Show. There’s evena ‘toon catnamed Whiskers on the force. And a climatic fight scene takes place on a rooftop fountain that seems to be made of gym mats and giant lego!

Scenes To Watch For: The best jokes in this movie (it’s supposed to be a comedy, for God's sake!) are the ones that break an ironclad rule of serious film-making: don’t mention the cliches. And while this is no Hot Shots! Part Deux, it does get off a few good ones. It also has some great action. Favourites in both categories: |: The “highly trained” Dobermans that guard Benedict's house.

2: Benedict’s ever-changing glass eye. And watch for a short scene where the camera pans over a few that he doesn’t get a chance to wear!

3: A complicated car chase, during which Danny enters the movie via dynamite, a henchman dies via frozen desserts anda whole lot of cars blow up via little provocation.

4: Danny tries to get Arnie to say a word.

5: Benedict harms exactly one hair on a girl's head.

6: A really big fight scene that results in the death of several hundred mobsters and a large helicopter gunship and ranges from the roof of a skyscraper toa construction crane to Jurassic Park (sort of).

7: Aridiculous game of chicken between a pink girl's bicycle and a car full of thugs.

8: Arnie does Jack Slater doing Hamlet: “To be or not to be... Not to be!” KABOOM!

And of course, numerous fun celebrity cameos and quite a few other action scenes and one-liners | just forgot to mention.

Scenes To Fast-foward Past: You'll have to use your own judgement on this. To miss the really depressing and\or lame parts of the movie, | recommend skipping the first twenty minutes or so, with only brief pauses for action scenes or cute bits of dialogue. You will know when the action begins. | also recommend that you miss the last twenty minutes as you wait for the final action sequence to begin. There are a few funny gags (Benedict kills a parking attendant to test his “reality” theory) but the rest is really depressing. Just wait until they go to the New York premiere of Jack Slater [Vand Jack meets the real Arnold, and you'll be okay.

Favourite Line: “I've just killed somebody. | did it ...On Purpose!”

Judgement: If | seem long-winded this week, it's with good reason: it’s hard to review Last Action Hero without being at least as long and confusing. The movie runs two hours and twenty minutes, and only about an hour and a half are necessary . It’s lots of good fun for People like me, who watch entirely too many movies like this anyway and recognize stupidity as a virtue. The rest of the population might Not get the joke and will hate the preachy Message. If you think you've killed enough brain cells to enjoy it, go ahead! Otherwise... Big Mistake,

Available At: Everywhere.

Next Week: Speakin’ ina Cayun accen’, is Ze right ting to do, an’ a tasty way to deux it! Be ‘ere for Hard Target an’ an explanation of dat las’ yoke!

BOOKS

The Best of Frank

Edited by Michael Bate

BY DAVID SCHNEIDER 1 RECEIVED THIS BOOK FOR Christmas from an X-Press staffer, direct from the free book box. The command was to do a review. | think the staffers were afraid to tackle this politically incorrect reader.

Satire, whether political or social, can be compared to walking on the edge of a razor blade in this day of political correctness. The measure of a society lies in its ability to laugh at itself. We depend on satirists and comics to make us see ourselves in the bright light of irrelevance.

This compilation of four years worth of “exposing the guilty, provoking the greedy, and mocking the powerful” is well worth reading. Read it soon, though, before we all forget Brian Mulroney and his cohorts.

Highlights in this collection include Muldoon's Last Tape script, Mila Mulroney's Fall Fashion Preview, a collection of Frank Covers, The New Conflagrational Agreement: The Highlights, The Human Sexuality Tax, The National Radio Guide, Narrowsmith Magazine and many more.

No, the Carolyn Mulroney contest is not included, a fact that we can all appreciate.

Satirists must be given the freedom and security to experiment and to make mistakes in judgement without being crucified by the very people who need to see themselves in a new light.

Don't shoot the messenger, but rather enjoy the book for its successes and forgive the writers for their failures.

Truck Stop

Rainbows

By Ilva Pekarkova

BY ALDERA CHISHOLM TRUCK STOP RAINBOWS |S THE FIRST NOVEL from Czech author Ilva Pekarkova. Ms. Pekarkova left Czechoslovakia in 1985, and is now living in New York.

This is a novel about sex, hitchhiking, environmentalism, sabotage and numerous other topics; however, it is also about none of these things. It is the story of Fialka, a hitchhiker to make Tom Robbins proud.

In Fialka’s adventures we see Prague

through her eyes and we see her search for rainbows amid the grey and oppression of Eastern Europe.

This is a sensual and erotic novel, using sexual images to illustrate concepts. As you read along, you are struck by the energy and strength, not just the sex. This is a book that will entertain you, frustrate you, and charm you.

| would recommend Rainbows to anyone, especially those interested in life in Eastern Europe.

Ms. Pekarova is a writer to look for. Her second novel is in the works, and | am eagerly awaiting it.

Crossing the River

By C. Phillips BY JENNIFER CASELEY

ACCORDING TO ITS INSIDE COVER, Crossing The River is about slavery and the story of how one man had to sell his three children (two boys and one girl) for money. It's also supposed to tell the story of the children’s struggles growingup. Well, it doesn’t.

The first section of the book deals with the younger son, who is raised by a kind master who teaches him about God and how to read and write, and then ships him off to the coast of Africa to “educate” the savages. After many unsuccessful attempts to educate the savages he becomes content to leave behind the past. The next thing we read is that he is dead and his master has gone to Africa in search of him. It's a very tragic but awkwardly written story. The daughter's story takes up the next section of the book. She isa slave all her life and is sold from one family to the next until she finally gets her freedom but dies about a week later, alone and losing her mind. You can’t help but feel sorry for this woman who loses everything, then finally gets a chance to be happy, but dies.

The next section of the book is where | became completely lost. The main character is a woman who falls in love with a soldier during World War | and, of course, eventually becomes pregnant.. The story becomes complicated because she is already married, but he spends most of the war in prison. The soldier, | believe, is the second son that was sold off, but he seems like such a minor character that it’s hard to tell if the second son was the husband or the soldier. The book ends here, just leaving you hanging as to how the three stories connected and why anyone would waste their time reading it.

[_x.press march first 1994 page 19

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