_ _."_='1-1-'»=°=-'firwirisiw-cfm. ' <____"rHs_'-csonwifrnrowu GsA1V=pr;.o1___V _ _  "cy   f
...f
'Rolifh en the Profoner,
‘The -mid-mannerea old gentle.
msn who was staying with Mm,
Slitiikins was sr geologist, and when
one morning his lnn<iiady's little son
l.ni'orm_ed him that there was g,
queer bid stone in cl neighboring
field. he was in high glee,
“Como along ond show it to me,"
he said, rnakim: his way t th
“I-I-I nln't; got time,0glr_?. 33563
the boy. and he began it hiuity re.
treot.
There were cattle in the held, but
the professor took no notice of them
u_iltilV el terrible roar attracted his
gfhhtion. and he sow it fierce bull
advancing to greet him. It was o.
Hear illillg. but the professor won by
va. trouser-button. .On the other side
Uf W0 hilfiss he was surprised to
see the liindindy`s son. _
fjvoo little i~iiriii.»ini~ shouted tho'
Professor. “I believe you sent me
into that field purposely. I expect,
yall wanted to see me killed."
dm§0f I didn ti Hifi it was mother
::Wh&t? gasped the professor.
S_h€ card al. dog 'owling outsidq
our ouse last night, an’ as lt means
f'l:ere'll be o, death soon, mother
tiiought lt wus only right to try und-
'nve it out of the family."
“\\’hut color 1-yes d’ye like host,
iiilly'."'
“_(iice! 1 ihuinn. VVha»t color are
your-ii supposed to bo?"
_ A _ulerllcui professor wrote on the
blucliiioord in his laboratory:
“I-‘rolfessor Wilson `informs his
students that he has this day been
iippolntod honorary physician to His
Majesty the King."
in the course of the morning he
had occasion to leilvc the room, and
founil on ‘hgis return 'that some will;
had :iililoil to the iiniiuncement the
wi-rils: “God Save the King."
-"i‘llo judge ot it 'i‘i.-Kas county was
al.-,'ii cctslilier of the town bank. Ono
ii.iy ii stranger pri-sented il chcquo
for pziynli-lit, find his cvidi-noe of
idi_iiill`ioiilioli was not siitisfilctiwy.
"Why, ji1d;:c_" said thc man, “I'\'0
kiiolvu you io si-ntcnco mon io
prlson oil no licttci' o\'lilellcc than
luis! '
"'i`hat may lic true." replied thi-
_liidgt-, “but when it comes to lmnil-
iili; out cold cash wo have to lic
iiilglity careful,”
It was the dinner of the Puddlcton
\Vundoi'ers' Footbull Club, und thi-
iiotiii- hud bcr-n round three timi.-s;
thi- Jokes were flying fast and furl-
UUS.
"lf it takes ii fooliiall tc-am nt dill-
ncr hull' ilu hour to out it hum. il0\‘f'
lung will it tolic ihi-m to cat ii ham-
iriiir'."‘ iisltcil thc lilllky but resoiircc-
ful ceiliri--i`or\vurd.
"Tliut," promptly answered tho
smart little outsiilc-l'l_i:lli., "depends
wilethrr thoy are professioiials oi*
'nnlxnor-chi-wore.” '
Mr. Arih`ur Roberts. thC fHm0“5
comcdlitll, ollcc il\'crt»_-il :i lliinlc in il
thr-ili.re by il timely Jokv. Si1_Y1\l‘
‘gi;¢-llnry hail caught fire,' ilnd thc
smoll of burning :ilormcil the nu-
diiince so much that il panic seemed
lmminont. Ai this moment Mr. Ro-
berts nppt-:ii'oil at the fontllghts and
niiilrosili-il thi- spi-ctlitors. L\§_Slll`ii\K
t-hum thorn was no dillil-T95 I EWG
_you my will-il 'lf honor tiiere is H0
il:inil'er!" hr- said.
_ Still the audience did not seem at
'nil ciinvlnci-rl. wllicll/it-il thc actor to
- exolulill:
"Lnil_l¢-s ilnil gr-ntli-mon, confound
_“_lt_ nil. do you imiigliie____if there was
ony danger l’d ln- lu-ri-_ _
» Experience. __
"Q oil i-.luim the world is round.
sne;l‘)oii the skeptic. “How do YOU
i 1 it i. not srl\1f\r<f?"
kqvliwecllillnsi- I have hnil too mnny
in-_iuiiins with li." irrimlib :exiled
Columbus.-»-Florirln Times- H0 -
1 truly de-
l l -l eilrti-il nm
Vx; s¢2`\¥n_€r; prciicher. who tim:
tasted' but few of tho drinks _o _ __
world, took dinner with il hi? -n‘_l__k
eu tammy' when n mrlnsiznnby ouch
pilpoh was quietly set o _“__” -_ms
Plate. in silence :ind hdnrr at-ted ms
new vicar of Wiikefie_;_ qu
goggt, sod thc-n odds __ thank
.4
uhm, y_ou shoiiiri da__Y
Go for soo il sf-od ¢°W-
.» _,___-
of n
wired to
in it
pro-
town
nppear:
rehear-
o'clock
yoilr
the ful -
He will
MQ(-
_ii
. ~
Sorry H0 Bpokg.
An athletic pedestrian was re-
tuming home late one night when
on evil-looking tramp accosted him,
asking what the time migm he,
The sedesti-ion. feeling certain
that the fellow had iloaigng on his
Wlltch. didliot hesitate. but deliver-
ed a stinging blow on the mi1n's
face, excisiming as he did suz-
‘It has struck one."
The mon douhli.-d himself up. und.
nursing his battered nose in botih
»- 
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*~&"|*‘.*.‘\
_ -
if.
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" ,i`
` ,i \‘l 
‘ f - ~ .
$5
s_
“What a luck th‘ f - 1 _,il 'gn
dldn't ask him ltlhe lxixlgle olanmliour =_"l""  -I'1’?""I-'ri
u~ _ ..», r
_- ~ 49'. /:T /
Ai The Concert.
A concert was given by some
amateur musicians tho other even-
ing. It was largely attended by tho " > 4  ‘ l, _| I 1' _
i ' _ - - l, '| _
general p\ibi1c. Ono young lady be-` _
1,-_ /- .'».j-- '- _ rv- 'L'
Y-ffl' if __ V 'fl
  I i4.i, ii_
i lui i|Ii‘.|'i
I` HE
f- » ---~' _ The Power of Language.
“V
Y
\`\
\ \\
vm
._
`\
"You doi\'i. wiiril your ztiivloc prop-
erly," said thi- olil iiocior, "’1‘¢li her
_,_ ..,_ - /~‘ _ f ;»  __ - - __
, __/5:/(i?T(;!/f__},f,~' ’   _ "I ului't get thot woman to 'tukc
"'. 5;?//Vf' ._'_f_/_.V4 _'_ (_ .._,»___.' ,f ':§'__;_ ._/// any fri-sh u_l1'," compluiileil the young
_ 5'/  ____ _ _ _:_ _ '_'-'_£,_.'_i_ _  Piiysicizin.
' ' ' - < ' r 
~ J
to perilmhuleiti- ii ill iii the park,
i lkilig copiillls lililuliitioliri of ozone.”
_ / _ _ _ _ _ _ :_ 
‘ ‘- - --\Vu_~slllili.:t<~." Ili-riilil. \
i / _
-~ \_.~_i -_  :_ _ __V_ I __ .I _ __.__i¢'i_" _ ssiuliti i tl iii
hands. ml.ir1lli1I'2d'-  "  M - ' ' ‘ ‘i_ "  _  Fi '7  "l{ii\\' will you no iliioiil il?"
 i  _‘_ '*'/ '
_/fs V »_
.,-
-; _ \ `j»
..=_._°";
-- rar "
`__ ` _.__~'.5¢_- ~ ‘
_ -_ ”  _ ‘ l
Tl; f°"Ecr; ."""i .'1-
M A _ ` wi" "‘.‘°:-¢- i.
_ . -' -.és--_"'_` -`
m_\\_si- _ \
, ' ._ _~_\\.
" :T
” ~  -_ if
. iw
i_» "
_ < i __ ‘_ _  _ _
l0l1Eil1K to one of the ilrst families, l {-If-.  _ . -I J \
wii_h_ ri. large-slzcd mouth, sung a I ' '"7'-_li_ ' "  ‘ “_ ` ' ’ _ l .
--l
selection from on Italian opera.
'_-' i___ _|i
____-_¢-____-_  __ _ ‘_ _ _'~_._ ____ .51 ~f,_§i_y_~ V_ _ _  _ _ __ __ _
 __-___i_l_ \_V _,__:-'_ _v ‘.- riffii ' J/ if __ -' 74 Inconsistent Noise Fighter.
_ ‘*_.__\__\ ._3\_ji_‘_\l 3,1 !»_.';;   .1;_'» I __ ~,'¢'_ i ~__"'1_` iii 1  6 "i‘nl fs-'iii:i_-.: to sin;-i nn .\ilii Noisr
" -'  -’ " ‘ ‘» `   ~ iv" ~i=l~"-iivfr. "1 A.. -i ini," still ir .iii.
- ,if ‘ " ' \` ‘ ¢‘ , 1 "\\' _ - iii-il illiiii.; is lu ,ii iiii-
i-|' thi `i'.' '   I
liiiiilli- i_iti-:~--si, i li.i\'i» iilri-ii_iy oil-
lgzigf-il ll lli` 'ii i_!-l.-‘~:l _-‘|»i~:ii<»-rs :lull :i
l>i'a.~_s bailil." .\':is!lli::_;loil Star.
Tiilcncotl.
' "\Vh;\t iii-1-;;il:u oi’ that iil‘l_L7ilial
"/ \VilSull m:iZi lil _\iiiii' iii-l;:illio:‘l|i_.iiil'I
if ii ' i li . if l' y
\Vi> il ut li -1 ‘ :lllyihlli ii liilli _'iii
moi-o."
“_\'o; lii»'s vi-r_v iiiill ili.\\-iiil_ly:i_ iii-
lisl-ii-ll ii !'_li_'ifi' of l'i'~»sl-l-»:ll \Viisi|ll
,|_ _ i :ini hzlsift ilir-ii io sp-_-:lk sliico."~~
lit-'irolt i-‘ri-o l'i'i-_~1_~4.
whitrih _wits voclferously applauded, If '~ i '
Pill' CU ui' y by u stranger in one of " "" -
the front seitts. Turniil to his - . .. . . i ._ Tw° Sort' °_f op°"°i',°""
neighbm,_ Wnh whnm hg was not _ _ __ A \v())lr\i\'S Ql-lbb'| ION. _ _i si-c _t_l_i--_v liitci- iil*i<i';i.i»ii on il
m.qun¢nted_ the stmngm, sm_d__ (_-ashler. I cn.n_n_ot cash this cheque, Mailnlli. i l_iiiail_i-l|_ilii_-I -_-oi H iii-:Ii __ li_i_ orili-i' to
“What beautiful teeth that young she: "why mn", ~‘ m`.l!(."‘ _" Whip' "0"" "l hfm'
litily has!" Cashier: “'l‘hc|-e isu't enough lu-rc to :noel ii.‘ ill ii isnt wlii-i-i~ lily il-_iil iisi-il to
olit-l‘ati- ilu llii- iii ili:il<<- ll in-iii-i' lilly
“i'm glad to hcnr yon shy g0_ 1; She: “Then i'uu‘t you illcet it hui
is_::\_ll_igh compliment to me."
‘ i. vou are tile oun' it 's
fiilthcr. You hflvc indcgil a sdhaliniliilig nvvhen we were nm"'i°d'" Summa
dli\iglitci‘." the young-wife. “hc said lle inveil
 Il_f1. 1_1: not 'ner father." mc with u lovc more enduring than
_r lro or.” _ ,_
"No. I am no relation i _  this Pvcrmstmg. gl-un\."."?`
hut I'in the iii-iltist who rl.‘\`c}:i"t£ilo:<l s`r,',A?gi\§,tt|`.]“1lI.l| g, ,ITSM queued uw
ii-ctil you :ldmirc so much. I only yi-‘jf I.-1 LMI'  'th_ _ . .H-,_
0hfl1‘l!0fl iiv-‘_ ;_'iilne_-:ls for them but _'ls ‘ _‘L mf( -- L wu»n[" “ "
they have not ip- fd t 1 dryliilr, lu-i mais. it fliilut last mi
‘ LL" pu" “F Wt' loiig ns tl wood pzlvi-mc-iltl”
Johnny used to any his pmyrrs “If you r_l\<lil't *ako so much iii-
0\'¢“l'Y flight iiiiii "Sli fm' Yi ill-U9 iliiill’ icrcst ill horses you would be bt-tt(-i'
brother. llut for it long ti-mc no off," gnappild Mrs. Growlcr. “You
baby brother came along, and ull inive had horses on your brnln all
lust hc stopped praying for one. your life.”
soon lifter this his mother heoiime "I sul>iws<> that is how I hclirenod
ill. ond the nurse tc-_-k Johnny in to to marry it nog." retorted Mr, Grow-
sce her. She showed him twins. ler, his fvico anlbtlscndcd bt-hind tho
.lo_h_nny looked ut them at while and SD0l'lini»! l>fllJ0l`~
sazi :--- -
“It's lucky I stopped praying when "Yrs," sold tho lneek-looking
I did!" man, “1'\'c no doubt you'vc had
A Lancslsiiirc msn. wilo had iii-_ou mimo “rout hummg.. experiences in
fm. n mul, ruund tho world _“ms your tl~il\'t»l:`§ al»ri>.i_ll.
much annoyed \vi'_!l it rrport of his .,I~ m.w(` mdwd'_ .,
rcturn which appeared ill it loonl ..‘§"n.;,n“'h‘l"ung‘l
pilpi-r. This roliort ended:- ~ _,Epi _,
“F-liis nilnici-ous frli-lids ziro sur- ..'A\"'| h'Mr`].lU“t5n"‘V_“
prisoii that hc is iinllonged.” HU? c°“"""'
He did ii-it know thin. thc ofi‘L-ild- “OIL 'VUu,'“"“ mm" rouml "ml
or was the i-onlposltoi-_ who. in set- let my Wm’ "ik" yml h"“”'.°'h“m‘
“ng up thu x_0pm,t_ had omitted __ ini: :uid _liai-i.;‘;lill-liiiliiing with hor.
hmm, ..c_.. “ms suhsmuung me Wum 'ilii_il you ll _il(_-_gln to .mow whut ri-:il
“nnliiln;:o<l" for "uni:hain;_'cd." which m`u`t0ment "S‘ ' _
the ri-portcr had written. ` .
It was i’rlviitc Smitlrs (whoiw if -5-lib.. 
nuinber -was 254) first church ' ‘ I' ,3"1"" - """'_'~//I 
parade. und. having done ti good deal _ < i I __ _‘_ ____V_/ _ v
of marching, he wus naturally feel- ,__ \ /7 _'7_ _-'il
ing the effects-of it during the ser- _S-5`-_\'_ ""’   y].`fjV`* .4
/-/~ r. _- ' _
vice. He had not been in church __ _V ___
' /" ".,”'f_i§‘/5<1;>1' 
5.2"" £45)
5'? "";f&-sl]
_»;
sg#
i ’q_ffs~
'lt
_  '/ fr-*“
loni.; when thc reverend gcntlcrniiii _ _ _ V 
announced the hymn-' _ ` `_-'I-__  " _  . . _;~i.L'
"Number 254. ‘Art thou weary. _.lv  `°`““"  _
_ - if
\§.
i
1-_aaa-.__, . 'I-
_A§;V ._
tirt thou languid?' " _l  __ 5.. "li'
Private Smith shdiltcd with it loud ri! '_i¢’_‘_-fr " '  if
voice: _ !",=’»" _ _ ` - .-
“Not ’urf!"  ”° _ ‘ V  if
""_`  f" if _ " 7';
In :i recent hook Mllc. van Vorst  _  ,I _ .5
tells zl story of ii dinner at Chiculgo ./'_ .Vjjf - - _~ f:5f_§
given by the iinlbltlous wife of ii 'f  _ _ il II  i
inilllorlaiix-_ titnner. The lady noticed, yi'//'__'-_._  -_-___ __-_
tii hi-r oiilloyaiice. tllni. hi-r llushaiiil ff//_' ‘l ”’.°"  "_§__¢:‘_
did not slit-all ii word to their smart ,__/L: ig-= I ._" _ _ 
gui-sts, auii wili-ii silo izot an oppor- "" _  "~»==ct"~;--»____‘_j__'-__f_-V__
wf}liii`hiib`]<i..iilil"§7il.)i‘il `ifiii1"iWm` Hull luslrr vlsrr.
- ..Whm-S mi. gnorl',”' replied iilo Et-hel (noting with llorrortllc sow-
tanuer. coin(-illptuoiisiy_ "Th<-ro ai1i’L (lust on the iloor)__.\lulnnia, does he
om- of 'em as knows ii tiling about |,ut,_.he,- (|0||S-_>
leather." __  #
I.o~'fl .»\l\'ci'stone‘s gilt of sniigiius lluslluild (thc father oi' six dangli-
sont the tourist on ills track. 'l‘li»cl'i‘ ters): “Clinic l‘.c-isa. there is a
lg li lllilry that om- Sunday all .-\ni- gciitlt-mail in the di-awillg-room who
1-riiiull lildy .fittendcd thc morning waiits to inarry one of our iliiiigli-
si-l'\'lce :it SL Mary .-\lillott's_ Kell- ti:i's. llc is :l wine lui-i'cliunt."
sington, rind usked thi- vergr-r \Vlfc: “A wills- llli-i_'cllilnt'_’ lli-:lyoil
f ‘ liirlsii-'rs lu tho chrlii- bc- prulsst-il! 'l`li<--i llc \\'l‘I llc suri- to
which o .hc cl _
col wils thc 1.oi'rl Cllli-f Jlisilci-_ so.-it-ct one _lf the iilili-r l>railds_’
" _ l nl." re-illl-il that illgjiil- -i*
tilrxnliiliiliuis tho ('11.-hr. und th!-nl's Workétl fl10_0il1er Way-
ihi-* ciiratcs. mid l'm thc \‘crg'cr; A \'i-i'_v olil ii-islllllilu one iluy
but as for the choir-as long as thi-y ole-tiliiisllvd' :i frionil ily :lnilo\liic_lli;€
‘mes {_l“>||- (Ingles wc ilon‘t lnrluiro that hi- w,iis iilioilt to get iiizirrli-d.
" “‘Vl' “l ill"  "' init-l his i`i'ii:il<l.
into their hantecr-dc-nts. A -ill 1' \‘--\ i
._.__ "An old miln like you!" -
Too Practical. “\Vi-ll, you st-1-." thi- oiil man ox-
.»\merl<'ii_ thanks to tin- immortal plallioil. "ii.'_~i jii:~it llociiusc l’m gri-
Wright lil-others. lxarc fll'lni_: to thi- till' on oultl blioy now. "l`l:_; il fuliii-
world; but France luis now form-il thing, Pat. io ll-_ivc it wifi- lit-ar yo
ahead of Amcricit in _fl_\‘inl;. thc to close tllo i-yi.-s of y-_- \vll.n yi-
rezison being that Ainericzi capital como to the ond.”
and American energy will only busy “Ari‘ah, now, yo mild fiilo,” ex-
themselves with things that lilly. claimed Pnl, "don‘t he so foolish!
Apropos of Amerlcll's present sor- What do ye know about it? Close
ry _place in tho world oi' flying ond yer eyes, iiuiudo! I‘vc liiid it cou-lilo
its cause, Thomas A. Edison uttered o' thim, nii', fulthl they both of
in New York the following cplgrnmt thim opened mln-oi"-Pittsburgih
"Wo don't fly well hi-reibecsusc Chronicili-Telegraph.
wo have too many prnctlcnl men. _ ._
Practical men, you know, Iiiugh nt A visitor to a stately nncestml
l ers of todily while home was boing sho n round by an
ne
iiiiy lgiglw 5-)ic)h from carrying on the _ old retainer. He pinned before a
work of the poor pioneers of yester- picture.
i’ \vay‘."' i
Muiic and Meals.
"l kliii\v," sill.l ilu- ri-siaiui':t\t~lii'_
“that ii grunt lllauy poiilili- iilili-iii io
mu.-iii: willlo they uri- iliiiliig; but
llicrii ari-‘at gl‘t~:il lilaiiy otlii.-l'.~i \\'llii
like ii. i illlilll_ nt any i-ali-_ lilat lili-
muriil i-i’l`i.-l:t i»i` iiiiisii: is giioil. l<`iii'
llisiuliiri-, it l;l\'i.-s :iii itliiliispili-iw ot'
1`i'li-ililii-.ss---l iliiglit i-\'i-ii say ii-ii-
ili-i‘lli-_ss to i-\'i-i'ylliiiii;'."
tloilill" snlil iillliliis. “’i‘r~llili-rlli-sei
is gooil. 1 wish yi»u'd ask your or-
chestra lt-:iilt-r Lo try ll few bars oil
this steak, will you?"
Cause and Effect.
I" woiider wily lt is,," said llililzld,
"thot so many of those socltll lights
look so like illonki>ys."
"I fancy," said Cylliciis, “thot it is
because they ure such good climb-
ers."
Wonderful.
"i\iinil. roaili'ng'? Nonsc-nsc~!" sold
Ililwkiils colliieillptiiiiiisly. “.\loilllng
in li! l'll give yon ti-_ll dollars, .lini-
nlt-rson, if yiiu'll ri-:lil my inlud ril.:iiL
now. \Vh1it alll l ili‘lllklnl;'?"
“VVliy," said .liilillli~re-lim. f-ylul:
Iliiwkllls kc-only, “you are tlllilklul:
iiizlt iilinil ri-zlillm: is pi‘l'f<~ct lion-
st-usi-_ that iii:-rr is iiiisiilliii-ly ilotli-
lut: lu it. allil that ilu-l-i-lore your ti-ii
iliillzirs uri- pi-l"i'i-oily still-."
“ily .iilri-l" f-rii-ii ililwkins, paylllg
up llki- :i iw.-ilili-illiii:_ “'l‘liat‘s wou-
<lol't`iil, Jlillilii-rsiinl You got it ox-
:u-ily. lim-.' thc lllc-kr-_iis do you do
li.'."' .,
All Economist. _
".\In\v_ look iii-ro, my l‘an_" said
the |>llil:iiltlll'oplst to ll lriiinp_
“ills-rc is no list- ni’ :til ill-le-liodioil
fellow like you pnsslnl.; his days ln
iillc-ness. (`Toini_- in my office and l'll
iglvo-_voii work."
"'l‘iianl< you slr." szliil VV(-ilry; "lint
I'm afraid I c:in’t como. i’m tryin’
til koi-li my lnconlc- down under four
thousunxl, so's I can save the incomc-
tux."
- The Wise Physician.
"My iidvlco io _vnu sir." szlld thi-
physiclan, :is ht- diiizrnosr-ii tho cas(-_
lai' thc dysp0pi.ic_ “is to chililgi- your
hotel. Go over to tho ilcrrlnrrdalc
and ll\'c for iiwlilic."
“\Vhy, d-octor." said tllr pat-it-nt.
“the food at the Derriilgdule-_ isn't
any liettor than that at the Merrlng-
ton!"
"I knnw‘that," said the physician;
“lint the l`it-rrlnl.:da|e is run on the
Eurolieiin plan, and you hzflve to pay
for whilt you cnt there, slr."
oi’ ini-."~» llolistiiii l'usi_
Good Business.
Airs. ltlf-li-»-“\Vii_v do you pay _vour
maiil Sui-ll iiwfiilly high \vi\i;'i-i-'_'
.\‘lr.~4_ lliixii- "Kill, it pays ill lilo
long run. Shi- lil-vi-r brl-alcs illusi-
l-xpi-ii_-al\'i- \'.i:u-s :iiiy iniiri-_ fn-i` i'i~a|'
wi- will i:ili'i- ll out iii thi- i-iid of thi-
ulouill,» liilsion 'l`l'ililsi-rlpt.

°`<`L_ /

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`\
-_¢__,J
_\iu;:_i~ii'ii1i-: “You are 1-liall-gi-tl with in-ling; drunk und disorderly; Wlml
is yiiiii l\ililii~'."'
(`ullil-ii: “.".ii_"_l:_-s .\li~\'ii~ol .\l¢'Y\`iihil
.\lzi',',’i~iiiiii’: “l|‘iil--l \\`ili| |uiiil fm' your l|ql|or'I"
His View.
“im you bc-lli-\'i- that womi-n
iiugiii ii. \'i»ii-_'
“Still-I .\.'iii_ \\'li;i"'~i rlloiw-_ l Iiliult
ini-il iiu;.',llt ii., ii.ii."- iii-lriilt Fri-c
l'i'i-.~:.<i_
Sweet.
lliliiii llow llliiii_\' liiliips of sugar
5-liiill l liiii iii _viiur i'ofi'i-i-‘.'
i"i-ailk -i>li_ llari- _lou min swi-oi
\'.'il_\'. :ls iisu:ll_ il--:ii‘.  i'o'ilif~.';l
Siiiii-_siil:iii_
The Automobile M'n Dines.
“\V:liii-r, l iloil'l \\'.int this iilio-_-si-_"
“_\ii_vlllin;¢ wroil-,:_ sir?"
"Irs loo .ilil_ |la\'i-ii'i you got _'lily
of ilu- lirlfl ilii>ili_-l'_"’ -~ Yonkers
.Sizili-silliill.
Beats the Sewing Circle.
Jealousy.
i
"» "ls vi-iillu }.i'.<_ .\iiiili;i- _ic-~.ilo\is'."'
.siioiil-l s_i\' so. _.ilu-_ will hai'-ily
 .- - - _ _-/__ » _ ‘I
 i /'I'///""1  l‘_-t hi-i' lllisinlliil ilsiz ilu- iirli-pililll\_-_
i
g__ *sp 
~» -'_- ~.
" ii f Gibbs l i-all'i for the life of me
,' sei- wily \\'i»ii\i-ii arc taking such :in
/ '_`_ iiiti»ri~si i:i politics.
-5 / ' '-- " V- llllilis I trail, \\'l|i-il i ihillii of illi-
f polliit-iii si-nnilals. -- Spriiii;l’ll»lil
“_ ,_ l_'iiioii_
/ _ 
\ _
I  \_ ' f  __ __ _ Ons Drowhaci<._ _ _
I atm* _ ._  ___ .`_`_ __ i_ll_l __\i.<~ l_.i-L i_i_ii_ |l_u_ol us mono;
_} - ~,,,-.- i /:_-il../_,_ '_ \\ltll il.ii» liiol»ii.si_loli_
/ "-/_  "Just -il~_c tnltlli; vziliily l'rt\ni n
~ ff f///'"4' m`l!i\V'|l i ii i i 'i \ iii
,,`_ ____,, '_--_ ,‘ __ " i-ili'l ‘iw in ii mio, _- li >y
- yw  i_»ili i_i__ |iu_t\: _:ill _-_<__<  __ _iiil}il;;ii_<ii_lli
  " " low _ .ou _~'.\'i i- oi 'ir'-.ii ii _
-_ _W///__ <;-ii. -~ 
~ _ ' '."` 1' '-1/-i
1’ 1 -“ _ 
_Jil ` _
-i J/ \
i ` /// \\ i
lit-i-:iil.~‘:~ slii- illlilks lli-_\‘iU. i_`cnii‘;\i.
_  siiililils so i\t'f-liallil null f:iln‘illui'_"---
 _ » \ \\/:islllil;;toil Star. _ »~ ` `
‘i `t_\_  ._ _
_ \ ‘ Certainly.
\ ° _ “ What dons auto - sliggastltill
9 mi-.iii'." iisllrd i_i_iiiks.
“'l`llat's when your wife bi-gills lo
flgurt- out |lo~w min-ll you woulii sure
_ ` f in irai'-Faro ii` you had your own nia-
‘ <'hirii~," ri-plii-il _llnl<s.- -Cllli.-iunati
Iiniliiirt-1'. _
- . .. ii - - _ _
lliezmizttliiuitp .iii|¢IM:iil'(;‘x-\/ill gllgntiffili Q" uw Midway'
` I ,, n i °' ' “\\'c had to _let our gloss enter
-cuts In the train today
. ' ir -
lluile ;\_Ian: “\\iis there then ronin cf-wlmt w,,,,. ii,,_ ,,,,,m.,~;---
for you 'i’
Easy.
Knickt-r~llo\v ilo you remember to
wiiti-i' thc plunis wlloii your wife ls
iuvay?
Booker--I keep 'em in the biltli-
tub,-.\'e\\' York Sun.
In the She Class.
Jock-I. st-c by this palpor that ii
shi[i'.~a lift-_ is i_\\'i-lily-i'l\'o yours.
Jon----Well. you lcilow, thc other
“shi-s" never go iiryouil twt-nty-elglii
5,,ml.1,_,_l_y V-_-_.l liliil to sign the
pli-ilgi-. iinil iii- c ii so stuck up hc
W,,u|_ln'l ,»ii aii_\.`iiiii:; but mineral-
Wtiti-r liotili-.<." lu-ii-.iii l~`rel-_ Press.
Thi: stlw-il-i_-l=:’lii i' li-ctiiri--‘ was
“-_l,_ln|_» \-i-|»_\- .¢l.ii|iii-ill on tho s.lci:|l
iiroiili-lil, iiilil lui .l iiliilii-l' of oluvidli-
tion lit- :ti-ski-il NS 1\liiil\'iil`i"3~'
--if yiiii saw ii l.i»i~rl_v _=r'=i\t!L‘m-iii.
drnsgi-il lil ilu- clotlli-s lllat' you
< i _
lvoiilu-_il for, i=i_<_‘l’l\lnL! fi"li\\ t.\~- nioiflr-
i-or tllzli was proiiliccil li_\‘ _\'_i:il- liil»<ii'.
ailil silloklili; an l-`_i_;_v|iil.lil cigarct
- ' -iulii lu- sill~l\‘;n:r, \vh.ii.
_ iii.it you ii
years.--Yonkers S tatf.snlun_
__ _f  ..¢_. __.__*s
oilizllt you to Sli' i0 lliiii'-7'
'l‘lli»l-i- was sill-noi- for il nionleni.
illlil iliieli thi- pllilnig volt-v ui' ai lciil
at thi- buck oi' t‘|i- 1-i'owil i‘\‘liii0¢13"“
, ' /ii "1.-i‘°4~;-fir' _  "llavc yu ony 1:l_uai'i‘t l\l.:liii'i¢9?’°
' - 1.- -_ /- ‘~/~ i. f ,/_
_ .'/1 __ ~" ku '-3_g____'- /19 _ M. _ -
' '-¢_¢§‘f-/_f::-1~T`_Il~' r vi  fi. ‘\ was in thi: i_'oiilini~;'i-in!-i‘iii.iil
. ‘/»_»~zf.-- s  -2 lf. ,. /_~ on li il '
,_ _-V__ 115;; ` _, .»._..,_,,_"-»  ,X -_$1 _i _ »'_` '~- ~\""-1* ‘ _ 5 and ihi- talk hiiil iui'_ni-il io ll;-il*-i.
'l _ "  .»‘f' ' , /_ "'_€<‘ _ 'l _»` " _if/`._"f _- _ "  ~ Al: '"1'-iililiiir _<_-f bins' i~~l\\_\\'\_<<~<i thi;
l -_ -_/ ,'» _ / ' _ ” j_i tg i5_ V~ -_.i/_f,_...;_-_ `¢  _ M _.\in<-i-lc.iil, ri-minds mi- of .ln oi
_'.- i. ' _.L  "V '_ _' '_,l Ll Y _ 's ,f _‘»~`i _   - lm" my ilitil once liaii oil thi-_ farm out
-.` "/ .I _'lf '////Q” 5""  '?°""' / J 'V  liiikotii. Sho woiilil ilaii-ii out
 /’ -'y' ~_  ` l   ailyiliiillr from il tt-nnls-liiill in ii
,;.__ 5:14/ f ,_/~ i_ `1%'.\ _ $ /'-1' it-inon. \\'lly, iilli- ilily sho shit on .i
" nf " , liliwd of ici- and hatched out two
/i . g
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er
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xi ‘ _
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1' {f_»’_'{f_':;:/_ ___ 4( 
. . _,.,.
quarts of hot wilii-r."
"Thai iloi\i\n't <-iinlr up io :i cliiil-
fiiotoil hi-ll lily olil iliotlicr ont:-~ had."
rolllarlli-il lilo lrlsllinun. "’1`hi~y hilil
bi-i-ii i'i-i-illllg iii-i' by mlstaki- on _\»'iw-
iliist ilisti-nil oi’ oatmeal. Woli. sor.
slit- liiiil lvl-i-ive <-uns. and H-it oil
illlin_ and \\'li<-il they ililtr‘li<-il, li<"~'~li'-
ru, i-li-vi-n of ilu- cllioltvlis ilaiil \\'o-,\ii-
i-ii liil:_~= iiilil thi- twi-lftli wus _\ wooll-
_,._  ,' -_i _ _- _ |ii-l-lu-l'i
‘gif ‘”*` v"‘(;' I f impossibility.
'I /,- li 
ga
I
/ri
r
\'o miill L in si ivi- twii nulstcrs.
"»' -' " .i __ _ _ -'
.Z/-~~~,_ / ' - ' ~
- l r il who was
oiii~-i\<--l till- giuii lm so
’ AGW/ \' i- tiiil: lil pi illti-ilti il.\
il' I  *_ _L ‘_'\ F '/ ' | ‘ i_'Yi` i- - .' 
-'   ' --i ioiiiw ii." .-i.,»ii.>il i'..ni-ioi isis.
' ' ~ I r li lnly_"--- Cin-
` nnsr /Asn cuiisouz ` ' '
"I'ill iii hi-lo o »_i,ri
cii.niiti l-Dill llircr
‘ Ex““mte!" he exclaimed' mp' "Why not go for your holiday where we went last. year? lt‘s A glorious 'rff'-"W ‘» “"f`='“ ' "” “" ‘A ' '-""1-'ff -
` dw" ‘___ iiii-iiiiiii_v_ "Thin most he on old
I Society Hollow? muster.
Stuyvesant Fish‘s beautiful Newport "'tiiin‘t on old muster-it’s im old
residence, the hostess said: _ - mlssus!"
"Yes the nouveaux riches spend --
enormous sums in their effort to _ "I cannot winderstand why my
enter New York society. second husband is so festidious."
"They come from Oshkosh, Kala- confessed il. Glasgow lady to her
mazqo, the ends of the enrth. They bosomV friend. "Ho scarcely cats
id hit nieces in Fifth-/iwenue, anything. 'ily ilrst husband. who
bul W e D _ - ' - ~
overlooking the pitrk. Then the died, used to eat everything I cook-
biittie begins--the battle thot is to ed for him.
conquer society. V "Did you toll your present hus-
"They don't care what they spend-_ band thnt'."' `
Such concerts as they gl-_lie after din- "Yes,"
ner! Cnruso, Yimye, ary Gnrden. “'l‘hat's the ronson!"
Fiirrar-notlllnK is wo sl-md for _°-"i"
Caused A Frost.
th§€ln‘li'iere’s it story about one of these "Whitt caused the coolnels bo-
nouveiiux rich families. The dough- tween you iinii that young doctor?
ter of the house, so the story goes. I thought you were 0l18‘£\8efl7"
gold to her _muitlmillion ire porin: "His writing in rather ilkgihie.
i. -on gather, how can ou soy that Ho sent._n\e il note for 1,000 kisses."
_New York society is hollow? "Weill _
"The om man gave ii loud coarse I thought it wus rl nrt-scriptlon
laugh and took it to be illlrn'-lndlann
...why ghouidn't I say that lie: Normal Advance.
et is hollow? he ore '.. -'-°-
 :?~3,ln[¢¥n‘t 1 oily it. eh? By Dldn't Wont to bo Loft Alone.
3ml».,,_ 8|,.|_ y,-,“»¢ ,gy it yourself if _"James, there'| il burglar down-
yoii hoo to piiy for the champagne mii-ri rm going for hop." __
it takes to fill the crowd at our ver- flwsit a. minute. I'il go with you.
mn Inman... ' -Ha.rpor'a Mannine.
.. plac . ' . __ _ _ _ __  _ _ ___V  ___ _ _
.itsiiingheon ot“Crf»=swayS."Mf=- “N°- Sir." the siiids 1'-Gr-lied: I   " _ ' “ ` ' ' `  1 ' _ “ - ,"--1,,-;_»,,"'__ ` ~ ` .
/ ‘ //g/_ 4.' /"/if Vkic-_:_ ` _ _,tn __
.//'J / _ ‘.1 '|"’_ i 
; 
Timely Aid. _ _
_-\n olo 1-oiori-d wmnun came into
:i \'Vil§slii2l|_"*_\il i‘i‘:il usliitc otiice ilu!
oilivr il:|y iiiifi wnri l'i-i.'og1liZeid ns ll.
tl-iiiiili of :l small iloueio thot had
hi-i-ollle illlii-ll l-iicliulici-ci in value
by ri-ihsoii iif ii iii-iv union stntion lh
tizilt |i<~li;'liiiol'ilooil_
“l.oi.li iii-i-if, .luiitif-, wc are going
to ralsi- your reili this month." the
iligoiit l'i-iliiirki-il briskly.
“‘lJi-vii, au' .»\h's gliui to hear dnt.
i~ii»_|l," lll~- olil \\'iiil'i:iii ri>|»iii~d, duck-
iiil: lu-i- lil-:lit piilitoly. "Mighty glad.
fo' sllu‘_ ciisi- .»\ di-s come lil hyah
tciwluy tr-r ti-`il yo' at- ilill All cuuidil't
i1l_l.~ii- lllt ills moiitli_"-~- Ii-l1rper's
Mugiizino.
Enicrpricing.
'l`lic lion(-si fririlli-r who took ln
suniilii-_r b<i:ll-iii-rs greeted the new
iii'rl\'als with truly rural enthusiasm.
“I uw-ilil, 1`ni right ilzown glud to
mimi yin" lil- <_‘i'i-_-il as lic cxlclldrd his
lioiily lliind. "lli.-o\v's th' folks to
liiiill?"
'l`hi- illiiil of ilu- party looked ut
illi~ imiiiiisiasi with some suspicion.
"l~':iinli-1'," lic said, "your dlulcct
siliingly ri-iniiid-i mt- of the stage
viii-li»i_\'.
'l`lii~ ag'rli-iiliiirist fgrlilnoil.
"li’s fill ii;;\ii. iln't it?" hi- asked.
“I mill- :lil :it-till' i'i-iii-r a lllnllth's\
liiuiril ini' iw U-i=:i\ it LU |112."-
(`ii»\'ol:li:vl l’lulll l)o;tl0i'.
--» V__ _v-.;‘ , -
.-fit,” 'ga -- ., __ gl.
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,,.g.-__._,:. _ .
iw ‘ V -L_, 
“You might let, nic have the car
i'or un hour. Uncle."
“All right, lily boy, you can have
it." f
“Anil I' say. can you let inc have
the price oi' n couple oi' ihies or so'."'
________...______-
Reckless Spangler.
siiliiit-ode~"lt coins nlo $25,000 a
your io live."
liiiss Cilustifiur---"IIow fool-lshly
some piiopii- spend their money!"-
I'iiili\dclphlii Rvcoril.
Weather Nota
A hoary liunvh of clouds passed
over lloi.:wallo'.v yesterday bouild
for il Sliiiilly-sch.-ol picnic in pro-
gi-oss l-lar Ryo Straw-Paducah
1~|i»g\\'all iw Kciitiickiiul.
i\lgy‘s Moths-r---"I' suppose yer
gitilil' il good thc, slr, for iitt.endlii‘
to ilu- rlizli Smith boy?"
Dfiotor---“\Vell, yes, I get A Sretty
gooil foo; but why are you asking?"
,\li;y's Mother---"Well, I 'ope yer
wiin't forgot tinlt my little Aigy
tliruw thi- brick ihiit ‘it 'lnii"
A nlliilstvr opened his Sunday
5(-hool clflss with thc well-known
lil-nm, “Little drops of--water. little
graini of Blind." In thi-_ middle of
thi- first vers-ic he stopped the sing-
ing nnil ieompliililoil strongly of the
half hi-iirti-il iliitnner ln which ii. was
rl-iiilorcil, lii- inilili- ii fresh start.
"Now, tlli-n." he shouted, "»'Ll].`tie
ilriips of il-liter.” and for goodness’
soltc put some spirit into iii"
____.Z_-|__l--
:.- “f_:.f'::":f:--';fz":-°'__ _ _._..______..»
° _ l
e 'I‘h h the -c are sim I --gorgeous” _ _ _ » ,_,__4,,_-__, ,__ __.,,._____.__;___.
One Lennon Learned.
"Now, Mamie," silid the teacher.
"which is the correct form-the dog
and the cnt is there, or the dog and
the cat ure there?"
"The dog and the cat is there."
said Mum-io.
Some Retort.
"You are in-Mins very hold, sir."
sold the biirher.
"You, yourself," retortod the cus-
tomer, "are not free from n number
of defects that 1 could mention if_ 1
--whniyii ¢|-led the tmchu-_ cared to become persons.l."--Louis-
--ygggumy Bald Mamlm ohccnuge villo Courier-Joilrniil.
sh there is slung, miritm, and nice _ - _
- Dil o ra in
little goyls don’t use it.' - Horace ___ ° U I G-
Dodd GEMM Success will come to any one who
____,.
The Wrong Huncll.
“Yesé_’_ he was saying, "ss il mat-
ter of ct, a mon ‘doen|i't learn what
happiness really is until he ll mor-
ried."
"I'm glad yoii‘ve discovered that
at last,” replied she. with vision! of
immediate proposal.
‘fYes," he continued: "sud when
ho‘s married li's too late_"--Bri1ok-
lyn Eagle.
Perfect.
"Binks appears to l-live riscn hiil
in the world."
“Yesl he is 'even above reproloh."
»-Buffalo Express. _
porscveres.”
"I don't know about tihat. I'\'c
been married for ten years now, and
my husband hrisn't liked anything
I've had for dinner yet."-Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The old gentle-mnn's ili’tr\r-iiinnr-r
nop had in-i-ii spoiled hy tho Gr-rmiin
blind nt thc cornor of the sir:-ct. nnii
when il biindsman knock:-ii nt his
door he we-nt himsr-lf, ilnil angrily
ilnnuunci'-ll that they would get noth-
ing out oi' him.
“You gli us nodlngs?" solll the
miisiciiin. "Achl den ve biny some
more!"
es ops . py /'__ __ /_ _____
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_<o¢»_~s,ssf mi-_
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Rolxinalii (to ills gruiiiliitther. the gen:-ral): “I don't know, 'V  ps,
but I reckon it‘s an swiuily lun-ii job to make up my mind WMI*
soldier like you or A sailor like old Peter Grigio!-
"it"l..
1|
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