blind man.

_ Now, I didn’t spend too much time at the Virgin Mary Slot Machines, but apparently people were saying that they ‘were pumping out the cash good and plenty. So that could be a good place to start on your Viva Las Bethlehem gambling ventures. Actually, I saw Mitch Tweel there the night that I was there, and Mary was certainly giving him the goods.

As you gamble, you will be entertained at different intervals throughout the evening by “The Angel of the Lord’s Karaoke.” She has a wonderful voice—angelic, in fact, but unfortunately the Karaoke volunteers that usually get up to strut their stuff are, as usual, quite unimpressive, and these annoyances tend to hinder gambling success. I, however, got up at one point and did a number of AC/DC’s “Givin’ the Dog a Bone,” which seemed to please many a lady in the house, including the angel herself.

At first I found the animals walking around the casino carrying trays of drinks on their backs to be quite odd, but after a few scotches on the rocks, I couldn’t care less if it was a cow,

horse, or sheep delivering it to me, and I’m sure you'll get used to it too.

The three poker tables are, of course, run by the wise men, who all have their differences. The muhr guy is very mysterious, and has a kick ass poker face. The gold guy seems to get lucky all the time for some reason. But then the frank- incense guy is actually one of the worst poker players I’ve ever seen! I don’t know if the other two wise men just forced him into this job or what, but he’s got no skills whatsoever, and he’s quite a loser. Maybe that’s why they stuck him with the frankincense. Anyway, I won quite a lot of gold off of him, so I would suggest playing his table.

Well, that is pretty much all the advice I have for Viva Las Bethlehem. I hope you have a wonderful, enlightening experience when you go, and say hi to the Baby Jesus when you go for me—he’s located on his straw throne-like cradle in the middle of the casino. Ill have to play a few more shows to get some more cash before I go back. Keep on rockin’.

HE KIDS, ITS ME, SANTA O™ CLAUS. IT CERTAINLY HAS BEEN OWE HECTIC HOLIDAY SEASON. IVE WEVER SEEN IT $0 BUSY LP HERE AT THE NORTH POLE. IT AM JUST || SEWDING OUT THIS MESSAGE TO ASSURE YOU THAT YOu WILL BE GETTING ALL OF THE PRESENTS THAT YOU ASKED FOR. ALL OF THE ELVES HAVE BEEN WORKING ESPECTALLY HARD FOR YOU, /

| SANTA, MAY I PLEASE HAVE A DRINK OF WATER? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT TM BUSY? GET BACK TO WORK YOU LITTLE) | PUKE. YOu CAN HAVE A DA TUK OF WATER LATER. THOSE CHILDREN ARE COUNTING OW YOU TO HAVE THETR Tos READY FOR THEM ON TIME.

I JUST MADE A PROMTSE TO THEM, SANTA KEEPS HTS WORD.

a

| HEH, HEH, SORAY ABOUT THAT, KIDS. SO, AS You CAN SEE, THE ELVES ARE HARD AT WORK FOR You. AMWAY, TLL SEE YOu $00. OWT FORGET TO LEAVE : SOME MILK AND COOMTES FOR ME ON CHRISTMAS EVE. TL LOVE MILK AND COONTES. | BYE FOR NOW!