the
     
     
      rack
      of
      minutes,
      hours
      and
      years.
      Everyday
      life
     
     
      is
      often
      routinized
      and
      depressing;
      it
      lacks
     
     
      “annunciations.”
      But
      the
      moments
      spent
      with
     
     
      your
      lover
      seem
      to
      defy
      time.
      A
      sceptic
      would
     
     
      declare
      this
      a
      form
      of
      illusion
      -
      but
      scepticism
     
    
   
   
    
     
      dissolves
      in
      the
      texture
      of
      such
      an
      experience.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      om:
      Tae
      ie
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      We
      live
      in
      an
      age
      of
      “nothing
      buts.”
     
     
      Romantic
      loveis
      “nothing
      but”
      addiction,
      “noth-
     
     
      ing
      but”
      a
      power-trip,
      “nothing
      but”
      sex
      in
     
     
      disguise.
      Of
      course
      there
      are
      such
      components
     
     
      in
      romantic
      love,
      but
      even
      so,
      what
      a
      glorious
     
     
      experience
      it
      is
      in*its
      wholeness
      and
      complexity,
     
     
      how
      marvellously
      it
      can
      enrich
      the
      person,
      what
     
     
      a
      complex,
      tender
      and
      funny
      world
      emerges
      for
     
     
      you,
      when
      it
      has
      you
      in
      its
      grasp!
      In
      sucha
      state
     
     
      everything
      takes
      on
      a
      newness
      and
      an
      unex-
     
     
      pected
      beauty:
      a
      simple
      meal
      shared
      becomes
      a
     
     
      feast,a
      common
      melody
      raises
      you
      to
      the
      skies,
     
     
      sunshine
      ona
      frosty
      window
      makes
      you
      want
      to
     
     
      cry
      for
      joy.
      You
      can
      sit
      in
      a
      shopping
      mall
      with
     
     
      your
      lover
      and
      be
      supremely
      happy.
      A
      magic
     
     
      shell
      encloses
      you:
      people
      pass
      by,
      count
      their
     
     
      money,
      scold
      their
      children
      or
      yawn,
      someone
     
     
      empties
      a
      trash
      can.
      It
      is
      all
      supremely
      funny
      and
     
     
      delightful,
      like
      the
      discovery
      of
      a
      mysterious
     
     
      dimension
      in
      the
      heart
      of
      our
      everyday
      banality.
     
    

    
     
      This
      is
      true
      joy
      -
      but
      is
      it
      possible
      to
     
     
      incorporate
      it
      into
      an
      ordinary
      marriage?
      Alas,
     
     
      probably
      not.
      Marriageandromantic
      love
      -
      each
     
     
      wonderful
      in
      its
      own
      way
      -
      contradict
      one
     
     
      another.
     
    

    
     
      Marriage
      at
      its
      best
      encourages
      a
      mutual
     
     
      soul-making
      under
      the
      pressure
      of
      domestic
     
     
      routine.
      Romantic
      love
      asserts
      its
      faith
      in
      the
     
     
      miracle
      of
      the
      occasional
      encounter,
      the
      secret
     
     
      meeting,
      the
      unexpected
      insight.
      It
      is
      often
     
     
      carried
      on
      at
      a
      distance
      -
      thinking
      about
      the
     
     
      other
      person,
      performing
      uncalled-for
      acts
      of
     
     
      devotion,
      filling
      up
      one’s
      dream-time
      with
      a
      real
     
     
      presence.
     
    

    
     
      Do
      romantic
      lovers
      always
      end
      up
      in
      bed?
     
     
      Not
      always.
      Such
      love
      can
      exist
      even
      where
     
     
      sexual
      consummation
      is
      impossible,
      or
      must
      be
     
     
      m/e
      long
      delayed,
      or
      where
     
     
      "
      thereis
      no
      possibility
      of
     
     
      transforming
      it
      into
      mar-
     
     
      ried
      love.
      |
      think
      of
     
     
      Andrew
      Wyeth
      and
      his
     
     
      secret
      paintings
      of
      the
     
     
      other
      woman
      (which
      his
     
     
      wife
      referred
      to
      as
      “acts
     
     
      of
      love”),
      of
      Evelyn
     
     
      Waugh,
      the
      novelist,
      and
     
     
      Lady
      Diana
      Cooper,
      car-
     
     
      rying
      on
      a
      long-distance
     
     
      butintimate
      correspond-
     
     
      ence
      for
      twenty
      years.
     
    

    
     
      In
      romantic
      love
      at
     
     
      its
      best
      there
      is
      joy
      and
     
     
      service,
      companionship
     
     
      amid
      absence,
      passion
     
     
      even
      without
      consum-
     
     
      mation,
      the
      triumph
      of
     
     
      energy
      and
      ecstasy
      over
     
     
      the
      tedium
      of
      our
      sad
     
     
      existence,
      and
      above
      all,
     
     
      the
      knowledge
      that.
      in
     
     
      this
      lonely
      and
      often
     
     
      daunting
      world,
      you
      have
     
     
      a
      friend.