pare:
      _
      ripe
      are:
      x
      Segment
      er
      “naa
      $
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Letter
      to
      the
     
     
      stinkin
      edi-tor...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Re:
      Mr
      “Roc”
      the
      ceedee
      reviewer.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Mr.
      “Roc”
      is
      a
      “t*t.”
      The
      Moffats
     
    

    
     
      (or
      however
      tha
      hell
      yuh
      spell
      it)
     
     
      do
      NOT
      sound
      ANYTHING
      like
     
     
      the
      VU.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      ceedee
      jerks
      are
      either
      very
     
     
      sarcastic
      and
      Witty
      (whoa!
      look
     
     
      out!
      people
      so
      witty
      that
      no
      one
      can
     
     
      tell!)
      or
      just...
      uh...
      UGLY!
      YEAH!
     
     
      THAT’S
      RIGHT!
      I
      CALLED
     
     
      YOU
      UGLY!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ps
      The
      rest
      of
      the
      Cadre
      ain’t
      that
     
     
      bad....
      I
      guess...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Love
      from
      Greg.
     
     
      Dear
      Greg:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Thanks
      for
      your
      comments
      about
     
     
      The
      Cadre.
      We
      appreciate
      any
     
     
      comments
      that
      we
      get
      and
      take
     
     
      each
      comment
      seriously.
      For
     
     
      example,
      we
      recently
      got
      a
      com-
     
     
      ment
      about
      swearing
      in
      The
      Cadre,
     
     
      so
      we
      cleaned
      up
      our
      act
      in
      this
     
     
      issue.
      You
      will
      see
      no
      swearing
      in
     
     
      this
      issue
      of
      The
      Cadre.
      That’s
      why
     
     
      we
      had
      to
      censor
      your
      use
      of
      the
     
     
      word
      “t*t”,
      which
      we
      are
      not
      sure
     
     
      whether
      it
      is
      a
      swear
      word
      or
      not,
     
     
      but
      we
      can’t
      take
      any
      chances.
      We
     
     
      agree
      with
      your
      thoughts
      on
      Ryan’s
     
     
      review
      and
      we’re
      sorry
      if
      you
      were
     
     
      offended
      by
      his
      comparison
      of
      the
     
     
      Moffats
      to
      the
      Velvet
     
     
      Underground.
      We
      assure
      you
      that
     
     
      Ryan
      made
      the
      comment
      in
      a
     
     
      ‘tongue
      in
      cheek’
      fashion,
      like
      the
     
     
      way
      Mordecai
      Richler
      called
      PEI
     
     
      useless
      but
      he
      was
      only
      kidding
     
     
      and
      people
      got
      mad
      at
      him
      and
     
     
      called
      him
      a
      t*t.
      Thanks
      for
      you
     
     
      comments,
      though.
      Keep
      ‘em
      com-
     
     
      ing.
     
    

    
     
      -Ed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Editor
      s
      note:
      The
      Following
      let-
     
     
      ters
      have
      been
      recreated
      to
      protect
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      innocent.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Editor:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      fear
      for
      my
      life
      and
      I
      am
      not
      sure
     
    
   
   
    
     
      where
      to
      turn.
      I
      can
      only
      hope
      that.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      if
      I
      tell
      you
      my
      problem,
      then
      you
     
     
      may
      be
      able
      to
      print
      it
      in
      The
      Cadre
     
     
      and
      justice
      will
      be
      done.
      Recently
     
     
      there
      was
      a
      guest
      sermon
      printed
      in
     
     
      The
      Guardian
      regarding
      occultism
     
     
      which
      was
      full
      of
      prejudices
     
     
      against
      people
      who
      do
      not
      have
     
     
      Christian
      beliefs.
      This
      person
      who
     
    
   
   
    
     
      '
      wrote
      the
      article
      is
      in
      a
      position
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      hire
      certain
      people
      at
      UPEI
      and
      I
     
     
      believe
      that
      he
      may
      be
      biased
      when
     
     
      he
      makes
      his
      hiring
      decisions.
     
     
      Please
      bring
      this
      to
      the
      attention
      of
     
     
      your
      readers
      and
      destroy
      any
      trace
     
     
      of
      this
      correspondence.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -Angela
      Bennett
     
     
      Dear
      Angela:
     
     
      Done
      and
      done.
      I
      hope
      you
      don’t
     
    
   
   
    
     
      mind
      us
      printing
      a
      parody
      of
      your
     
     
      letter,
      though.
      We
      had
      to
      let
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      word
      out
      somehow.
      Here
      at
      The
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cadre,
      we
      do
      our
      best
      to
      let
      the
     
     
      voice
      of
      the
      people
      be
      heard,
      even
     
     
      if
      that
      means
      adapting
      letters
      and
     
     
      putting
      words
      into
       people’s
     
     
      mouths,
      including
      the
      Editor-in-
     
     
      Chief’s
      (that’s
      me).
      The
      issue
      that
     
     
      you
      mentioned,
      Angela,
      is
      very
     
     
      important
      and
      it
      must
      be
      taken
      into
     
     
      consideration
      in
      order
      to
      have
      a
     
     
      university
      administration
      that
      is
     
     
      fair
      and
      efficient.
      In
      the
      words
      of
     
     
      the
      great
      Frank
      W.
      Peterson,
      “As
     
     
      sure
      as
      God
      made
      little
      green
     
     
      apples,
      we
      have
      to
      get
      to
      the
      bot-
     
     
      tom
      of
      this
      predicament.”
      And
      we
     
     
      will,
      Angela.
      We
      will.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -Ed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      To
      the
      Editor:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      am
      writing
      this
      letter
      con-
     
     
      cerning
      the
      new
      Student
      Centre
     
     
      design
      as
      published
      in
      a
      recent
     
     
      issue
      of
      The
      Cadre.
      |
      had
      the
      pleas-
     
     
      ure
      of
      attending
      an
      information
     
     
      session
      on
      the
      new
      Student
      Centre
     
    
   
   
    
     
      .
      and
      have
      come
      to
      a
      few
      conclu-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sions
      about
      the
      exterior
      design.
      I
     
     
      would
      like
      to
      share
      them
      with
      you
     
     
      now.
     
    

    
     
      The
      design
      is
      bad
      and
      I
     
     
      don’t
      like
      it
      and
      I
      would
      like
      to
     
     
      know
      what
      is
      going
      to
      be
      done
     
     
      about
      it,
      and
      I
      would
      like
      to
      know
     
     
      what
      you
      people
      are
      going
      to
      do
     
     
      about
      it,
      and
      I
      want
      to
      know
      at
      this
     
     
      very
      moment.
     
    

    
     
      The
      structure,
      its
      inception,
     
     
      its
      orientation,
      its
      placement,
      its
     
     
      colour,
      its
      name
      (I
      bet),
      its
      price,
      its
     
     
      budget,
      its
      management
      and
      its
     
     
      very
      existence
      are
      all
      wrong.
     
    

    
     
      Look,
      I
      know
      you
      people
     
     
      think
      you
      are
      pretty
      smart,
      what
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      with
      you
      being
      in
      the
      Island
      Media
     
    
   
   
    
     
      so
      much
      I
      thought
      you
      had
      changed
     
     
      your
      name
      to
      “Nils
      Ling”,
      but
     
     
      how’s
      about
      focussing,
      for
      once,
     
     
      on
      something
      important
      to
      the
     
     
      community,
      instead
      of
      just
      putting
     
     
      on
      concerts
      all
      the
      time.
     
    

    
     
      In
      conclusion,
      I
      think
      the
     
     
      new
      Student
      Centre
      could
      look
      a
     
     
      lot
      better
      than
      it
      has
      been
      designed.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sincerely,
     
     
      Dirk
      Calloway
     
     
      Dear
      Dirk:
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      think
      the
      Student
      Centre
      design
     
     
      is
      nice
      actually,
      but
      I
      have
      heard
     
     
      some
      complaints
      about
      it.
      From
     
     
      the
      plans
      I
      have
      seen
      the
      structure
     
     
      looks
      like
      it
      is
      useful,
      and
      hand-
     
     
      some,
      and
      I
      think
      the
      fact
      that
      they
     
     
      are
      going
      to
      use
      the
      existing
     
     
      Alumni
      Gymnasium
      structure
      in
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      meaningful
      way
      shows
      class
      (and
     
     
      utilitarianism
      no
      doubt).
      There
      is
      a
     
     
      great
      looking
      performance
      space,
     
     
      with
      a
      deck
      leaning
      over
      it.
      A
     
     
      space
      for
      a
      Games
      Room,
      which
     
     
      even
      those
      snot-nosed
      dimwits
      at
      X
     
     
      have
      had
      for
      years.
      Speaking
      of
     
     
      which
      I
      expect
      the
      MacLeans
      rank-
     
     
      ings,
      where
      UPEI
      moved
      from
     
     
      14th
      last
      year
      to
      18th
      this
      year,
      to
     
     
      cause
      few
      ripples
      in
      the
      blanket
      of
     
     
      apathy
      here;
      though
      it
      should.
      If
     
     
      only
      because
      UPE]
      is
      so
      obviously
     
     
      an
      eclectic
      and
      interesting
      place
      to
     
     
      study,
      home
      to
      both
      the
      country’s
     
     
      finest
      professor
      and
      its
      finest
      stu-
     
     
      dent
      newspaper,
      that
      no
      one
      should
     
     
      have
      an
      inferiority
      complex,
      and,
     
     
      in
      fact,
      you
      should
      develop
      a
      thin
     
     
      hatred
      of
      the
      outside
      world,
      and
     
     
      become
      territorial
      about
      your
     
     
      school;
      do
      so
      by
      deriding
      others.
     
     
      But
      don’t
      be
      sad
      about
      attending
     
     
      the
      18th
      ranked
      primarily
      under-
     
     
      graduate
      school
      in
      the
      country,
      and
     
     
      don’t
      be
      sad
      because
      there
      are
      mice
     
     
      the
      size
      of
      grapefruits
      crawling
     
     
      through
      the
      residences,
      and
      defi-
     
     
      nitely
      don’t
      be
      sad
      that
      UPEI
      will
     
     
      soon
      be
      home
      to
      the
      World’s
     
     
      Largest
      Veterinary
      Academy
      and
     
     
      University
      Shanty
      Town,
      because
     
     
      soon
      you
      will
      have
      a
      very
      elegant
     
     
      Student
      Centre
      where
      you
      will
      be
     
     
      able
      to
      drink,
      and
      socialize,
      and
      if
     
     
      you
      are
      a
      particular
      kind
      of
      malev-
     
     
      olent
      punk,
      edit
      The
      Cadre
      from
     
     
      the
      offices
      that
      will
      look
      out
      over
     
     
      the
      performance
      space,
      like
      a
     
     
      Skybox,
      or
      if
      not
      you
      can
      just
      get
     
     
      loaded
      and
      try
      to
      dance.
      It
      also
     
     
      seems
      to
      me
      that
      the
      two
      story
     
     
      vestibule
      type
      thing
      will
      be
      of
      great
     
     
      popularity
      for
      the
      students
      of
      the
     
     
      future,
      I
      am
      worried,
      though,
     
     
      where
      they
      will
      park
      their
      flying
     
     
      cars.
      So,
      no
      don’t
      be
      sad,
      and
      I
      def-
     
     
      initely
      like
      the
      student
      centre
     
     
      design,
      Dirk.
      Dirk,
      if
      that
      is
      your
     
     
      real
      name,
      you
      should
      go
      see
      what
     
     
      is
      on
      television,calm
      down.
     
     
      -Ed