Marcu 8, 2005

HPEL Etesees

THE CADRE @ 2

. And Now For Something Completely Different: The Rants of a University Student

Ryan Gallant Managing Editor

Well Paul Martin’s Liberals made a not-so decisive move recently, deciding to opt-out of the US Missile Defence System. Why the hell would they do that? Would it have something to do with the fact that the Chinese, with an army of 2.5 million people, are not exactly enthralled about the idea? Or maybe because it could spark an arms race which is nicely accented by the fact that North Korea has nuclear arms, are quitting disarmament talks, and are testing long-distance nukes? Not to mention that the American interceptor missiles, that is, the core function of the system, do not work. Some may see it as a drawback that the system, aimed at protecting the US against terrorists and ‘rogue states,’ costs billions of dollars and that will be worth absolute jack if terrorists are flying planes or carrying suitcase bombs.

Of course, there’s not a hell ofa

“lot Canada’s military could do witha nuclear missile heading at us, other than to fling Sea King helicopters at them and hope they get in the way. But I honestly don’t see the need for a multi- billion dollar missile shield, especially in today’s world where the threat comes from terrorist factions, a threat, which in no way includes long-range ICBM capabilities. I’m not saying it’s a good idea to let the Canadian military to continue treading the line of mediocrity and uselessness, but seriously, no one’s gonna nuke us for minding our business, so why stir the water by pissing off all the crazies on the block?

Well, after months of negotiating and arguing and after a threatening resolution was passed by Charlottetown City Council, the NHL and NHLPA may have the issue that is going to force them to get something done. Yeah, that’s right, unless they get a deal done, Dominik Hasek is going to retire. Again. The 40-year-old Dominator made the threat last weekend while Gary Bettman was busy

trying to sell the entire league off fora couple billion dollars and Bob Goodenow was off doing...well who the hell cares what he was doing. Hasek first retired in 2002 after winning the Stanley Cup with the Red Wings, but decided to return to the NHL after being charged in the Czech Republic for cross-checking a player in his local amateur league, sitting on him, and then hitting him in the back of the neck repeatedly with his stick. Hasek faced charges of up to $145 for his attack. Wow. That’s only $501,855 less than Bertuzzi got charged for hitting Moore. Poor Hasek. It’s a good thing he’s not Canadian or the NHL might have banned him from hockey too.

The protest ship The Farley Mowat belonging to the environmental group The Sea Shepard Conservation Society was detained by Transport Canada in Halifax last week after it was

found that the ship was not.

environmentally sound for sea travel and

that it did not meet oil pollution

prevention standards. Calling the detainment political harassment, the captain left port with the Mowat on Friday en route to the Magdalene Islands to film the harp seal hunt. By Sunday, it was publicized that the Mowat, with 28 people from 10 countries on board, was stranded and taking on water in the Cabot Strait. It then had to be towed back to Halifax

by the Canadian Coast Guard. At the

cost of the taxpayer of course. This ridiculous story about a bunch of

morons on the high seas is made even

more idiotic by the fact that the group is represented by the always-suave Richard Dean Anderson of MacGyver. “MacGyver! The boat is sinking!” “Oh no! Quick, get me a fork, WD-40 and acow!”

Legendary rapper and

humanitarian 50 Cent has found his way - back into the Much Music Top 30

Countdown this week with the romantically poignant ballad ‘Candy Shop.’ For those of you who have not heard it, a sampling of the poetic verse, seemingly directed at his one and only love, or at least his flavour of the week,

reads “If you bea nympho, Ill be a nympho.” and “In the hotel or in the back of the rental.” Listeners who are intellectually engaged and intrigued by the riveting lyrics, can visit 50’s website, which features a picture of him leveling an automatic rifle at the screen, which tastefully fires at the viewer as the page loads. Despite his gun-happy tendencies, I am rather quite amused by Mr. Cent’s attempts to prove how ‘gangsta’ he is, as I am with that of his good friend Lloyd Banks (author of the lyrically-rich ‘If You So Gangsta’). Some may think there is something wrong with promoting a lifestyle that results in the deaths of thousands of people every year, most notably among men within their own demographic, but hey, boys will be boys right?

Having said that, I am getting pretty sick of artists who insist on complaining all the time about how bad they have it and about how mentally strenuous it is to make millions of dollars for singing songs now and then. Does this not piss anyone else off? I mean J. Lo never shuts up é about how real she is, i.e. ‘I’m Real,’ and ‘Jenny From the Block.’ I mean sure, she was born in the Bronx, but given the $1 billion insurance policy she took out on her own body, I doubt Jenny hangs around the block all that much anymore.

And who is this Lindsay Lohan character? I mean come on now, her voice is so digitally altered she may as well not sing at all and just dance around to an old remix of Cher or something. And talk about whiney. The very first single from her CD was Rumours, a song about how hard it is for her to deal with the overwhelming media attention everywhere she goes. Awwwww. Muffin. You know, if it’s so damn hard to deal with, then just shut the hell up and do something else. And not that I’m condemning your career direction or anything, but if you’re looking for an

-Amish-style peaceful life, dancing

around in your underwear is not really

the way to do it.

Have a good one!

ryangallant@hotmail.com