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Fact & Opinion by Stephan Macleod

FACT: Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

OPINION: Most Australians say the word “Mate” over 50 times a day. Coincidence? I think not.

FACT: Butterflies taste with their feet. OPINION: Butterfinger chocolate bars taste like feet.

FACT: A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. OPINION: Miss Piggy gets Jiggy for half an hour? No wonder Kermit gets nervous when Piggy is horny.

FACT: The McDonalds at the SkyDome in Toronto, Ontario is the only one in the world that sells hot dogs.

OPINION: Snoop Doggy Dogg is the spokesman for the SkyDome’s McDoggs. In ads for the product he grabs a McDogg and says, “Jeah, I’m gonna do a 187 on this beotch” and then he washes it down with a Mc40.

FACT: A bowling pin only has to tilt 7.5 degrees in order to fall down.

OPINION: If you saw great big balls coming towards you at top speed, it wouldn’t take

much to make you fall down.

FACT: Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment number (on the show) is 5A. In the old episodes it was 3A. OPINION: He moved up to 5A in order to get closer to that male slut, Kramer.

FACT: The life span of a taste bud is ten days.

OPINION: It may be your bud, but don’t get too friendly. Any relationship you form with your taste bud will only end in tears after ten memorable days.

FACT: The shortest commercial ever was only 4 frames of a second.

OPINION: Homeboys be frontin’ on my short commercial, but I don’t care, really doe. It’s not the size, but how you use it, sucka.

FACT: A stretched out Slinky is 87 feet long.

OPINION: If you give a kid a spring that is 87 feet long and call it a toy, you shouldn’t be surprised if they take out their aggression by shooting their classmates.

FACT: The hundred

billionth Crayola crayon was Perriwinkle Blue. OPINION: This crayon was from Crayola’s latest “Colours of the Homo Rainbow” collection.

FACT: A group of kangaroos is called a mob.

OPINION: Kangaroos have pouches so they can conceal their weapons and avoid any static from the fuzz.

FACT: A group of whales is called a pod. OPINION: A whale porn star is called Moby Dick.

police get confused when a group of ravens get murdered. Not because it would be called a “murder of murders,” but because it’s hard to imagine why someone would kill such a beautiful, exotic bird.

FACT: A group of bears is called a sleuth. OPINION: They are not as good at solving crimes as you'd expect. Bears can’t seem to tell the difference from someone who is dead or just playing dead so they won’t eat him.

FACT: In the October 22, 1945 edition of Life magazine there was a picture of a chicken with its head cut off.

OPINION: Gentleman’s Quarterly voted the headless chicken sexiest man of the year in 1997.

FACT: The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head. OPINION: The average musclehead has a penis the size of a caterpillar as a result of using steroids.

FACT: Pinocchio was made of pine. OPINION: Pine

FACT: A group of geese is called a gaggle. OPINION: A gaggle of geese sure can destroy a nice walk by the lake if they

Kangaroos have pouches so they can conceal their weapons and avoid any static from the fuzz.

scented floor cleaners are made out of Pinocchio’s sweat.

FACT: A mule won’t sink in quicksand but a donkey will. OPINION: I’m not sure about horses, but I'll find out as

decide to honk obscenities at your girlfriend.

FACT: A group of owls is called a parliament. OPINION: That can’t be true. Besides Jean Chretien’s, there are hardly any hooters in the House of Commons.

FACT: A group of ravens is called a murder.

OPINION: I bet the

FACT: 12 or more

cows are called a flink.

OPINION: I call 12 cows or more a milk shake...no that’s what I call 12 cows or more in an earthquake. ..oh forget it. I’m thirsty. I need a big glass of cow juice.

FACT: A baby oyster is called a spat. OPINION: A bearded oyster can be found at most nude beaches.

soon as I can trick

“one into walking in

some quicksand.

FACT: Alfred Hitchcock had no belly button for it was eliminated during surgery.

OPINION: The

- master of suspense

also had his nipples removed during the same operation.

FACT: There are 22 stars in the Paramount

logo. : OPINION: There are

"3 stars in the Three

Amigos.

FACT: The average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva ina lifetime. * OPINION: That’s enough spit to put on at least a dozen rub-on tattoos.

FACT: A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge.

OPINION: The next time you see a homeless man, don’t give him a quarter. Keep it for yourself because quarters are

“groovy.” e FACT: A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. OPINION: Wow, they must be worth a fortune!

FACT: Cranberry Jell- o is the only kind that contains real fruit. OPINION: Michael Flatly flavored Jell-o — doesn’t exist...yet.

FACT: The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

OPINION: Aglets? And to think, all this time I called them “the little plastic shoe bastards.”

FACT: The pound sign # is called anoctothorpe. OPINION: It was named after Dr Anoctothorpe, the inventor of phone sex.

FIN