This
      Week:
      The
      Hallowe’en
      Edition
     
    
   
   
    
     
      chills
      the
      blood
      and
      turns
      the
      bowels
      to
      water...
      some
     
     
      thing
      evil
      and
      dark...
      something
      so
      vile
      it
      should
      not
     
     
      exist
      in
      arational
      unive.se...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      T
      here’s
      something
      in
      the
      air
      tonight...
      something
      that
     
    
   
   
    
     
      It’s
      the
      smell
      of
      hundreds
      of
      rotting
      pumpkins
      roasting
      gently
     
     
      over
      hundreds
      of
      candles.
      It’s
      Hallowe’en,
      and
      it’s
      time
      for
      evil
     
     
      to
      have
      a
      party!
      And
      what
      better
      way
      to
      celebrate
      all
      that
      is
     
     
      gross
      and
      ugly
      than
      by
      watching
      some
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Kennedy,
      heroically
      loads
      the
      last
      of
      his
      survivors
      into
      3
     
     
      lifeboat
      and
      they
      triumphantly
      float
      away.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Judgement:
      Gross
      in
      places,
      spooky
      in
      others,
      but
      usually
      just
     
     
      dumb.
      The
      ludicrous
      storyline,
      coupled
      with
      some
      really
      bad
     
     
      dialogue
      and
      special
      effects,
      make
      it
      really
      laughable.
      Just
     
     
      watch
      out
      for
      that
      shower
      scene.
      It’s
      enough
      to
      make
      you
      opt
      for
     
    
   
   
    
     
      dry-cleaning.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ever
      wonder
      how
      they
      make
      that
      disgusting
      marshmallow
      fluff
     
     
      you
      loved
      as
      a
      kid?
      Well,
      according
      to
      The
      Stuff
      (New
      World
     
     
      Pictures,
      1985),
      it’s
      really
      just
      pumped
     
     
      up
      from
      the
      centre
      of
      the
      earth
      and
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      really
      bad
      horror
      movies?
     
    

    
     
      This
      week
      I’m
      reviewing
      four
      of
      ‘em.
     
     
      They’re
      all
      pretty
      bad,
      but
      each
      has
      its
     
     
      own
      strange
      charm.
      Youknow,
      like
      you
     
     
      can’t
      help
      but
      stare
      ata
      gory
      accident?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      First
      in
      line
      is
      a
      charming
      piece
      of
     
     
      stupidity
      called
      Death
      Ship.
      It’s
      the
     
     
      horrific
      tale
      of
      a
      bunch
      of
      mismatched
     
     
      personalities
      who
      get
      thrown
      together
     
     
      in
      a
      lifeboat
      when
      a
      mysterious
      black
     
     
      boat
      rams
      and
      sinks
      their
      cruise
      ship.
      —
     
     
      They
      all
      get
      picked
      up
      by
      a
      mysteri-
     
     
      ously
      abandoned
      black
      ship,
      and
      it’s
     
     
      quite
      awhile
      before
      any
      of
      them
      makes
     
     
      the
      connection.
      In
      the
      meantime,
      the
     
     
      survivors
      start
      getting
      killed
      off
      in
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      "Two
      guys
      find
     
     
      some
      white
      gunk
     
     
      bubbling
      up
     
     
      through
      the
     
     
      snow
      and
      taste
     
     
      ib
     
    
   
   
    
     
      bottled.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Two
      old
      guys
      find
      some
      white
      gunk
     
     
      bubbling
      up
      through
      the
      snow
      and
      taste
     
     
      it
      (no,
      Idon’t
      know
      why.)
      It
      tastes
      so
     
     
      great
      they
      decide
      to
      market
      it
      as
      4
     
     
      dessert.
      Before
      long,
      the
      fantastically
     
     
      tasty
      and
      addictive
      Stuff
      is
      every-
     
     
      where.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      But
      a
      few
      people
      don’t
      like
      the
      Stuff.
     
     
      They
      include:
      Jason,
      a
      kid
      who
      finds
     
     
      the
      Stuff
      running
      around
      inside
      his
     
     
      fridge;
      Moe,
      a
      spy
      hired
      by
      ice
      creal™
     
     
      moguls
      to
      sabotage
      the
      company;
      and
     
     
      the
      woman
      who
      designed
      the
      market’
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      increasingly
      interesting
      and
      creative
     
    

    
     
      ways,
      the
      most
      frightening
      and
      disgusting
      of
      which
      you
      might
     
     
      want
      to
      fast
      forward
      past.
      Watch
      for
      the
      woman
      going
      into
      the
     
     
      shower,
      and
      if
      you’
      re
      the
      least
      bit
      squeamish
      or
      claustrophobic,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      geniuses
      from
      the
      lifeboat
      eventually
      figure
      out
      that
      the
     
     
      ship
      is
      a
      haunted
      Nazi
      death
      ship
      and
      that
      the
      ghosts
      are
     
     
      responsible
      for
      all
      the
      murders.
      The
      hero,
      played
      by
      George
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ing
      campaign
      for
      the
      Stuff.
     
     
      Guess
      what?
      The
      Stuff
      is
      actually
      4
     
     
      living
      organism
      that
      turns
      its
      victims
      into
      zombies.
      And
      th¢
     
     
      Stuff
      is
      so
      popular
      that
      Moe,
      Jason
      and
      what’s
      her
      name
      are
      8°
     
     
      set
      upon
      by
      lots
      of
      Stuffies
      and
      giant
      globs
      of
      Stuff.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      They
      infiltrate
      the
      company,
      blow
      up
      the
      pit,
      steal
      a
      tanker
      full
     
     
      of
      Stuff
      and
      bug
      out.
      Then
      they
      call
      upona
      retired
      superpatri0!
     
     
      and
      rich
      army
      colonel
      to
      help
      blow
      up
      the
      whole
      company.