NOVEMBER 23, 2006

Mr. Advice Rob-Watker

THE CADRE @ 2-

Mr. Advice 3000

Dear Mr. Advice, I haven’t seen your column in a while, are you okay? What happened? — Concerned in Kelly .

Advice: I’ve been away filming the Hollywood made for tv movie based on my life. Ben Affleck is starring as me and I was hired to consult. For some reason they thought my name wasn’t “flashy” enough and have changed it to ‘Mr. Advice 3000’.

Dear Mr. Advice, my classroom was flooded last week, what do I do? — Wet and Tired.

Advice: Rejoice, for these are signs of the coming of the apocalypse, where fire and brimstone and...you know what? Just buy some flood pants, roll up your jeans and enjoy the fact that you don’t have class today, douche.

Dear Mr. Advice, I was at The Wave last Saturday night, and it sucked! There were no big names, bands or events and there was almost no one there! I’m pretty sure there were more bouncers than ‘actual customers! What do you suggest?! - No Cab Money

Advice: Beats the hell out of me, I was at Hunters.

Dear Mr. Advice, my parents have been fighting a lot, and I think they’te going to get a divorce. I’m really worried because if they do, I wouldn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t know who to choose. What should I do? — Jessica, age 10.

Advice: What the...how did this get in here? Ok guys, that’s not funny, this girl

needs some advice here and doesn’t

realize this is a joke column...All right, all right, serious advice, uh...Jessica: The world is a cold and dark place and terrible things happen all the time. I suggest wearing black clothing and makeup and listening to trance and goth music. I hope that helps.

Dear Mr. Advice: My girlfriend is really cute, and we’ve been experimenting a lot in bed. But lately, P’'ve been feeling really tired. What’s going on? — Rockin’ the Dormroom

Advice: Well, it sounds like you're. ..wait a minute. This isn’t an advice or question

thing, this is a ‘I’m having sex’ bragging

thing, isn’t it?! Get out of here, you shmuck. I hope you get an uncomfortable yet treatable sexually transmitted infection.

Melanie Bernard Managing Editor

Just a Little Something...

I got an email last week with the subject line that said “Girls Gone Wild Peake’s Corona Girls edition.” I opened it and found pics of the participants in the Corona Girls final contest. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of going to Peake’s on a Thursday night during the summer, let me tell you about the Corona Girls contests.

One of the staff members, a guy of course, patrols the floor looking for the hottest, drunkest girl in the bar and asks her if she would like to be the Corona Girl for the night. They give her free drinks and dress her up in a tank top and little white shorts. She then goes up by the DJ or band and proceeds to shake her drunk ass in front of everyone. I have witnessed this on several occasions. It’s hilarious. Every time I have seen a girl get up there, she falls over, drops her

drink or makes a complete ass out of herself in some other way.

This is mild compared to what they do during after hours at the finals.’ The shocker was the pics that were sent out in an email of the girls posing as if they are on GGW. Some of the pics weren’t that bad, just girls standing around trying to look sexy, but some of the pics are of them taking their clothes off and rubbing up on one another. A couple girls rip their bikini tops open and some of them make out with drinks in hand.

Not cool. Well, most of you guys think this is cool and you want my email address so I can send you a copy. But when you consider that those pics were taken at a private function and the girls were fed alcohol, it may not be'so innocent. The bar was empty and a lot of the pics were taken in the guys

bathroom. The managers and maybe even the owner had to know this was happening and it makes me sick. Some of those girls are young, and I know this because a few of them have been identified.

Maybe the girls were coaxed into it to win the contest. Maybe they thought it was harmless fun that would never make it to the public. Maybe they want to be porn stars and don’t mind showing off everything they’ve got. Maybe they were so loaded and a few girls started stripping so they went in on the fun not realizing the consequences. If any of you girls are reading this, let me know because I'd like to find out what the motive behind this is.

As for now, be embarrassed because people all over Canada have seen your dumb, naked asses. Did I mention I got this email from a friend in Calgary???