The iCadre, Trioveazbef 1:976 page 6.

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Solving'the residence blues

by John Mean-lg, the Gauntlet reprinted lrorn the Queen's Journal

if, after two months you still look at your room-mate and say to yourself, “Why me?", then you

have a problem — how to let your .

room-mate know he’s leaving. This may be a difficult thing to doif you are not on speaking terms. it is not the type of thing you like to break to him in a casual note attached to his bags out in the hall.

The problem is that room-mates are not normally matched as well as they might be. If you will recall that when you applied to residence at university, you were required to fill out a form and to enclose a pic- ture of yourself. This is probably where you bombed out. Unless you cut your picture out of an Eaton’s catalogue it was probably not enough to save you from serving a one year term with your room- mate. Any defect will trigger an equal and opposite reaction in the selection of your room-mate. In other words your room-mate is an inverse function of your enclosed photograph (which seems only fair). If your eyes appear dark and beleagured, then you will be slated to live with an insomniac.

To get rid of your room-mate you must disgust him, alarm him, repel him, and totally revolt him remembering that it is important to stay on favourable terms with him.

There are several obvious op- -

tions open to you:

a. Bring about an emotional breakdown by constant ridicule and abuse. \ _ induce fits of depression

All of the above.

Homicide.

999“

Any one method could be effec- tive if you play on his fears, slander his ideals and harp on his inade- quacies through same gross form of malpractice. You should, however, be careful not to hurt his feelings.

One method which is popular and a lot of fun is the “conniption” method. This works on the princi- ple that it is better to have him leave on his own accord then to have him lay the blame on you. Starting at the soonest possible moment in which you are in his presence, move your wrist and any two fingers'ln a circular motion for several seconds. Repeat this every seven minutes until your room- mate asks you what you are doing. Without responding, try cutting the

time in half to three and a half

guess

How to rid youf of I an unWant

minutes per conniption. If this method does not at least get him on his feet and packing, then you are living with a sick, sick man. There is no guarantee that any given method will drive your room- mate out, but the ‘skitso’ technique is a fairly good bet. This method must be initiated in the early months of residency as these are the wonder monthsin which your room-mate is still forming his basic conceptions of where he is and who you are, and probably having a hard time answering both

questions. Here is a sample of this ~

technique being used to its best advantage in a recent dialogue between room-mates during the

. first days of fresh week:

Mr. Roomie: Hi, my name is Bill, what is yours.

Mr. X: My name is Frank.

Mr. Roomie: That's nice Frank . . . do you' remember what i told you

about my name being Bill, well, I was just kidding.

Mr. X: Oh, really.

Roomiez'Well, my name is Ralph." X: Okay. whatever you say. i Roomie: l'm glad we straightened that out. You can call me Sid.

X: What?

Roomie: Hey, Frank, l’m an air- planeand l'm going to land on your back . . .

X: Bye, bye.

This method is both severe and damaging andtherefore should be uSed discriminateiy. It is recommended that a less harsh

method be used unless you are ab- -

soluter certain that you have at

,least a mild dislike for the person

you are living with. . The beauty 'of the so-called “skitso” method is its lasting effect. The impact ofsuch an encounter will not only be sufficient to chase your room-mate out, it ’may well haunt him for the rest of his univer-

sity career. The probabilities of his .

returning are slight unless he is a bear for punishment (or is bigger

than you). . .._ . _., .— . .

The probi

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