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= A Tillyloss Scandal © °
THE DAILY EXAMINER, CHARLOTTETOWN, APRIL 26, 1897
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p <p) e'¢9 dSonr- wns ” “te se By J. M. BARRIE See 9c pa aye DAD AP) el ae e ‘+ ‘4 ak Bley: ) Author of “The Little Minister, Auld Licht Idylls,” “A ore well ‘ ° ro Crna BOS Window in Thrums,” Etc., Etc. &,G6¥e afr a Y Ss, G? Ort ; <4 ' ; BO } Y IN “SS «hc oy we ' 4 ATOR < COOK) Xe Ve Wi oN’ \4/0r We ov’ oO oe Ww 4 = < ™ Zonta © Ge poe < OW’ We i Ow ‘ ou wee o AS x at NOs s\ —— L go * yy KY ODS x) BOOK NA NPE? So WP LOINED oN PINS WA os J
(Continued )
w ‘What are ve doing, «f hirsty?’
vith misgivings.
«‘J’'m to iron a dicky for ye: to wear to-morrow," she cries, amd-she kicks my foot off the fende
‘i'm no going ‘to the %irk,’ I warns
her. , « ‘Are ye no? she says; ‘ye gang
twice. Tammas Haggart, though the Auld Lic ht minister has to drive ye to the door with a stick °
“Ay, When 1 heard she had joined the Auld Licht I kent I was done with lazy Sgbbaths. Weel, she ironed away at that dicky with tremendous @nergy, and then all at once she lays down the irons and
she cries,
« ‘Keeps us all, I had fergotten!’ She was the picture of woe. « ‘What's the matter, Chirsty?’ I says.
“She stood there wringing her hands.
‘‘Ye canna gang to the kirk,’ she moans, ‘for ye have no clothes.’
“ *No clothes!’ I cries. ‘1 have my blacks.’
‘ ‘They’re gone,’ she says.
“ ‘Gone, ye limmer!’ I says, ‘wha has
o “ ‘Davit Whamand,’ she says, ‘has the
coat, and Hender Haggart the waistcoat and the hat.’
“ Ay, lads, I can tell ye this. composed- |.
ly now, but 1 was fuming at the time. Chirsty’s passion for genteelity was such that she had imitated grand folk's cus- toms and given away thecclathes as had
heen worn by the corpse.’ “That came of taking a wife frae Bal-
ribbie.”’
‘Ay, and it’s not the only proof of Chirsty’s vanity, for, as ye «all ken, she continued to wear her crape sto the kirk long after I came back ”’
‘Because she thocht it set her?’’
‘Ou, rather, just because -ehe had it. But it was aggravating to me to have to walk with her to the kirk, and her in widow's crapes It would have provoked an ordinary man to the drink.”’
“Tt would so, but what said ye when ye heard the blacks was gone?’’
“Said? It wasna time for saying. I shoved my feet into my boots amd flung on my bonnet, and hurries to the door.
“*Whaur are ye going?’ cries Chirsty. | I says, ;
“* *To demand back my blacks,’ dashing open the door with my dst. Ye may mind there was some of ye keeking in at the door and the window, trying to hearken to the conversation.”’
“Ay, and we flew frae ye as if ye was the Riot Act. But we was thinking by that time as ye micht be a sort of living.’’
“Maybe, but I wasna thinking about you. Na, it was the blacks as was on my mind, and away I goe;.”’
Ye ran.”’
“Yes, I ran straight to the Tenements to Davis Whamand’s house. Lads, I said the pot was very near the boil when I marched down the Roods, but my humor Was getting cold again. Ay, Chirsty Todd hud suddenly lifted the pot off the fire.’’
CHAPTER VL
“Davit’s collie barked at me,’’ Hag- ‘Kart continued, ‘‘when it heard me lift- ing the sneck of the door, but I cowed it with astern look, and stepped inside. fhe wife was away cracking about me too Lizzie Linn, but there was Davit bimsel’ with a bantam cock on his knee, the which was ailing, and he was forc- ing # little butter into its nib. He let the beast faliwhen he saw me, and I Was ulgere d to notice as he had been eccupied With « bantam when he should have been Ciscussiy iz me with consterna- tion.’
“it was the gre ater surprise to him When in ye marched.’
“As, but my desire to ghost had gone, and ] ‘Dinna stand trembiing there, Davit Whamand,’ I says, ‘for I’m in the flesh, and so you'll please hand ower my black coat!’ He hardly believed I was human At first. but at the mention of the coat he
be thocht a says at once,
grows stiff and hard, and says he, ‘What
dleck coat?
a ‘Deception will not avail ye, Davit hamand,’ says I, ‘for Chirsty has con-
fessed a)].’ ,
ering. he coat’s mine,’ says Davit, glow-
. ‘T want that coat direct.’ I Says. Think shame o’ yoursel’,’ says he, ‘and you a corpse this hah’ year.
“The crittur tried to SIX ak hke a min- ister, but I Waved
es away his argument ” ‘Back to the cemetery, ye shameless “rp, says he, ‘and I'll mention this to nobody; but if ye didna gang peaceably we')] call out the constables. ~ ‘Dinna haver, Davit Wham: ind,’ I fetorts, ‘for ye ken fine I’m in the flesh and if ye dinna produce my coat imme- diately I'll take the law of ye. ‘Will ye he sneers ; ‘and what micht ve ¢ all yoursel’: ~ “PH call mysel’ by my own name, namely, Tam nas Haggart,’ I thunders. ‘Yen, yea,” says he; ‘I'm thinking a
7 hands on his name to his auldest without Tammas Haggart being dead Uta son the name becomes extinct.’ bn “Lads, that did stagger me a minute, t then I minds I’m living, and I cries, fe s aly crittur, I’ m no dead.’
ar.’ ‘Are ye not?’ says he; ‘I think ye ‘Do I look dead?’ a ook counts for nothing before a bri 1¢, Says he, ‘and if ye annoy me I'l) an sses to prove you’ re dead. Produce the widow in he .
aod ther ti as cofined va! r crapes,
[ argues.
‘T-says |
‘the door on
. ‘Ay, Hender,’ he says
** *Ay,’ TD cries, ‘but I’) produce my- sel’.’
‘The waur for you,’ says he, ‘for if ye try to overthrow the law we'll bury yeagain, though it should be at the public expense, ’
‘Lads, that made me.uneasy, .and all I could think to do was just to fling out my foot at the bantam.
‘ *Ye daur look me in the face, Whamand,’ I says, no mysel’?’
*“**I daur do so,’ he says; ‘and: not only are ye no yersel’, but I would never have recognized ye for such.’
** *So, so,’ I remarks; ‘and oye refuse to. deliver up my coat?’
** ‘Yes,’ he says, ‘and what's more I never had your coat.’
‘Lads, that was
Davit ‘and pretend :as I’m
his cautiousness in case twa lines of defense was needed be- fore the bailie; but I said no more to him, for now the house began to fill with folk wanting to make sure of me,
flesh before Davit prejudiced them. Ay, tobbie, you was one of them as convoyed me to Hender Haggart’s.’’
‘“‘I.was, Tammas, and when ye shut me .a mask of folk came round me to hear how ‘ye had broke out.’’
“I daursay that, but their curiosity didna interest me now ‘Ye mind when we got to Hender’s house it was black and dark, him pretending to be away to his bed? Ay, but the smell of roasting potateos belied that. As we ken now, Hender had been warned that I was at Davit’s demanding back the coat, and he suspected I would come next to him for the waistcoat and the hat.’’
“‘Ay, but he had to let ye in.’’
‘*Ou, I would have broken in the door wrather than have been beat, tail of the day Hender takes the snib off the.door.’’
‘He pretended :he :thocht yea ghost tteo, did he no?’’
‘“‘No, no, that's.a made up story. Hen- |
der and his wife had agreed to pretend that, but when Hender cams to the door he became -stupid-like, and when I says “Ay, Tammas.’ I’ve heard hiis wife raged at him about it after
‘* ‘Nammy,’ I says to the wife, ‘it’s me back again, and ye’ll oblige by handing ower my waistcoat and my hat.’
“T’ve forgotten to tell ye that when I walked in, Nammy was standing on a stool with a poker in her hand, the which she was using to shove something
on the top of the press out of sicht. She jumped down hurriedly, but looking
bold, and says she, troublesome.’
“‘Weel, I had a presentiment, and I says, ‘Give me the poker, Nanny, and I’ get at the mice!’ Says she, ‘Na, na;’ and she lifts away the stool.
‘*All this time Hender had been look- ing very melancholy, but despite that, he was glad to see me hack,and he says in a sentimental way, ‘You’re a stranger, Tammas,’ says he.
‘* *T am, Hender,’ says I, ‘and I want my waistcoat, also my hat.’
‘*Hender gave a coniused look to the wife, and says she, ‘The waistcoat has been sold for rags, and I gave the hat to tinklers.’
‘*Hender Haggart,’
,
“These mice is very
says I, ‘is this #0?
‘*Hender sort of winked, meaning that we could talk the thing ower when Nan- ny wasna there, but I couldna wait.
‘* ‘I think, Nanny,’ says I, pointedly, “as I'll take a look at these mice of yours.’
‘ *Ye’li do no sich things,’ says she.
‘* ‘I’m thinking,’ says I, ‘as I'll find a black waistcoat on the top of that press, and likewise a Sabbath hat.’
‘*Hender couldna help giving admiring look for my quickness, but Nanny put her back to the press, and says she, ‘Hender, am I to be insulted before your face?’
‘‘Hender was perplexed, but he says to
me an
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and I was keen to convince them I was in the
and in the!
_ Sure, but pleasure it was, lads.
me, ‘Ye hear what ‘*** Ay,’ I-says, ‘I hear her.’
‘He hears ye, Nanny,’ says Hender.
** *But [ want my lawful possessions,’
Nanny says, Lammasr
I cries, ‘‘Hender hesitated again, but Nenny repeats, ‘Hender, am I to be insulted be-
fore your face?’ * *Dinna insult her Hender whispers to me, ‘l offer no insult,’ I says, ‘but I’ve come for my waistcoat hat,
before my face,’
loud out, and my and I dinna budge till I get them.’ *Ye’ve a weary time before ye, then,’ says Nanny. ‘l wonder ye wouldna be ashamed to keey a man frac his belongings,’ I said. ‘Tell him they're yours, Hender,’ she ertes. * *Ye see, Tamas,’ says they're mine.’ * “Ay,’ I says, ‘but ye they’re yours yersel’, Nender?’ ‘**Most certainly ye can, says Nanny. ‘ *Ve see that, triumphant.
says Hender, ‘she canna pretend Hender,’
Tammas,’ says Hender,
**And how do ye make out as they are:yours?’ I asks him. ‘Tell him,’ cries Nanny, ‘as ye got
them for helping in his burial.’
‘** *Tammas,’ says Hender, ‘that’s how
I got them.’ ‘Maybe,’ them?’
‘* ‘Say he was a corp,’ Nanny cries,
‘Meaning no disrespect, Yammas,’ says Hender, ‘ye was a corp.’
‘** ‘How could I have been a corp,’ 1 argues, ‘when here I am speaking to ye?’
‘*Hender turned to Nanny for the an- swer to this, but she showed him her back,so he just said ina weak way, ‘We'll leave the minister to settle that.’
*‘ Hender, ye gowk,’ I says, ye ken I’m living; and if I’m living I’m no dead.’
**Lads, I regretted I hadna put it plain like that to Davit Whamand. However, Hender hadna the _ clear-headedness necessary to follow out sich reasoning, and he replies,
‘** “No doubt,’ he says, ‘ye are living in a sense, but no in another sense.’
‘I wasna the corp,’ I cried.
** “Weel, weel, Tammas,’ says he, in a fell dignified voice, ‘we needna quarrel on & natter of opinion.’
‘*IT was just beginning to say as it was more likely to be the waistcoat we would fall out about, when in walks Chirsty in the most flurried way.
‘* “Tammas Haggart,’ hame this instant; the ing for ye.’
‘““Which minister?’ I asks.
‘*None other,’ she says, loaking proudly at Nancy, ‘than the Auld Licht minister.’
‘*Lads, I shook in my boots at that, and I says, ‘I winna come till l’ve got my hat and my waistcoat.’
‘* ‘What,’ screams Chirsty, ‘ye daur to keep the minister waiting!’ and she shoved me clean out of the house.’’
What the minister said to Haggart is not known, for Tammas never divulged the canversation. Those who remained
I says, ‘butdid I give ye
sne pants, ‘come minister’s wait-
on the watch said that the minister looked very stern when walking back te the manse, and that ‘Chirsty found her husband tractable for the rest of the evening. The most we ever got out of Tammas on the subject was that though he had met many terrifying folk in his wanderings, they werg a herd of sheep compared to the minister. He had some- times to be enticed out of the reverie inte whieh thought of the minister plunged him.
‘‘So it was next day he dandered up to the grave?’’’ w@ would say craftily, though well aware that he did not leave the house till Monday.
“Na, na, not on the Sabbath day. When I wakened in the morning I admit I was terribly anxious to see the grave. as was natural, but thocht of the minis- ter cowed me. I would have ventured as far as the grave if I had been able to persuade mysel’ I wasna going for plea- Ay, there was no denying that.’
““Chirsty was at the kirk?
“She was so, and in her widow’s crapes. 1 watched her frae the window. Ay, its no everybody as has watched his own widow.”’
‘*‘Na, and it had been an impressive spectacle. How would ye say she looked, Tammas?”’
‘*She looked proud, Robbie.”’
“She would; but what would she was proud of?’’
‘‘Ah, Robbie, there you beat me. But I can tell ye what she was proud of en the Monday.’’
**What?’’
‘‘Before porridge-time no less than seven women, namely, three frae Tilly- loss, twa frae the Tenements, and twa frae the Roods, chaps at the door and invites her to a dish ot tea, That’s what she was proud ot, and I would like to hear of ony other woman in this town, single or married or a widow, as has had seven invitations to her tea in one day.’’
“The thing’s unparalleled; but of
ye say
} course it was to hear about you that they ; speired her?’’
and also to get out of Ay,
“Oh, of course, her what the minister said to me.
but can ony of ye tell me what’s the memorablist thing about these invita- tions?’’
‘‘I dinna say I can, but it’s something about the grave.’’
‘It’s this, Snecky, that before Chirsty had made up her mind whether to risk seven teas in one day, I had become a humorist for life.’’
‘*Man, man, oh, losh!’’
‘“‘Ay, and it’s pertectly appalling to consider as she was so excited about her invitations that when I came down fare the cemetery she never jooked me in the face, and I had to say to her, ‘Chirsty Todd, do ye no see as something has come ower me?’ At that she says, ‘I notice you're making queer faces, but I dinna ken what they mean.’ ‘They mean, Chirsty Todd,’ says I, ‘as I am nowa humorist,’ to which she replies, ‘Pick up that dish-clout.’ ”’
‘*Keep us all! But oh, man, a woman’s mind does na easily rise to the sublime.”’
‘*Tt doesna, Pete, and I'll tell ye the reason; it’s because of women, that is to say, richt-minded women, all having sich an adoration for ministers.’’
‘*I] dinna contradict ye, Tammas, but surely that's fearsome statement. Is min-
cumstances.
{sters not néarer the Sublime than other folk®”’
‘They are, they are, and that’s just it, Ministers, ye may say, is always half
road up the sublime. Weel, what's the
result? Women raises their een to gaze upon the sulbime, when they catch sicht of the minister, and canna look ony
higher.’’
Sal, Tammas, you've solved it! But I warrant ye couldna have said that till ye became a humorist?’
‘‘No more than you could have said it yersel’, Robbie.’’
‘‘Na, I .dinna pretend I could have said it, and even though I was to gang hame now and say it in your very words, it wouldna have the same show as when you say it.’’
‘It would not, for ye would just blurt it out, but them as watches me saying a humorous thing notices the mental strug- gle before the word comes up. Ay, the mental struggle’s like the servant in, grand houses as puts his head in at the door and cries, ‘Leddies and gentlemen, take your seats, for the dinner is all but ready.’ ’’
Early on Monday morning Haggart, the non-humorist, woke for the last time. The day was moderately fine, but gave no indication that anything remark- able was about to happen. Lookaboutyou, it is true, says that he noticed a queer
‘stillness in the air, and Snecky Hobart
spoke of an unusually restless night. It is believed by some that the cocks of Tillyloss did not crow that morning. But none of these phenomena were noticed until it became natural to search the memory for them, and Haggart him- self always said that it was a common day. ‘ The fact, I suppose, is that an un-
common day was not needed, for here
was Haggart and there was the ceme- tery. Nature never wastes her materials.
Haggart was elated no doubt, but so would any man have been in_ the cir- For the last time Haggart, the non-humorist, put off cleaning his boots for another day. For the last time he combed his hair without studying the effeet im the piece of glass that was glued to the wall. Never again would the Hag- gart who briskly descended his outside stair forgetting to shut the door, enter that room in which Chirsty was already baking bannocks. It was a new Haggart who would return presently, Haggart of
. Haggart’s Roady, Haggart of Thrums, in
short, Haggart the humurist.
The last person to speak to Haggart, the non-humorist, was James Spens, the last to see him was Sanders Landels. Jamie met him atthe foot of Tillyloss, and Sanders passed him gn the burying- ground brae. Both were ordinary per- sons, and they never distinguished them- selves again.
It was not his grave that made Hag- gart a humorist, but the gravestone. Two years earlier he bad erected a tombstone to the memory of his relatives, but it had never struck him that he would some day be able to read his own fate on it. The grave is to the right of the entrance to the cemetery, and almost exactly under the favorite seat known as the Bower, and being at the bend of the path it comes suddenly into view. Haggart
‘walked eagerly along the path, an ordin-
ary man upon the whole; then all at once. ... He looked .... He looked again. This is what he read :—
This Stone was Erected by Thomas Haggart To the Memory of Peter Haggart, Father of the said Thomas. Who departed this Life, Jan. 7, 1825. Also here lie Jean Linn, or Haggart, Mother of the said Thomas, Died 1828, Alse Jean Haggart,
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