By Stephan MacLeod

FACT: 14% of males said that they did not enjoy sex the first time.

OPINION: | was pretty nervous my first time. And all those peo- ple watching me didn't help either.

FACT: 60% of women say they did not enjoy sex their first time. OPINION: It's important to make sure the first time is spe- cial. Light candles, play roman- tic music, and wear a hockey helmet.

FACT: The Romans would crush a first time rapist's gonads between two stones. OPINION: I'd hate to see what would happen if he got caught a second time.

FACT: It's illegal to have sex ~ with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

OPINION: But it's perfectly legal to cuddle one.

FACT: In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it's against the law to have sex with a truck driver in a toll booth. OPINION: Now everyone knows why I'm not allowed in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

FACT: In Fairbanks, Alaska it's illegal for moose to have sex on the city sidewalks.

OPINION: But it's perfectly aright to have sex with a moose in the privacy of your own bed- room.

FACT: In Florida having sexual relations with a porcupine is ille- gal.

OPINION: I'm sorry, but | just can't say no to a porcupine.

FACT: Up until 1884, a Victorian-era woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

OPINION: Nowadays, Victorian- era women are all dead. How do you like them apples?

FACT: The Serni of Brazil take a wife guilty of adultery, whip her and then expose the wounds to fire ants.

OPINION: I'm sure it would suck to find out your partner is cheating on you, but wouldn't it better for everyone involved to seek advice from Dr Phil? No wait, | think I'd rather be tor- tured by fire ants.

FACT: During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you'd be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.

OPINION: Might as well kill two birds with one stone - punish a pervert and cook up some lam- bchops.

FACT: The Asiatic Huns pun- ished convicted male rapists and adulterers with castration. Female adulterers were cut in two.

OPINION: | love it when magi- cians cut female adulterers in two. But my favorite magic trick is the ol' castrate the rapist rou- tine. Penn and Teller rule.

FACT: Minks have intercourse that lasts an average of eight hours.

OPINION: That's a long time, © but I'm sure eight hours of sex is not worth getting bitten by a mink.

FACT: The chimpanzee holds the record for the quickest mammal sexual intercourse session at an average of three seconds.

OPINION: What chimps lack in sexual drive, they make up for in companionship.

FACT: Most turkeys and giraffes are bisexual.

_ OPINION: Roosters never

experiment with bisexuality. They are too chicken.

FACT: An adult gorilla's penis is only two inches long.

OPINION: That explains why King Kong was so cranky.

FACT: Both humans and fish

share a common sexual prac- tice -- fellatio.

OPINION: They don't call em blowfish for nothin.

Travel The World & Get Paid to:

Teach English Overseas!

Call for Nearest Location globaltesol.com

“If | want to see breasts I'll go on the Internet.

“You just have to pee in a cup now!”

“It's less stargazing and more ballspin-

ning.”

“She goes down so smooth.”

.:page [6] October 21, 2003:.