Aries (March 21-April 19)

You feel extensively drunk with power this week. But this feeling will shift toward the end of the week upon your realization that you’ve spent an extensive amount of your student loan at the bootlegger’s two apartments down from yours.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You will be bombarded by sales clerks all week long and their painfully annoying "Can | help you find something today?” even though you are pretty sure you could help yourself if they would give you the space to actually walk to the prod- uct.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

The increased cost of a parking pass seems to prevent you from driving your SUV to school. The extra $30 would have covered at least one day of gas consumption.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

This week you decide to try to reinvent the world you live in. You aren't the only one who thinks that you can save the rainforest by. switching from toilet paper to owls (hey, they would rather be shitty than homeless).

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

Upon waking up you ascertain that you have gone blind overnight. You are suddenly over- whelmed but also disgusted once you recog- nize that you somehow have a pair of under- wear covering your face.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)

The stars are projecting that you will probably buy anything that they advertise. And so is the marketing department.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)

You observe that things are falling apart. The air is contaminated, species are going extinct,

global warming seems to be unstoppable. But the biggest problem is that a P.E.I. winter isn't that far away.

Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21)

You suddenly realize that nothing exists outside the dominant logic of capitalism. But you're too busy being caged in your cubicle and getting fed McFood to actually do anything about it.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Your protesting of forcing the library to merge with Blockbuster seems to have hit a road block. The free use of books seems ok but the watching of movies for free causes Manny Perry to voice the fact that movies ARE really worth it. Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

The future really does seem to be X-rated and so are an extensive amount of the magazines that are in your bathroom reading material.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Using the excuse of having caught mad cow dis- ease on your prof will for some reason not enable you to have an extension on that first assignment.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)

You still don't understand the relation between oranges and working on clocks. The whole con- cept of it gives you pains in the gulliver that only Stanley Kubrick could understand.

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UPEI Cadre September 14, 2004 page 5