February 11, 1997

The OJ Simpson Verdict

After two and a half years of constant publicity, debating,

and courtroom drama, justice has finally been served, not only to the families of the murder victims, but also to the American public, who so rightfully came to the realization that their once football hero is now labelled a vicious, dishonest, and pathetic criminal. But, you know, one thing that I never understood is that Inspector Gadget--in terms of air floatation devices, he had an umbrella and a parachute. But for some reason, out of all the times that he’d be falling to the ground, I only saw him use this parachute like once. All the other times, he’d just use the crappy umbrella, and then it would like fold up and go crappy, and he’d fall on his ass, or Brain would have to save him or something. What an idiot. And that’s just the right word to describe him too, is just a plain old idiot. [mean anyone else who had all that cool stuff would be like king of the world. Well, not really, but what I think would be cool is if in like the very last episode, instead of dicking around all over the place for the whole show, like usual, he’d just finally realize who the bad guy was, and like say, “Go go gadget machine gun” and like just shoot the bastard. That would kick so much ass.

Now, Dennis Rodman; this is another thing that’s obviously a tad askew. On the court, he’s like the toughest guy around, but off, uh, let’s see here, in the words of Hillbilly Jim, “He looks like a damn sissy.” Of course, Hillbilly Jim probably didn’t say that, and he probably doesn’t even know Dennis Rodman, and come to think of it, I don’t even know who Hillbilly Jim is. Was he like a Wrestler or something? Him and like that Andre the Giant guy. Man, he was revolting. I think he like died of a heart attack or something. Just like that guy from the Fat Boys. The fattest one of course. Anyway, another thing that would be cool is if Rodman decided to one day combine the two obviously opposite lifestyles that he seems to lead, by like starting to dress in drag for his games. He’d be like hauling down rebounds despite the hindrance of high heeled shoes, racing up the court with his pink feathered shawl blowing in the wind, and getting trash talked for wearing too much eye make up. That would certainly kick a fair amount of ass as well.

One thing that pisses me off, though is this dick character that they’ve chosen as a symbol guy for my column thingy. I mean, look at him. What a freak. He looks like one of those guys that attends Star Trek conventions, and national chess competitions, and has a nickel collection, and wears Return of the Jedi gympants all the time, and collects O.J. Simpson trial trading cards--Wait a minute. I think I was supposed to like write this article on that subject, or whatever. Whoa, that’s weird.

By: Sam Shepard

By FINLEY MARTIN

Last week the Five Year Plan took to the court to play an intense game of basketball with the new and improved Cordroy Warriors. The re- sulting battle was exciting and entertaining. The FYP held control of the score during much of the game. However the Warriors were not ready to become easy prey for the win hungry FYP. With nearly ten minutes left, the Warrriors managed to tie the game. “It was at that point that we de- cided that we had to turn it on or get blown out” commented acting team spokesman Dave Christian. A strong rally oc- curred and as a result the team

The Panther Prints

added another notch to their victory belt. The final score was 58 to 53.

In other FYP news, Pat Perry became the next mem- ber of the Five Year Plan to move in to the FYP Cultural Center. The community in which he had lived had her- alded him in the past as a local hero and has been shocked by the decision. Mr. Perry felt that the move was neccessary and went on record as saying “This is the point in my life where I must be able to give myself fully to the attainment of the team’s values and goals,”

The FYP Cultural Center was first set up by Geoff Smith. Over the years

ACT

Mr. Smith has enlisted the help of other FYP members such as Dave Christian and Dico Reyers to ensure its smooth operation. The center was designed as a place where the FYP philosphy could be fully practiced. Last year Greg Fraser was hired as Head Spir- itual Advisor of the FYP Cul- tural Center in order to main- tain FYP policies. “The place is azoo and it’s my job tomake sure it stays that way!” says Mr. Fraser.

For more information of the FYP check out their

website at http:// www.peionline.com/fyp or e- mail them at

fanmail@peionline.com.

(a community theatre)

Presents

Great Expectations:

Att the Ants Guild Date: ‘feb. 28 & Max.) at Spm Tickets: $8 in advance $9 the day of the shou Call 892-1160

Fool For Love

Blind Date By: Horton Foote