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By Robert Bodrog-Goodland

Mankind is fortunate in at least one respect. We have that special and unique . ability to think and to reason. To be human is to seek answers by means of rational inquiry. However, when people fail on their own, they often turn to others for guidance hoping that some- one has always got an ex-

planation, ' whatever the problem. And for some strange

reason people always seem to

think I’ve got the answers.

On several occasion I’ve had

friends come up to me and

say “Rob, what is the meaning V of life?”

Now that may seem like a tough question, but it need not be if one thinks of it properly. Because l think that the ability to reason in the simplest of terms is the key to understanding life's ques- tions whatever they may be.

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course,

In this essay I will discuss the four questions most often asked of me. They are:

1) WHAT IS THE MEAN- ING OF LIFE?

2) WHAt IS THE BEST WAY TO ACHIEVE UNI- LATERAL NUCLEAR DIS- ARMAMENT AND SE- CURF. EVERLASTING WORLD PEACE?

3) HOW CAN I- FIND HAPPINESS?

4) HOW DO I KNOW IF SOMETHING IS RIGHT? - First of all, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? May answer: to have a good time. (Simple as that). Have a good time, but don’t over do it. It is also important to do well whatever it is you do, and strive to be the best. Of the two are con- nected; if you are the best in your chosen field, whatever it may be, you’ll have lots of opportunities to have a.

‘ A satirical philosophical essay

gobd time. Need I say more? Next, WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO ACHIEVE UNILATERAL NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT AND SE- CURE EVERLASTING WORLD PEACE? The governments of the two super- powers should get together and organize a population exchange. trip, whereby every family in the US. is paid with a billet family in the Soviet Union. Then the entire population of the US. spends two weeks at the home of the billet family, while the Soviets, at the same time, live at the American homes. The same billet idea would apply to military in- stallations and missile silos. We live on their bases and in their silos and they on ours concurrently. While there, we dis-arm and‘ destroy each other’s weapons, and finally the world could live in peace. And no one would be tempted to push the button because they’d either be blowing themselves up or annihilating their own nation. Smart eh?

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Then, after all the dis- arming is completed, every- one goes home, has had a nice vacation, and can live without the threat of nuclear destruction. And because billions are spent each year on arms production, the cost of the exchange trip would pay for itself in no time. Of course if the arms race started all over again, these exchanges would have to become an annual event.

Then there is the question HOW CAN I FIND HAP- PINESS? People ask me this all the time. My simple answer: don’t waste all your time looking for it. Instead, try to think of it in these terms: It’s like when you’re really horny and you’ve just GOT to get laid, so you go to a pub to try to pick someone up, and what happens? Nothing. However, it’s al- ways the night before your final ‘calculus exam, that an

old love shows up at your door and says “I need to be close to someone tonight, please hold me". Notice here how the opportunity for happiness presents itself, but at the very time you’re not looking for it. So if you want to be happy, don’t waste all your energy in pursuit of it. Simple as that.

And finally, HOW DO I KNOW IF SOMETHING IS RIGHT? Kant once said “Act only on that maxim whereby you would will that it become universal law." However, not many people fully understand- what the hell Kant was talking about. and even fewer people have the time or motivation to try to figure out what he was trying to say

So when people ask me how do I know if something is right, I say “Use your own judgement, you‘re not

stupid.” The whole damn problem with most peopEe is that they’re always looking for someone else to give them all the answers, nicely cut and laid out. Well, that simply can’t be done. Besides, what good would that be? Man was created with the ability to rationalize and reason. and hopefully in the process draw conclusions. Therefore I cannot draw your con- clustions for you, I can only give you my own, which may or may not be the same as yours. Any way you look at it. in the final analysis, only you can be the judge of what is ethically right for you.

So there you have it. how simple answers to four of the most asked. and often most complicated of questions. 80 retnetibct to think of things, whenever possible tn simplest terms= Now you need not be confused, ever again.

KIS’SKISSKISSKISSKISS Animalize

By Glen Boswall

Q. What do Kiss the Album, Hotter Than Hell, Dressed To Kill, Destroyer, Rock and Roll Over, Love Gun, Kiss Alive I & II, Dynasty, Unmasked, Crea- tures of the Night, Lick It Up, and Animalize all have in common?

A. Gene Simmons, __Paul Stanley, a simple music format and not much else.

This group has changed its music, image and member line up more often than vocalist/guitarist Paul Stan'ey has said “oooh yeah!” in his entire illustrious career.

Since Unmasked, Kiss has lost drummer Peter Criss and

. ~ Fantastic fables

By Dr. Prunesquallor

(Continued from last week). . ,, The Wise Man sat on top of Mount Duffy, wondering who would be the next person to trip over him. Just as he completed his thought, which was in fact quite a historical event, somebody tripped over him. The Wise Man cursed violently, according to

custom. I “Say ‘kelp’ if you’re the Wise Man,” said the person

whojust tripped. ’ So,,thou‘ght the Wise Man, this person will be somewhat

of a problem to get rid of .. I might have '.a.t9,§ans’\i:er’ his a

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question!

“Kelp,” said the Wise Man as he kept his eyes closed. His eyes were always closed to the world. As the visitor was surrounded by nonexistent haze, neither the Wise Man nor the visitor saw each other. So it was on Mount Duffy. ’

“Alright, is

here my

,question,” said the visitor. ' “If God‘had Wanted flies to

fly, Why did He'give them legs?”- '

“lidon’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You’re sup- v - > s" y't’ t‘tv ‘r.y) ‘ > x t 9" i . t a a A s ~ ~ \ . \ t . ~ -

t o s o t 1 y a t a . v a‘. v A s . s . v a .‘s‘A ._u‘9‘._

that matter.

Wise Man!”

“I may be wise, but I’m not knowledgeable.”

“That does it. I’m taking your place."

“Fine. I can go back to being an engineer."

So, the ex-Wise Man went back down Mount Duffy. He was unaware of the elevator. Well, no one else knew for Everyone was too stupid to figure out that it wasn’t a closet. L

He went down to the Pit, which everyone knows is a place- where people go to enter new states of con- sciousness. Then, he had a

u t r e A i I 1 ‘ll o t g y o a ‘i'v’.

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few drinks of some mysterious fluids of arcane and ancient manufacture. Soon, he was lying on the floor, trying to get up. He had just joined the ranks of Mystics piled on the floor. Finally, he was intelligent! There is no moral to this story, except: SITTING ON ' A MOUNTAIN SHOULD NOT BE A GOAL IN LIFE. THEY ARE TOO HARD TO GET. In addition, there are at least one hundred polite and disgusting, as well as intelligent, interpretations of that. Thus, the moral does not existuThiin’k. about that!

I v a t l o v > t I a 1‘ y t a I ' ; t . I t . a t i ._t t ,

w t t ‘ ’ '

- I

,dible. Check out, his work’in

lead guitarist Ace Frehley. Criss was replaced with Eric Carr and Frehley with Vinnie “Whiz” Vincent.

The makeup disappeared soon after that, as did Vincent (rumours have it as a money dispute), who was subse— quently replaced with cur- rent guitarist Mark St. John. _ The band also took over their own management, parted company with their Casablanca record label and whit Animalize, started pro— ducing their own albums. Got all that?

Animalize is a strong album, written and recorded in much the same vein as their previous album, Lick It Up. The format, in Kiss tradition, is simple; heavy, basic guitar progressions, high energy heavy metal-type lyrics and a driving bass and drum line.

Bassist Gene Simmons and rhythm guitarist Paul Stanley share the writing and vocals about equally on the album. Stanley’s guitar work con- tinues to be rock solid but unspeetacular. Even Simmons, who performed such brilliant runs on Destroyer, has come down somewhat. Both, how- ever, continue in Animalize to be the driving force behind the Kiss sound.

Mark St. Joh plays slash and burn lead guitar on the LP in much the same style as previous lead guitarist Vinnie Vincent. Fate smiled on Kiss the day it sent them drummer Eric Carr. This kid is incre-

“l’ve Had Enough" and “Burn Bitch Burn”.

Simmon’s lyrics aren’t sub— liminally sexual anymore they’re blatant. If you don’t believe that one. look into “Lonely is the Hunter”, “Burn Bitch Burn” and “Murder in High Heels”, but prepare to abandon all innocence ye who listen here. Simmon’s bass work has declined somewhat since the glory days of Kiss, but his heavy metal screaming is on the upswing.

Stanley still rocks on as one of the best vocalists in rock. You may not like what he writes, but this man can sing it. The background vocals on this record are superb (see “Heaven’s on Fire", “Burn Bitch Burn”, “Thrills In the Night”, “While the City Sleeps”). This is obviously a vocally talented band.

The album is about par for Kiss. It won’t convert any non-Kiss fans, but it will likely make the newly found Lick It Up crowd quite happy. I found the album quite average. The message is still hard and heavy from these boys. Watch out Duran Duran, the boys with the seven-inch stomping boots are coming to step all over you.

ANIMALIZE High Points “Heaven’s on Fire" “I’ve Had Enough” Low Points “While the City Sleeps" The Album Cover