Marcu 30, 2005

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whether you tthe ot on aot!’ Dear Mr. Advice,

I hope this email finds you well. Well, I at least hope it finds you better than I. I need some help. For the past four years, I’ve been living a lie. You see, in September of 2001, I started my university career here at UPEL... and after four days, it ended. I just couldn’t take it. The reading. The homework. The construction. It all made me sick to my stomach, but I didn’t have the heart to tell my parents, who are also paying my tuition. Everyday, my father drops me off in front of Kelley building with my satchel and lunch box in hand, and I trot off to “class.” But I don’t actually go to class. I pretty much waist my time in the Cass lounge playing Nintendo or trying to sneak in to the Central Printing office to get high on the photocopy toner. Now, my parents are planning a graduation party for me, and can’t wait to catch me with their Handicam strolling across the stage to get my degree in arts. It’s not like I’m going to get any worse a job in the long run, but I know my parents are going to be crushed. How should I go about telling them the truth, Mr. Advice?

Signed, Slacker in Stratford

Dear Slacker,

For starters, your e-mail found me not so well. I have crabs. Thanks for asking.

Well, well, well. You sir, are in a jam. One thing: didn’t you think of going to the accounting office and at least figuring out a way you could transfer the money your parents spent on tuition into a separate account that you could save up, so that when graduation time DID come around, you could buy a plane

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

ticket to some far off place and live the rest of your life in hiding? Did you think of that? Honestly, you had all that time... it shouldn’t have been that hard. You are a slacker. I agree that jobs in the long run wouldn’t really matter, but you still gotta use your head. Don’t worry about telling your parents either. I got the IP address from that email you sent me, traced it, and went to see your father this morning. If you get home and all you crap is in a box on the lawn, don’t be surprised.

Hope this helped!

lam, Mr. Advice

Seriously, send Mr. Advice your questions to mr_advice_upei@hotmail.com. He knows you’ ve got problems. Let him solve them!

Dear Mr. Editor,

In response to John Arch MacDougal’s letter dated March 22, 2005, I would like to clarify the situa- tion. John Arch, it’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that you are easy to pick on and make an example of. I could go do this to arandom person, but how funny would that be? They would be too embarrassed to tell anyone, and that would make the whole event use- less.

One of the problems is that, like you said, you make extensive use of these male bathroom facilities, and this means that other people do not get their fair share of usage time. On more than one occasion, I have had to wait in line because either the good stall (the one you occupy most of the time) is always in use, or the smell is too tremendous, both during your stay and roughly 15- 20 minutes afterwards.

Another reason is also the

amount of supplies that the University janitorial crew uses on yourself alone. It has been extensively researched, and studies have shown that during your peak time, the toilet tissue usage rate triples. This is unsatisfactory, for all UPEI students, through their tuition fees, indi- rectly finance your sanitory and cleans- ing needs.

There are only three possible so- lutions for this matter. One would be to take away toilet paper privileges, but this would cause major embarrassment for all students to walk around with a roll of 2-ply. Another solution would be to close down all bathroom facilities in Kelley building. I’m not sure ifRon, Don or Sean would appreciate this very much, and I’m fairly certain we would see a decrease in students marks, due to lack of professor happiness. As both of these are unacceptable, the humilia- tion of yourself was the only way to get the point across. I hope you understand where I am coming from, and no, potty humour is still funny today.

Kelley Bathroom Bandit

Dear Mr. Editor:

This letter is in response to the letter earlier published in the March 22, 2005 Edition concerning the validity of Ryan Gallant running for Student Union President while being the Managing Editor of The Cadre.

I will get the obvious out of the way. Iam a friend of Ryan Gallant, and in no way is this defense on his behalf. I know he can very well fend for himself, and if he chooses to do so, he will: This is solely my opinion.

Mr. Baglole, two major points stick out in my head in your letter. The

_first being that you find his position of managing editor being a way to self promote. Looking back throughout past editions of The Cadre, I do not see in any circumstance where Mr. Gallant makes any reference on how

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he should be chosen over any other candidate. My second point is his trademark R you refer to; it has been his trademark for quite sometime now, and he is widely known for it. Checking the final counts of the recent Student Union elections, in for the position in question, Mr. Gallant won his position by over five hundred votes. Unless he used some sort of major brainwashing technique, I cannot see how a letter could-sway Five Hundred tetalone One Hundred voters to vote for him. This letter does not make him more “cool” with the students, nor does it make him much more ofa reliable candidate.

Anyone who was that deeply affected by a letter to the point where they were compelled to vote for Mr. Gallant should have abstained from voting in the first place. In my opinion, he was the obvious choice for voters (with no offence to the other candidates).

Chances are you do not know Ryan, and it is a strong chance that you don’t like him also. Don’t get me wrong, I dosee where your argument is coming from, but I feel that your accusations are very empty, weak, and false.

Props go out to Ryan, and other winners of positions of the Student Union elections. I would also like to congratulate other candidates, for you all put up get campaigns, all though I hope too see Gong Show Gary have a better showing next year.

Rob Diamond

Dear Mr. Editor,

On March 16th I attended a student-based university Pro-Life meeting, in an effort to gain an informed opinion about the organization. Unfortunately the meeting wrapped up before I had an ity to put forth my final thoughts which I feel are necessary to articulate. So, I write this letter to the Cadre in hopes that the members of the UPEI Pro-Life group

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