FACT: Skunks can project their foul-smelling spray up to 12 feet. The odour can linger for several months and be smelled up to two miles away.

OPINION: I bet if skunks sprayed nice smells, more people would visit Crapaud.

FACT: Human eyesight peaks when people are in their 20s. OPINION: Carrots are supposed to improve your eyesight, but not if you get one jammed in your sock- et.

FACT: According to scientific research, the average Peeping Tom is 23.8 years old.

OPINION: If a guy watches are girl getting dressed through a win- dow, he’s a Peeping Tom. But if someone watches the guy watching a girl getting dressed it’s “scientific research”

FACT: The oldest lobster was 50 years old.

OPINION: I bet lobster claws come in handy when you’re open- ing presents on your fiftieth birth- day.

FACT: The first linoleum was mass produced in 1863. OPINION: Linoleum is a superior floor covering to carpet because blood stains can be removed more easily.

FACT: Albert Fish, a _ sado- masochist, was electrocuted for murder in 1936. He stuck so many sharp metal objects in his body that his body created a short circuit in the electric chair during the elec- trocution.

OPINION: If I was ever convicted of murder and given the death sen- tence, I bet it would be a funny gag to put a light bulb in my mouth right before my electrocution.

FACT: Howard Appledorf, a lead-

ee

ing nutritionist, proposed that junk food was not all bad. In 1982, he was murdered by several health- food faddists.

OPINION: The same _ bulllshit happened to the Notorious B.1.G.

FACT: A_ jewelry store in California keeps a live tarantula in its display window.

OPINION: The tarantula comes in handy to scare away jewel thieves who are frightened of the film, Arachnophobia, but an even better deterrent would be to encase Jeff Daniels in its display window.

FACT: In 1896, only men got to vote in an election to determine if women should have the right to vote in Idaho.

OPINION: The men in Idaho know what’s best for the women they married. After all, they are their sisters.

FACT: In most elections, less than half the population votes. OPINION: More people would vote if candidates cursed more dur- ing speeches.

FACT: In the 1968 presidential election, a pig named Pigasus ran for president.

OPINION: | bet if livestock ever get elected, the sex scandals in Washington would be more inter- esting.

FACT: 80% of the presidential elections in the past 50 years were won by the tallest candidate. OPINION: Short people should not run the country. They should stick to working at the circus, rid- ing little horses and repairing shoes.

FACT: According to an old wives’

tale, if you have a dream about apples, you will succeed in busi- ness.

OPINION: If you have a dream about apple sauce, it’s time to change your bed sheets.

FACT: According to an old wive’s tale, if you have protruding ears you will be rich.

OPINION: If you have protruding ears, you better be rich because you’ll need lots of money to keep an ample supply of Q-tips handy.

FACT: A boy recovering from an illness in England was killed in 1988 when a giant stack of get-well postcards fell over on him. OPINION: There was either a ton of postcards, or someone is failed to mention how the boy was also crushed by the vending machine the cards were on top of.

a Pt a St a = o

FACT: In_ the Middle Ages in Europe, convict- ed people could escape the gallows if they were able to recite a specific verse from the Bible in Latin.

OPINION: The gallows sound pretty harsh. At least Regis gives you three life lines and the chance to walk away with a thousand dol- lars if you don’t know the right answer.

FACT: For many years in the early part of the century, the only enam- el paint that dried fast enough for use in assembly lines was black. OPINION: That’s why aircrafts in the second world war were not hot pink.

FACT: A favorite, traditional treat in China are spicy chicken feet.

OPINION: When you think about it, chicken feet are a lot less gross than where Chicken McNuggets

‘ dese sud ee

come from.

FACT: A favorite, traditional treat in South America are pickled pig tails. OPINION: On their own, I’m sure pig tails taste alright. But try a pickled pig tail, and you’ll never go back to plain, old, sweaty pig tails again. In some circles, pickled pig tails are known as the arse end of the Gods.

FACT: In 1994, a man’s dying wish was carried out when his ashes were made into fireworks and exploded.

OPINION: I wouldn’t mind being exploded. But it would have to be while I was still alive, and holding a sparkler in one hand, and a flag in the other.

FACT: Einstein’s eyeballs have been preserved in a jar. OPINION: They must be the smartest eyeballs in the world. I wonder if anybody saved Isaac Newton’s scrotum.

FACT: An old, folk cure for toothache was to clasp a heated onion to the ear on the same side of the face as the toothache. OPINION: You’re supposed to hold it next to your ear to await fur- ther instructions from the onion on where to find a dentist.

FACT: Another remedy for toothache was to hold a frog against the cheek.

OPINION: This would not stop the pain, but at least you’re not holding an onion next to your ear like some idiot.

FACT: In Saudi Arabia there is an annual beauty contest for goats. The winner gets a car and cash. OPINION: Either women in Saudi Arabia are unattractive, or they have some fine looking goats down there that know how to drive.

Ot. * * 24

. The Faction 3S