Greatest

Album Ever Made

us, sheer genius. I have never heard such power- sic. I knew this album would be brilliant the eond | saw this cover, a picture of Uncle Sam with

mand on some babe’s ass. That’s profound. This Gwarfs even the greats like Twisted Sister, Ratt ken.

some? features brilliant songwriting, fantastic ig and amazing guitar playing; Sid ‘‘Boogie’’ er must play a thousand notes per minute, and , of course, is the measure of a great guitarist. Blue's debut is a thunderous, rocking power-

Mr d’s sound is equally matched by their intelli- yrics, These are nineties men, folks, and their flect it: ‘‘Rob the Cradle’’ isa moving plea

for sex with a minor (‘‘I need it now, I can’t wait until you’re older’’), ‘‘Love’s Got a Hold on Me’? is an anthemic testosterone tribute (‘‘I don’t need much of anything, but I need your sex tonight’’) and ‘‘It’s So Easy’’ begins with the rousing cry, ‘‘Hey girls,

99?

wanna go foraride?’’. But love isn’t the only subject matter here, no-sir-ee, these guys are politically conscious: ‘ Talk of the Town’”’ is an anti-drug dia- tribe (‘‘Cocaine/What a shame’’) and ‘‘Nobody Knows’’ deals with the passing of youth (**But the world keeps spinnin’ around and ‘round and ‘round and ‘round and ‘round’’). Not only is WantSome?a musical masterpiece, italso has a poet’s soul,

Okay, enough of that. There’s my spoof, now here’s what I really think: this is shit, shit, SHIT! And it’s not harmless shit either, Jesus, | wouldn’t want kids listening to these sexist assholes. | suggest these guys change their name to ‘‘the Sonic Hard-Ons’’. And the music is nothing but volume, the guitar solos are finger aerobics with no musicality whatsoever and this guy’s voice will have yer dog howlin’ like it’s judgement day. Lord, I've gota headache,

March 26, 1992

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