ell,
      followers,
      this
      is
     
     
      the
      very
      last
      X.Press
     
     
      article
      I
      will
      write
     
     
      until
      my
      Senior
      year
     
     
      begins
      in
      September.
     
     
      I
      cannot
      quite
      grasp
     
     
      an
      understanding
      of
     
     
      time
      in
      that
      an
      entire
     
     
      year
      has
      gone
      by
      (not
     
     
      to
      mention
      hundreds
     
     
      of
      classes)
      without
     
     
      my
      noticing.
      Icould
      not
      see
      my
      calendar
      simply
     
     
      because
      of
      the
      endless
      collection
      of
      past
      due
     
     
      assignments
      cluttering
      my
      desk.
      The
      perils
      of
     
     
      procrastination
      certainly
      sent
      me
      reeling
      into
     
     
      the
      depths
      of
      despair
      on
      more
      than
      one
      occa-
     
     
      sion,
      but
      seeing
      as
      I
      published
      my
      perpetual
     
     
      grievances
      on
      a
      weekly
      basis,
      I
      really
      do
      not
      see
     
     
      the
      purpose
      in
      telling
      you
      once
      again
      of
      a
     
     
      situation
      of
      which
      I
      cannot
      see
      the
      end.
      Can
      you
     
     
      say
      ‘‘fail
      out’’?
      I
      myself
      am
      coming
      to
      terms
     
     
      with
      that
      forbidden
      phrase.
      That,
      of
      course,
      is
     
     
      an
      exaggerated
      fear.
      I
      am
      quite
      certain
      I
      will
     
     
      collect
      the
      necessary
      amount
      of
      credits
      this
     
     
      term
      seeing
      as
      I
      resigned
      myself
      to
      the
      fact
      that
     
     
      an
      economics
      degree
      is
      not
      in
      my
      future.
     
     
      What
      began
      with
      one
      untitled
      article
      con-
     
     
      cerning
      the
      shameless
      propaganda
      delivered
      by
     
     
      the
      Canadian
      Broadcasting
      Corporation
      under
     
     
      the
      guise
      of
      Mr.Dress-Up
      became
      my
      undaunted
     
     
      effort
      to
      become
      the
      voice
      of
      my
      generation.
      I
     
     
      soon
      realized
      that
      Douglas
      Coupland
      had
      this
     
     
      covered,
      but
      nonetheless
      I
      continued
      with
      sto-
     
     
      ries
      of
      my
      daily
      strife
      in
      hopes
      of
      creating
      a
     
     
      better
      understanding
      of
      the
      generation
      X.
      Some
     
     
      found
      my
      articles
      irrelevant,
      some
      found
      them
     
     
      humorous
      (my
      ultimate
      goal),
      and
      some
      found
     
     
      them
      to
      be
      lacking
      any
      substance
      as
      far
      as
      news
     
     
      was
      concerned.
      Even
      the
      most
      casual
      reader
      of
     
     
      my
      columns
      should
      know
      by
      now
      that
      I
      am
      just
     
     
      a
      slacker
      who
      finds
      time
      between
      procrastina-
     
     
      tion
      and
      scheming
      to
      hurriedly
      write
      downa
      few
     
     
      paragraphs.
      I
      truly
      hope
      those
      unable
      to
      find
     
     
      some
      sort
      of
      appreciation
      for
      a
      weekly
      column
     
     
      discussing
      the
      virtues
      and
      atrocities
      of
      being
     
     
      part
      of
      the
      thirteenth
      generation
      can
      find
      some
     
     
      better
      form
      ofentertainment,
      becauseas
      Iclearly
     
    
   
   
    
     
      demonstrated
      before,
      I
      do
      not
      succumb
      to
      paltry
     
     
      demands
      placed
      on
      me
      by
      others.
      I
      obviously
     
     
      missed
      the
      Sesame
      Street
      episode
      that
      dealt
     
     
      with
      cooperation.
     
    

    
     
      I
      do
      plan
      on
      returning
      to
      the
      X.Press
      in
     
     
      September
      with
      more
      lamentations
      on
      a
      weekly
     
     
      basis.
      The
      one
      week
      each
      month
      the
      X.Press
      is
     
     
      not
      published
      will
      simply
      give
      me
      more
      time
      to
     
     
      come
      up
      with
      material,
      and
      as
      defiant
      as
      this
     
     
      may
      sound,
      I
      do
      feel
      as
      though
      I
      have
      filled
      a
     
     
      void
      at
      the
      X.Press.
      One
      of
      us
      must
      try
      and
     
     
      explain
      who
      we
      are
      in
      order
      to
      give
      a
      counter
     
     
      perspective
      to
      the
      articles
      being
      written
      about
     
     
      our
      generation
      by
      a
      group
      of
      vehement
      money-
     
     
      hungry
      yuppies.
      Generation
      X,
      by
      the
      previ-
     
     
      ously
      mentioned
      generational
      icon
      Douglas
     
     
      Coupland
      should
      be
      mandatory
      reading
      for
     
     
      twentysomethings
      abroad.
      That
      was
      also
      a
      free
     
     
      and
      blatant
      en-
     
     
      dorsement
      for
     
     
      the
      Canadian
      au-
     
     
      thor.
     
    

    
     
      As
      always
      I
     
     
      really
      do
      not
     
     
      have
      much
      to
     
     
      say,
      and
      al-
     
     
      thoughI
      am
      fully
     
     
      aware
      of
      the
      fact
     
     
      that
      I
      have
      just
     
     
      typed
      off
      three
     
     
      paragraphs,
      I
      still
     
     
      feel
      I
      have
      left
     
     
      something
      out.
      But
      then
      again,
      are
      we
      sup-
     
     
      posed
      to
      feel
      as
      though
      something
      is
      missing;
      a
     
     
      slacker's
      life
      will
      always
      lack
      something
      of
     
     
      utmost
      importance.
      Ifevery
      want
      was
      realized,
     
     
      then
      what
      would
      we
      complain
      about,
      and
      what
     
     
      excuse
      would
      we
      give
      our
      parents
      when
      once
     
     
      again
      asking
      for
      money.
      I
      would,
      at
      this
      mo-
     
     
      ment,
      give
      anything
      to
      have
      all
      my
      papers
      done,
     
     
      but
      until
      I
      read
      those
      textbooks
      that
      is
      an
      unat-
     
     
      tainable
      goal.
      None
      of
      the
      assignments
      seemed
     
     
      quite
      so
      urgent
      until
      I
      came
      to
      the
      delayed
     
     
      conclusion
      that
      April
      is
      not
      in
      a
      few
      weeks
      but
     
     
      is
      already
      here.
      Frightening.
      I
      cannot
      force
     
     
      myself
      to
      reconcile
      with
      the
      fact
      that
      exams
      are
     
     
      closing
      in
      on
      me.
      I
      am
      sure
      I
      will
      survive
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      S.
      Livingstone
     
    
   
   
    
     
      process
      of
      staying
      awake
      night
      after
      night
      in
      the
     
     
      student
      infested
      Main
      Bldg.
      two
      weeks
      prior
      to
     
     
      exams.
      The
      memory
      of
      ‘‘the
      final
      2’’
      live
      on
     
     
      forever
      in
      my
      mind.
     
    

    
     
      The
      last
      paragraph
      is
      always
      the
      most
      diffi-
     
     
      cult
      in
      a
      final
      column
      for
      the
      list
      of
      thank
      you’s
     
     
      is
      infinite.
      I
      would
      have
      to
      thank
      yuppies
      all
     
     
      over
      the
      world
      for
      a
      source
      of
      inspiration
      and
     
     
      ongoing
      amusement;
      the
      UPEI
      security
      depart-
     
     
      ment
      for
      just
      being
      there
      in
      a
      time
      of
      crisis;
      the
     
     
      CBC
      for
      moulding
      me
      during
      my
      formative
     
     
      years;
      Maclean’s
      magazine
      for
      demonstrating
     
     
      how
      not
      to
      report
      the
      news;
      popular
      culture
      as
      it
     
     
      presently
      exists;
      and
      my
      nameless
      friends
      (in-
     
     
      cluding
      Alana
      Duffy
      -
      identity
      revealed)
      who
     
     
      allowed
      me
      to
      ridicule
      them
      in
      low
      quality
     
     
      newsprint.
      I
      should
      also
      thank
      those
      who
      have
     
     
      been
      scrambling
      to
      get
      a
      hold
      on
      the
      alternative
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ‘A
      Slacker's
      life
      will
     
     
      always
      lack
      something
     
     
      of
      the
      utmost
     
     
      importance.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      culture
      of
      the
      Generation
      X
      (MTV
      generation,
     
     
      lost
      generation,
      twentysomethings,
      thirteenth
     
     
      generation
      -the
      list
      goes
      on
      into
      oblivion)
      such
     
     
      as
      Marc
      Jocobs
      of
      Perry
      Ellis
      with
      his
      snappy
     
     
      little
      $500
      grunge
      ensembles
      which
      could
      be
     
     
      purchased
      at
      a
      thrift
      shop
      for
      $5,
      ‘‘Rolling
     
     
      Stone’’
      which
      just
      doesn’t
      have
      a
      handle
      on
      pop
     
     
      culture
      any
      more
      (sorry,
      Jann),
      and
      the
      estab-
     
     
      lishment,
      which
      includes
      our
      parents
      who,
     
     
      through
      disapproval,
      force
      our
      culture
      to
      flour-
     
     
      ish.
      Was
      everyone
      too
      stoned
      in
      the
      sixties
      to
     
     
      take
      notes
      on
      subcultural
      behaviour?
      Anyway,
     
     
      that
      is
      it
      for
      1992-93.
      I
      thank
      you
      for
      your
     
     
      readership
      as
      I
      make
      plans
      to
      return
      next
      fall,
     
     
      via
      Lollapooza
      ’93.
      @
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Trials
      &
      Tribulations
      of
      a
     
     
      twentysomething
     
    
   
   
    
     
      14