eer LE]

wo account be introduced when Irish affairs are under discussion.

Foreign Policy shall be discussed upon iced claret, as the lightest and least heating of beverages.

Im deliberation upon University or Ecclesiastical q'testions the Conservative tables shall be supplied with champagne, and the Liberal boards with choice old port, which wii! tend to produce that compromise of feeling so desiravle upun such occasions.

No member shali be permitted to drink till he has finished his speech— with a view to the probable abridg- ment of the oration.

When a Ministeris askeda question, he shall be bound to answer it—or swallow a glass of galt and water.

Should any Ifonourable Member so-far forget him- self, in the excitement of debate, as to: throw bottles, ke shall be obliced to acknowledge that he committed the outrage in a parliamentary sense.

The allowance for each individual shall be a bottle ef wine ; but a power shall be vested in the Speaker to licease certain gentlemen to drink as much as they please—there being some of them it would be desirable to prevent from remaining on their legs. A similar privilege shall be extended’ to the Premier, on the prin- ciple, “ In vino veritas.”— Punch.

A CUTE. LADY.

Lady Browne and I were as usual going to the Duchess of Montrose at seven o'clock. The evening was very dark.. In the close lane under the park-pale, aud within twenty yards of the gate,a black figure pushed by between the chase and the hedge on my side. I euspected it was-a highway-man: and so I found did Lady Browne, for she was speaking and stopped. To divert her fears, I was just going to say — [sg not that the apothecary going to the Duchess 2” when I heard a voice cry—-Stop!” and then the

ai I RoR ED ETE

THE EX AMPNB Re.

as his Holiness) for his permission, which was instant- ly granted, in the following words :— “The bearer of this hasmy,permission to marry his aunt, or his grandmother, if he chooses, CHartes O'lfara, Major General and Pope.”

A Goon Wirz.—A friend of ours who has been spending a few weeks in the “ country,” and who visited some of the private dwellings of the rustic inhabitants, tells of a singular man who lives near Brookfield. He 18 Somewhat noted for his odd expressions. He was one day visited by a small party of ladies and gentle- men, who went to hear his “talk.” “Now young gen- tlemen,” said he, “TI will give you some directions how to tella good wife: A good wife will be like three things, and she will not be like them. She will be like the snail,.who stays at home, and she will not be like the snail, who carries all he has upon his baek. She will be like the echo, that speaks when spoken to, and she will not be like the eebo, always have the Jast word, She will be like the town, clock, that speaks at the right time, and she will not be like the town clock, heard all over the town.”

An orator at Utica compared John Van Buren to “a whale whose oil would feed the lainps of liberty to all eternity.”

_ “To Rute rue Roast.”—According to Johnson,

it was originally written “roist,” which signifies a tu-

— and the phrase implies a power to direct the rab- e.

What must you do to a fea table to make it fit to eat ? sath up—Why take away the tea (T) and it becomes ealadle.

A. Posrican,—There is a good deal of character in an anecdote just related to us of “aheathen nan and a publican” in a down-eastern region. A party of young men were “making merry in an upper room,” when

figure came back to the chase. Phad the presence of|the landlord came up and said: “Gentlemen, I wish

mind, befor [ jet down the glass, to take out my watch and stuff it within my waistcoat under my arm. He suid —

* Your purses and watches ?”

“T have no watch,” [ replied.

“Then your purse.”

I gave it tohim;it had nine guineas. It was so dark that I could not see his hand, but felt him take it. He then asked for Lady Browne’s purse, and said—

* Don’t be frightened ; [ will not hurt you.”

* No, you won't frighten the lady,” 1 said.

“No, { give yousmy word I will do you-no hurt,” he replied.

Lady Browne gave him her purse, and was going to add her watch; but he said—

“{ am much obliged to you; I wish you good night!” pulled off his hat, and: rodé away.

“ Well,” said I, “ Lady Browne, you will not be afraid of being robbed another time, for you see there is nothing in it.”

* Qh! but I am,” said she; “and now I[ am in terror lest he should return, for [have given hima purse with only bad money, that [ carry on purpose.”— f Horace balpole.

aneen NR ED —~———

A MONKEY’S MEMORY.

Authors generally seem to think that the monkey race are not capable of retaining lasting impressions ; but their memory is remarkably tenacious when strik- ing events call it into action, A monkey which was permittedto run free, had frequently seen the men ser- vants in the great country kitchen with its huge fire piace, take down a powder-horn that stood on the chim- ney-piece, and throw a few grains into the fire to make Jemima and the rest of the maids jump and scream, which they always did on such occasions very prettily. ~—Pug watches his opportunity, and when all was st¢tl, and he had the kitchen entirely to himself, he clamber- ed up, got possession of the well-filled powder-horn, perched himself very gingerly.-on ove of the horizontal wheels placed for the support of saucepans, right over

d . : | the waning ashes of an almost extinct wooe fire, screw-

ed off the top of the horn, and reversed it over the grate. ‘Tbe explosion sent him half way up the chimney.

Before he was blown up he was a snug, trim, well-|reading, “ Lallah Rookh,” a young lady asked 2 cer- conditioned monkey as you would wistito see on a | iw ' summer's day; he came down a carbonated figure, in| +1 dinna ken?’ answered he, * unless itis the male of boy purchased fruit and reta an avalanche of burning soot. The weight with which the Cow cow!’ (Seotch pronunciation, (x00 KOO). ye pitched upon the hot ashes, in the midst ofthe gene-| Sacx-Ringor.—A gentleman, saya the Cincinnati!

you would make‘a little less noise here, for there is a man below who is: very sick.” “Silence like a poultice came To heal the wounded ear” of the sick.manfor a while, but presently the frollicking was resumed. ‘Phe landlord came up again, and said ; \“Gentlemen; I wish you'd make a leetle less racket: ithe man down stairs is dying. Adi was now still; when jail at once the door was opened, and Boniface popped

in his head to say: * Go ahead now, gentlemen ; make!

as much noise as you likes The man is dead!”— [Kaickerbooker.

| Goon Enensse Wrarner.—Do you remember the {Wapping sailor in the Mediterranean, who called out to his shipmates one morning, when there happened, after six months’ clear weather, to be aslight fog,

“Turn out, boys! turn out! Here’s weather as is

weather ; none o’ your d—d blue sky !”

The friendship of some people ia like our shadow, |

keeping close-while we walk inthe sunshine, but de- /serting us the moment we enter the shade.

Epvucation.—Man, though born, with a capability for much that is great and exalted, would have searcely any idea beyond the pleasures of sense, were he left by others to follow his natural inclinations. Education culls forth the latent capability, and creates-a taste for refined enjoyment.

Jonatuan’s Last Notron.—A paper has been start- ed at Milwaukie, U. S., with the motto, “ Devoted to ithe removalof J. A. Nooman, as postmaster of Mil- waukie, and to be continued until the object is effected.”

Nieerr. Wit.—“*Sambo, why is a chimley sweep one ob de happiest men alibe ” “I ‘spose, kase he knows de joys ob de fireside.” “No, dat ain’t it. Do you gub itup? Well, den, kase he’s always suited (sooted.”)

‘since was asked by an attorney, upon seme strange, jruling, “Is that Jaw, your honour ?” he replied, “ If the, “ourt understand herself, and she thinks she do, it are !”) —[ American Paper.

Naturat History.—At a party where they were|

; t

©

tain facetions Lord of Sessions, “ What is the Bul ba! ?”,

ral flare-up aroused him to a sense of his conditon. He. Dispatch, who has a warm aide for a young lady, was'|

waa missing for days. Hunger at last drove him forth, and he sneaked into the house, close singed, begrimed, and looking scared and devilish. He recovered with! eare; but like some other great personages, he never got over his sudden elevation and fall, but .became a sadder if nota wiser monkey. lf ever Pug forgot him- self and was troublesome, you had only to take down 2 powder horn in his presence ard he was offto his hole like a shot, screaming and chattering his jaws like a pair of castanets..

An Iniseman’s Peamrt.— When Major Gen. O'Hara was Governor of St. Lucia, a young man who wanted ta marry his aunt, a Madame le Batt, and who had been refused by the priests of the island, unless he could

recently making sport of asack which she wore. | “ You had better keep quiet, or I'l! give you the sack,”| said the lady archly.

iinaatalaomenrta AeA ERI RLS NN CET

i197

— a a een

punch at one draught, and then placing the bow! upen his head, exclaimed with the gaiety of Silenus and the philosophy of Diogenes : “ This is a)] the Crown that ws left to me.”?”

Tue Marrmontrar Marker.—The House of Coburg held, last week, a meeting at Saxe-Weimar, where the following resolutions were unanimously passed : —

“That the house of Coburg hails with the liveliest satisfaction the election of Prinee Louis Buonaparte as President of France, inasmuch as he is single:

“That it is highly probable the Prince will and must, at some future period, marry :

“That it is a most important fact, that the Royal House of Coburg has been in the habit, from time im- memorial, of providing, at the shortest notice, all the Courts of Europe with suitable spouses and brides— kings anc queens—and that references of the said im- portant fact can easily be given :

“ That the royal house of Coburg has not yet provided any Court with a Presidentess, but it would feel the most ineffable pleasure in so doing.

“That the earliest'measures be taken to assure his Republican Highness Prince Louis Napoleon of the above resolutions, and that the utmost readiness be dis- played by the house of Coburg in assisting him in his matrimonial views,” '

Portraits, testimonials, pedigrees, valentines, and nu- merous verses have been already. dispatched to the

ig-in-a forward state of readinees..

As with the human countenance, so it is with the face of nature; those who look upon it day by day see not the changes which are'there gradually wrought by the hand of time; in the one instance, the fading of the rich bloom and glow of youth and healthful vigour into the sallow hue of age and declining powers, the sink- ing of the rounded cheek, the waning lustre of the flashing eye, pass unnoticed ; and inthe other, the freste and lively green, the delicate perfume, and bracy airs of Spring, give place to the more luxuriant verdure and embowering shade, the brighter sunshine, and the softer gales of Summer; and*these,. in turn, to the mellow tints, the yet more fervent heat, and luscious perfumes of Autumn, which again fade; and die away, and merge into the universal doo (ness and desolation of, Winter, the sepnichre of tic year! We do not mark these changes while they are in the process of developement, unless we take a retrosnective glance, and institute a comparison betwe v3 as they-are,and as they were; and we * n‘ et hen some. circum- stance or trota (co cal cartes is back to the past, and memory presents the mind with .« t:‘hfal. pieture of what has been —to observe how great an alteration ‘has taken p!oce 19 ourselves, or our friends, or the scenes amid which we dwell—to note the ravagesumade by the great destroyer, and to reflect how much nearer we, and all things,.are to decay and dissolution.

«“ Each month is various to present The world with some development,”

as Tennyson sings, alluding more especially to the growth of knowledge, and consequent power of th human mind, and this is no less true of the outward manifestations of the changes which are consteatiy going on in nature ; but not only is some new develope- ment presented every month, and day and hour, but there is also some indication of decay io be perceived, if we do but look with sufficient atteniion to what us passing around us.

An Inpiaw Vervrer.—John Taison, an Indian native of Connecticut, being found dead on a winter mormng not far from a tavern where he had been drinking freeiv spirituous Jiqnors the evening before, the Indians imme - diately assembled a jury of their own tribe, who, after examining the body. of the defunct, unanimously agreec,

“Ir Ane !”—When a Kentucky judge, some years | 'reezing

“That the said ‘Taison’s death was occasioned by the ofa large quantity of water in his body, that had been imprudently mixed with the ram he drank.

“Nine Tarrors mare a Man.”—The origin of thie proverb is littleknown. <A poor youth, in 1742, applied for alms ata fashionable tailor’s shop in London, where in nine journeymen were employed, who gave a shilling each to the beggar on hearing his piteous tale of being an orphan and without a home. With this capital the iled it ata profit; and, from

iso small a beginning, he in time amassed property sufficient to keep a coach. On that cosch he used for a coatof arms nine lozenges, with tie motio which geve

birth to the proverb. Mustc or Naturt.—Among the Javanese there

‘exists a tradition which relates, that their first idea of “Pshould be most happy,” was the gallant’s response,,music arose from the circumstance of one of their ar “if you will give it to me as it is, with yourself inside! cestors having heard the air make a melodia! sound as st

of it.” ipassed through the hollow ofa bamboo tube, which

_Proressioxat Honxour.—An as digted his death to the very hour,

honour of his profession. .

A Royat Sor.—A late letter from Mr. Killardet, in New York Courier des Etats Unis, contains the follow-| ing anecdote of the King of Prussia:—* At Berlin,! the King of Prussia seeks in drunkenness relief from)

ebtain a dispensation from the Pope, applied to the Go- regener, naturally supposing him to be ag great a man,

to the very time in good health, hung himself for the | 4.

strologer having pre- | happened to be hanging accidently from atree. It i but having lived up| duced him to imitate it, Thus, perhaps, may be os- = - >

ved the fable that music descended from Beaver hey have a very curioys species of Kolian mnstrumert

i ° > \formed of bamboo, very.common to seme of the Aue- ‘tralasian Isles, which emits as well some very in? tonee ‘as elicits some most discordant notes.

Tue Tors or a Newspaper.—ewepaper liters

the troubles of the past, the present and the future. |tnre is a link inthe great chain of miracles, which proves Recently, at the close of a repast, at which the Queen the greatness of England, and every ep and the Princess were present, he drank a bow! of be given to cood newepapers. ‘She editors of theee ps

Elysee Bourbon. The most sumptyous wedding drese .

age

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