campus he feels that metres will be more reliable and user friendly. |

Parking Permits, which come into effect September 15th, can be purchased at the Parking Kiosk in the W. A. Murphy Student Centre. The hours of operation are from 8:45am to 4:00pm from Monday to Friday. Anyone with concerns or ques- tions should contact the Security and Parking building for more information.

Anew semester. A new pain in the ass.

_ Hey jerks. My name is Seth Shanks and I attend this so-called University. I'd like to start off by telling you how much better my life is than yours. I'm a 4th year business stu- dent but I have the knowhow of Bill Gates with an intellect comparable to Larry King. University is pretty useless. I guess you could say I'm in it for novelistic purposes. I have a girlfriend and I'm not going to lie, she's very hot. Almost as hot me, well not really but she's the hottest girl I could find, so she'll have to do for now. I currently own and operate a cus- tomized coaster making business. It's called "From coast to coaster." Like the name? My idea, of course. I make, on average, about nine grand a month. It's hardly enough to get by but my parents give me a pile of cash whenever | ask for it. Dumb suckers. I live on water street above a law firm. It's the best place I could find for the time being. It's expensive. More expensive than yours, no doubt. I know if you saw it, you'd be jealous.

So, another year of academic bull junk underway. I hate all my professors already. I should be teaching them. Screw classes. A combination of ugly classmates and a pile of inutile information being spewed at me equals a squan- der of my time. I think I'll spend my spare time hitting on uncorrupted frosh. Speaking of frosh, did anyone see those jackasses around campus last week? They all ran around like bunch of monkeys on smack. All their chanting and spir- it just about made me puke. Here's a chant for you: Welcome to UPEI, now shut the hell up you goosey little weasels.

Parking. Don't get me started on parking. Why is it that all the people with the shittiest cars manage to park in the best places? You can take your Hyundais and Echos and shove' em. The way it should work is the people with the most expensive cars get the best parking. I'd love to see a sign that says " If your car costs less than $30,000 it will be

_ towed at owners expense (Get a job loser)". Fortunately, I took care of my parking dilemma. I swiped a handicap pass out off some idiot who left his door open. Hahahaha. Some people are so bloody simple.

Well, that's all for today. I hope you all have a miserable first semester. If you see me on campus, tell me what you think of my article, unless you’re ugly, I don't speak to ugly people.

Your Better, Seth Shanks

UPEI Cadre September 14, 2004 page 15