FACT: Children who are breastfed benefit from Higher IQ scores and better school performance from increased cognitive development. OPINION: Breastfed children do much better in school than children who are continually reminded that they were adopted and nobody loves them.

FACT: Children who are breastfed benefit from decreased risk of obe- sity later in life.

OPINION: Unless of course they are breastfed by their father. Then they’ve got all sorts of problems to deal with later in life.

FACT: Breastfed children also benefit from enhanced visual, motor, and oral development. OPINION: This particular type of enhanced visual, motor, and oral development is only useful to them if they pursue a career where they are required to suck.

FACT: Women benefit from reduced risk of breast, ovarian and uterine cancer, as well as osteo- porosis.

OPINION: It’s also a good idea to avoid playing with the X-ray machine in the abandoned hospital. Lots of cancer there.

FACT: Families enjoy increased maternal-child bonding, which can lead to better parenting and may even decrease the incidence of child abuse.

OPINION: You’re less likely to push your child in front of an angry lion at the zoo if you share the bond only breastfeeding can provide. Brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

FACT: Society benefits because: Breastfed children are healthier, which makes for a more productive workplace in the future. OPINION: And the workplace could really use some more healthy children to sew soccer balls for Adidas.

FACT: The practice of feeding babies infant formula, rather than breastmilk carries with it profound risks in modern industrialized countries as well as in developing countries.

OPINION: The practice of feeding babies to sharks is a good way to

avoid being attacked yourself when ~

on a boat/dingy.

FACT: Lack of breastmilk and the use of infant

z a formula com- | promise the ee health and well

being of chil- dren in the United States.

- OPINION: I always knew that

lack of breastmilk was a bigger problem for children in the United States than concealed weapons. They should get rid of those metal

detectors in entrances of public

schools and have buxom women greeting children every morning with a large glass of American breastmilk instead.

FACT: Otitis media (middle ear infection) is up to 3-4 times as prevalent in formula-fed infants.

OPINION: Formula-fed infants have the tendency to stick bottles in their ear, whereas breastfed infants are less likely to do the same because they are not fucking stupid.

FACT: Formula fed preterm

infants had lower IQ scores (8

points) at age 7-8 years than breast- fed premies, even after adjustment for mother’s education and social

class.

OPINION: If you’re feeding your infant with formula, don’t bother saving up for university. And buy lots of velcro sneakers.

FACT: If a woman breastfeeds for the first year of the infant’s life,. $683 in the first year of life per infant would be saved from the family’s budget because of not needing to purchase breast milk substitutes.

OPINION: If you stop feeding the infant all together, you can save a couple hundred more bucks.

eeeeee ai de et 33

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