FACT: The elements oxygen and hydrogen are 96.5% of ocean water. The other 3.5% is dissolved elements, such as chlorine, sodium, and other salts.

OPINION: I’m a conservationist. I only drink water that comes from my own glands.

FACT: About 97% of all of the Earth’s water is saltwater. OPINION: 97% of ‘Charlottetown’s water isn’t fit to ‘piss in.

‘FACT: The oceans cover about 71% of Earth’s surface. OPINION: Poppa Shine cover about 71% of Collective Soul’s songs.

FACT: The thermocline is an ocean zone in which the tempera- ture drops very rapidly. It is usual- ly found at around 300 to 800 | meters deep, between the relatively warm surface zone and the cold deep zone.

OPINION: I ain’t swimming in no thermocline. Imagine what that kind of temperature drop would do

to your nads.

FACT: The thermocline blocks sonar, so it is a favorite hiding place of submarines. The tempera- ture of most ocean water is about 39 degrees Farenheit (4 degrees Celsius), which is just above freez- ing!

OPINION: When I play hide-and- go-seek, my favorite hiding place is Don Diego’s Tacos. Nobody would ever think to look there.

FACT: In 1955, Mighty Mouse Playhouse debuted on TV, begin- ning the concept of animated kids’ shows on Saturday mornings. OPINION: Bleu Nuit was the beginning of naked French girls on Saturday night: TV. -

FACT: The elephant shrew is a tiny animal only a few inches long that is the only mammal that never closes its eyes.

OPINION: Don’t undress in front of an elephant shrew. It never clos- es its eyes, and it will probably laugh at your tiny pecker.

FACT: In 1981, a scientific study showed that exposure to disco music caused mice to become homosexual.

OPINION: I hope modern scien- tists are close to discovering the effect of the “Macarena” on mon- keys.

FACT: Wine can be made from onions.

OPINION: If you really want to impress the ladies, offer them a 40 of onion juice.

FACT: In 1975, a scientific study reported the dis- covery of electri- cal communica- tion between two containers of yogurt.

OPINION: Knock! Knock! Whos there? Yogurt. Yogurt who? Yo, Gurt! Where the fuck is my banana, beotch?

FACT: The average number of cats in U.S. households is 2.2. OPINION: The average number of cats in Snoop Doggy Dogg’s house is nine trizay.

FACT: In 1983, a cat accidentally shot its owner when it jumped on a loaded handgun that was lying on a coffee table.

OPINION: If that was Snoop Doggy Dogg’s cat, the little fucker would either be dead, or rolling with his posse during drive-bys.

FACT: Hamsters no longer exist in the wild. All of the pet hamsters in the world are descended from a single animal (female) that was captured in Siberia in 1930. OPINION: That’s a lot of fucking for one hamster.

FACT: A scientific study has shown that for previously inactive adults, for each mile walked, their life-is lengthened by 21 minutes. The average out-of-shape adult takes more than 21 minutes to walk one mile.

OPINION: For every 21 minutes spent watching Spin City, out-of- shape adults lose 21 minutes of their lives. :

FACT: Every year, about 8,000 people are injured by musical instruments. OPINION: Streetgangs that pack oboes get static from the police 24-7.

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FACT: The odds are one in 20,000 for a fatal fall for rock climbers.

OPINION: The odds one in 20,000 that a yuppy who wears rock climbing clothes has ever climbed a rock.

FACT: The material used in the non-stick surfaces of pots and pans can break off and contaminate the food you eat.

OPINION: The material used to stick Post It notes tastes like a bit like Scotch tape, but it’s a bit more exotic, and yellow.

FACT: The first home air-freshen- er was developed to control odors in the lion house of the Bronx Zoo. OPINION: Pictou smells like the Bronx Zoo’s shit house.

FACT: In 1919, a deodorant com- | pany first came up with the concept |

of “B.O.” during a successful ad campaign.

OPINION: Enigizer’s ads with that Australian guy that said “Oi” all the time was the first campaign that made people think they’d

smell bad if they used the product. | _

: Se FACT: In 1956, Bette Nesmith |...

Graham created Liquid Paper to fix her typing mistakes. Her son, Michael Nesmith, was one of the original Monkees.

OPINION: After the Monkees were formed, Bette Nesmith soon realized that Liquid Paper can’t fix every mistake.

FACT: On some of the islands in the Pacific, locals favor a special delicacy: spam sushi. eg

OPINION: Spam sushi sounds

disgusting, but I’m sure it’s not as bad as Jello Pudding Pops..

FACT: An island in the Pacific Ocean has a population of cats that are all completely black. OPINION: Snoop Doggy Dogg rolls with a white cat named Rease’s Pieces, and he has a ferret named Skittles.

FACT: Wrigley’s found that when the economy was in a slump, peo- ple chewed more gum.

OPINION: When the economy is good, less gum is chewed because more people can afford to chew nuggets of gold and iron ore instead.

FACT: If an alligator is turned upside down, it will pass out. ~ OPINION: That’s the best time to tickle one.

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