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November 22, 1994

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By Trent Drake This Week: The Guyver!

Allow me to get something off my chest. I love overdone fight scenes, badly dubbed Japanese superhero movies, and giant transforming robots. What does this mean? Two things: First, Ill probably spend eternity in hell watching re-runs of MightyMorphin’ Power Rangers; and two, this isa lousy segue into this week’s review.

The Guyver is based on a decent Japanese superhero comic that became a bad direct-to-video cartoon series that transformed into a really horrible movie. The comic and

once... but that was before Star Wars...) looks incre and hung-over throughout the film. But the drumstic actor goes to the anonymous black Zoanoid: not on turn into a silly-looking, big-lipped reject from Gr also does rap numbers before beating people up. stereotypes, anyone?

Technical Stuff: Good fight scenes. The blue Guy a very cool-looking design; I dare you to find a superhero suit with more attitude. The transfor quences are disturbing (how would you like to be v

cartoon follow the adventures of Sho, a high school student, who becomes a victim of capricious plot devices and ends up as the Guyver, acool-looking superhero | § with powers that’d make Voltron cringe. And it’s lucky for him that he does, because the owners of the Guyver unit are giant, short-tempered alien monsters called Zoanoids. He fights them, blows up the corporation that made them, and lives happily ever after.

The movie, however, takes the original premise and trans- ports it two thousand miles across the Pacific to America. Our hero, Shawn, is a handsome, muscu- lar, All-American weenie. Al-

giant earthworms an | plates?), but are well i fun to watch. By co the rest of the special

I'd also like to m of the nice, disgustin;

| around like rejects fr Rangers, at least they | look at

Fans of the comi toons might bedisapp) this version of the het the Guyver is withoul sure cannon, fin lasef ity controls, and the¢ lar Shadow Guyver dot an appearance, Andii on that head fin: it!

most everyone either hates him or feels sorry for him. Even his karate teacher picks on him. But Shawn’s life is transformed for the worse when he investigates the mysterious death of his Japanese girlfriend’s scientist father. In the heat of night, at the scene of the crime, like a streak of light, he gets caught just in time!

As the Zoanoids close in, Shawn opens a freaky-looking lunchbox and gets an alien hubcap stuck to his forehead. This is the Guyver unit, an alien symbiote that takes Shawnas its host and turns him into a fin-headed, steam-blasting, seven-foot tall suit of walking blue death!

Things get ugly quick for the new hero on the block. Kronos, the corporation that found the Guyver unit, wants it back. They dispatch team after team of Zoanoid soldiers to capture Shawn. After a couple of good fight scenes, the aliens manage to rip out Shawn’s control medallion; this allows the alien suit to eat him alive. Shawn’s girl is kidnapped by Kronos as an afterthought.

But all is not lost! Shawn and the Guyver are recreated by the control medal, the bad guys reveal their plans, Mark Hamill turns into a cockroach and zam-powie! The credits roll.

Acting (or Lack Thereof): Horrible acting all the way around. Jack Armstrong (Shawn) is bad, Vivian Wu (the girlfriend) is whiny and annoying, and Mark Hamill (who had a career,

dency to wobble at inopportune times.

Stuff to Watch For: Fights. Transformation sequé Skywalker turning into a cockroach. Sentence frag! acting. Fun monsters. Poor grammar.

Stuff to Fast Forward Past: Any scene without af generally not worth the trouble of watching, thoug}! be careful near the end. If you go too fast, you miss bad guy giving away his plans. And beware the bla? my son, with claws that catch and lips that kiss! Tl about him is that he actually survives the movie!

Bottom Line: It’s horribly acted, pays no atte original story and has stupid jokes throughout. | 10! is a great way to fry a few brains cells and get a few? (though I don’t recommend watching it on any ki altering substance). If you’re interested in 2 ™ version of the character, try looking up the origina!’ Comic Hunter or the dubbed Guyver cartoon seri equally bad acting but a much cooler Guyver unit... Guyver, to boot!

Available at: Co-op Foods, Oak Tree Place. The#

available locally unless your friends are anime fast

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