THE
      CADRE
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      CTR
      UT
     
     
      Editor-In-Chief
     
    
   
   
    
     
      EAE
     
     
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      Cds
     
    
   
   
    
     
      aa
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ra
     
    
   
   
    
     
      THA
      CT
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OUTRO
      UEC
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sarah
      K.
      Murphy
     
    
   
   
    
     
      News
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      TEU
      TT
     
     
      Ea
      al,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      LC
      ELT
     
    
   
   
    
     
      BYTE
      CSL
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ee
     
    
   
   
    
     
      CHE
      LC
     
    
   
   
    
     
      rf
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Te
      ae
     
     
      Ter
      he
      ea
      Ct:
      1]
     
     
      aH
     
     
      Stephan
      McQuaid
     
     
      David
      MacDonald
     
     
      Kelly
      Mason
     
     
      PUTO
      UT
     
    
   
   
    
     
      TRA
      TAT
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Stephan
      Macleod
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ca)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Carley
      Branton
     
     
      WUC
      mC
      EL
     
     
      Sherri
      MacKenzie
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      since
      1969
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cool
      Love
      by
      Ladies
      Love
      Coolbreeze
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I’m
      kind
      of
      worried
     
     
      about
      the
      end
      of
      the
     
     
      world.
      My
      church
     
     
      says
      that
      Jesus
      is
     
     
      going
      to
      pass
      final
     
     
      judgement
      on
     
     
      everyone
      and
      decide
     
     
      who
      gets
      to
      go
      to
     
     
      Heaven
      and
      who
     
     
      goes
      to
      hell.
      I
      hate
     
     
      being
      picked
      for
     
     
      things,
      and
      I’m
      as
     
     
      nervous
      about
      being
     
     
      told
      to
      go
      to
      Heaven
     
     
      as
      I
      am
      about
      par-
     
     
      ticipating
      in
      class
     
     
      discussions.
      I
      hate
     
     
      the
      attention.
      How
     
     
      can
      I
      get
      Jesus
      not
     
     
      to
      notice
      me?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Ned:
     
    

    
     
      You’re
      church
      is
     
     
      only
      half
      right
      about
     
     
      what’s
      going
      to
     
     
      happen
      when
      the
     
     
      world
      ends.
      Judge
     
     
      Judy
      will
      pass
      final
     
     
      judgement
      on
     
     
      everyone,
      not
      Jesus.
     
     
      There
      are
      a
      number
     
     
      of
      ways
      to
      avoid
     
     
      going
      to
      Heaven
      in
     
     
      her
      courtroom.
     
     
      Interrupt
      her
      when
     
     
      she’s
      talking,
      pre-
     
     
      tend
      like
      you
      need
     
     
      everything
      to
      be
     
     
      explained
      to
      you
     
     
      slowly
      and
      in
      detail,
     
     
      or
      hide
      under
      a
      table
     
     
      when
      she
      asks
      for
     
     
      your
      testimony.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Coolbreeze:
     
     
      I
      met
      this
      guy
      on
     
     
      the
      internet
      and
      I
     
    
   
   
    
     
      lied
      about
      my
      age.
      I
     
     
      told
      him
      ma
      >
     
    
   
   
    
     
      thirteen-year
      old
     
     
      girl,
      but
      I’m
      an
     
     
      eighteen-year
      old
     
     
      guy.
      He
      told
      me
     
     
      he’s
      forty,
      and
      I
     
     
      really
      want
      this
     
     
      relationship
      to
     
     
      work.
      We
      plan
      on
     
     
      meeting
      each
      other
     
     
      soon,
      and
      I
      don’t
     
     
      know
      how
      he’ll
     
     
      react
      to
      my
      lie.
     
     
      What
      should
      I
      do?
     
     
      Steve
     
     
      “Cybersucker”
     
     
      Diesel
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Steve:
     
    

    
     
      When
      you
      meet
      this
     
     
      guy,
      do
      your
      best
      to
     
     
      look
      like
      a
      thirteen-
     
     
      year-old
      girl.
     
    

    
     
      Stuff
      your
      bra
      with
     
     
      kleenex,
      shave
      your
     
     
      beard,
      wear
      a
      ton
      of
     
     
      makeup,
      and
      cut
      off
     
     
      your
      pecker.
      The
     
     
      worst
      that
      could
     
     
      happen
      is
      that
      your
     
     
      cyber-mate
      shows
     
     
      up
      and
      he’s
      really
      a
     
     
      thirty-five
      year
      old
     
     
      pretending
      to
      be
     
     
      forty.
      If
      this
      hap-
     
     
      pens,
      don’t
      let
      on
     
     
      that
      you
      know.
      Go
     
     
      on
      the
      date
      with
     
     
      him
      pretending
      like
     
     
      you
      didn’t
      notice,
     
     
      and
      when
      the
      right
     
     
      moment
      arrives,
      tell
     
     
      him
      you’re
      preg-
     
     
      nant.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Coolbreeze:
     
     
      This
      crusty,
      old
     
     
      man
      was
      flashing
     
     
      my
      friends
      and
      |
     
     
      one
      night
      when
      we
     
     
      were
      eating
      at
     
     
      Burger
      King.
      I
      told
     
     
      one
      of
      the
      employ-
     
     
      ees
      about
      him,
      but
     
    
   
   
    
     
      he
      just
      ignored
      me.
     
     
      The
      guy
      kept
      show-
     
     
      ing
      us
      his
      wang,
      and
     
     
      I
      was
      too
      grossed
     
     
      out
      to
      finish
      my
     
     
      fries.
      As
      we
      got
      up
     
     
      to
      leave
      I
      yelled
      at
     
     
      the
      guy,
      “Put
      that
     
     
      thing
      away,
      you're
     
     
      not
      impressing
     
     
      anyone!”
      and
      he
     
     
      replied,
      “I’m
      the
     
     
      manager
      of
      this
     
     
      restaurant,
      and
      I
      can
     
     
      do
      whatever
      I
     
     
      want.”
      I
      was
      so
     
     
      embarrassed
      be-
     
     
      cause
      he
      was
      obvi-
     
     
      ously
      right.
      I
      can’t
     
     
      believe
      I
      made
      such
     
     
      a
      fool
      of
      myself.
     
     
      My
      friends
      still
      talk
     
     
      about
      it
      and
      they
     
     
      nicknamed
      me
     
     
      “Stupidhead”.
     
    

    
     
      Ally
      MacSqueal
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Ally:
     
    

    
     
      You
      should
      learn
      to
     
     
      not
      get
      upset
      every
     
     
      time
      someone
     
     
      shows
      you
      his
     
     
      trouser
      snake.
      Your
     
     
      situation
      is
      typical
     
     
      of
      most
      Burger
     
     
      King
      restaurants.
     
     
      This
      franchise
      is
     
     
      built
      on
      flashers.
     
     
      McDonalds
      has
      a
     
     
      pedophile
      for
      a
     
     
      mascot,
      Wendys
     
     
      uses
      their
      transves-
     
     
      tite
      owner
      Dave
     
     
      Thomas
      in
      their
     
     
      logo,
      and
      Subway
     
     
      was
      started
      by
      a
     
     
      male
      prostitute
      ring.
     
     
      Fast
      food
      didn’t
     
     
      earn
      that
      title
      by
     
     
      serving
      food
      ina
     
     
      short
      amount
      of
     
     
      time;
      they
      don’t
     
     
      serve
      food
      and
     
     
      they’re
      not
      all
      that
     
    
   
   
    
     
      fast.
      The
      title
      im-
     
     
      plies
      sloppy
      sex.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Coolbreeze:
     
    

    
     
      I
      recently
      overheard
     
     
      one
      of
      my
      mother’s
     
     
      phone
      conversations
     
     
      and
      she
      mentioned
     
     
      something
      about
     
     
      getting
      spanked
      in
      a
     
     
      dungeon.
      She
     
     
      doesn’t
      know
      that
      |
     
     
      heard
      this,
      and
     
     
      when
      I
      tried
      to
     
     
      casually
      bring
      up
     
     
      the
      subject
      in
      con-
     
     
      versation,
      “So
     
     
      how’s
      your
      ass?”
     
     
      she
      pretended
      like
     
     
      she
      didn’t
      know
     
     
      what
      I
      was
      talking
     
     
      about.
      I
      just
      want
      to
     
     
      find
      out
      where'l
      can
     
     
      get
      a
      spanking.
      The
     
     
      education
      system
     
     
      won’t
      allow
      teach-
     
     
      ers
      to
      do
      it
     
     
      anymore,
      and
      |
     
     
      can’t
      convince
      my
      .
     
     
      girlfriend
      to
      do
      it.
     
     
      Hank
      likes
      to
      Spank
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Hank:
     
    

    
     
      It
      is
      clear
      that
      your
     
     
      mother
      doesn’t
     
     
      condone
      this
     
     
      behavior
      for
      you;
     
     
      otherwise
      she
     
     
      would
      have
      been
     
     
      more
      frank
      about
     
     
      the
      spank.
      In
      situa-
     
     
      tions
      like
      this,
      it
      is
     
     
      important
      to
      be
     
     
      honest
      with
      her.
     
     
      Maybe
      when
      she
     
     
      finds
      out
      you’ve
     
     
      been
      listening
      in
      on
     
     
      her
      phone
     
     
      conversations
      she’
      ll
     
     
      give
      you
      the
     
     
      spanking
      you
      de-
     
     
      serve,
      you
      kinky
     
     
      bastard.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      |
      eam
      eae
      ome
      oe