FACT AND OPINION

UPEI Milestones Edition

By Stephan MacLeod

FACT: In 1855 Bishop Bernard MacDonald opened St. Dunstan’s College. OPINION: It was named after the patron saint of b- boys, Dancing Dunstan: ~~

FACT: In 1941 St Dunstan’s University confers first Arts degrees.

_ OPINION: Back then they didn’t have fast food restaurants or taxi cabs, so people with Arts degrees had to find work as fishermen.

FACT: The PEI government purchased grounds

and buildings from St.

Dunstan’s University for $5, 700, 000. OPINION: They must have been really drunk when they agreed to pay that much money forthis shithole.

FACT: Dr. James Rigney was the first president of the Faculty Association. OPINION: The movie, The Faculty, is based loosely on his life story.

FACT: In 1969 the men’s golf team won the first AUAA

championship. OPINION: Golfis the only game where it’s perfectly fine to say, “Hey those are my balls, get them out of your mouth!”

FACT: The first

~ computer purchased.

by UPEI was an IBM 1620 in 1970. OPINION: I think the computer lab on the third floor of Main building is full of 1620’s. I could be wrong, they may

have upgraded to Commodores.

FACT: The Barn opened in 1971 as the University’s student centre. OPINION: Itstill functions as the symbolic hangout for UPEI’s redneck population (when they’ re finished mating at Burger King).

FACT: In 1972 the Lady Panthers field hockey team won the Atlantic Intermediate championship. OPINION: Field hockey is like ice hockey except for the chance that a bird might shit on your head during second period.

FACT : Centential

Scholars program was established in 1973 to provide Island residents over 60 free access to education. OPINION: Increasing tuition

--givesIsland residents __

under 60 less money to spend on beanie babies.

FACT: In 1973 the campus plan was redesigned with new parking.

OPINION: It must have been redesigned by some sick fuck who enjoyed parking as far away from campus as possible.

FACT: A provincial bid was made to establish a veterinary college at UPEI in 1974.

OPINION: We’ llall regret having a veterinary college the day they decide to let the monkeys out. Just wait and see. They’ Il do it.

FACT: The men’s golfteam won the Atlantic

. championship in

1974.

OPINION: Team work is what attracts most people to golf. And the fact that caddies have to tickle

the players after each whole is an added bonus.

FACT: The University Progress Fund raised close to $3,000,000 fora new library in 1974. OPINION: They needed at least $2 million forthe futuristic, Bobcat book search system.

FACT: Robertson ~~ Library officially opened in 1975. OPINION: There

are lots of books and shit at the library, but my only complaint is the lack of smut.

FACT: In 1977 the women’s curling team won the AUAA championship. OPINION: Is it just me, or does anyone else finda bunch of women with brooms screaming “Hard!” erotic?

FACT: In 1980 an observatory was installed atop Memorial Hall. OPINION: Nowa days the observatory is home to rabid squirrels and retired

English professors.

FACT: In 1981 the Business Department became aschool. OPINION: Everything youlearn in an economics class

has no application in the real world because they don’t teach you anything about Canadian Tire

money.

FACT: The Canadian Studies Program was established in 1981. OPINION: A course in Canadian Studies is good because they tell you what those Canadian Heritage Moments are too — afraid to say.

FACT: The Panthers won three men’s AUAA soccer championships ina row from 1983-85. OPINION: The Rodney Dangerfield film, Ladybugs, really captures the true essence of winning a soccer game.

FACT: The hockey team won their first men’s AUAA championship in 1985.

OPINION: Not only did they win the championship, but they also won the hearts of millions. No, wait a minute, I’m thinking of Rodney Dangerfield again.

FACT: The Institute of Island Studies was established in 1985. OPINION: The song Kokomo takes ona whole new meaning to someone in Island

FACT: The first

Studies.

FACT: In 1986 the Panthers won their first AUAA men’s basketball championship. OPINION: Most people assume tall people are ona basketball team, but when I see a tall person I’m concerned about drool falling on my head from above.

were admitted in 1986.

OPINION: Butthey wouldn’t admit in public to actually being vet students. They would rather lie and say they were convicted murderers than tell people they cleaned monkey shit out of a cage.

a oe i — | cs [E) oo ay a

FACT: The Challenge of the raised $500,000. OPINION: The real challenge of the Eighties was trying to get your hair to look like Mr. T’s.

FACT: In 1987 the university adopted official coat ofarms and motto, “Faith

Service.”

OPINION: A better motto would be “UPEI: Nuts to Holland College, We're Fucking Great!”